Life & All Its Works ~ anew-ed

Butter Rice & Lamb Kebabs

2012-01-25T22:50:00.000+08:00

Brought some friends to the Blue Cow for the big BBQ breakfast this morning. Bought some meat and kebabs from the same place for home as well.

The initial plan was to wait for a couple of days later to grill the kebabs, but somehow when guardian angel asked, I told her we'd have it for dinner tonight.

Interestingly, I started googling recipes for butter rice. Some recipes and methods were just too complicated, so I picked an easy one and there after took a nap. A looooong nap to the point I might not have woken up if the guardian angel had not reminded me that it is time to cook dinner.

As I was cooking even vegetables, guardian angel was beaming from ear to ear... i asked her what was she so happy about and she said that she was happy that she did not need to cook dinner tonight.. haha. it was great to be able to give her a break. And I noticed that she gets pretty excited each time I said I will cook though through experience, she might not take my word for real every time.. haha

Bro enjoyed the kebabs and told me though the butter rice could have been more fragrant (which I agreed), it was pretty good. But the kebabs were really awesome.

I realised that I do enjoy the experience of cooking.. yet my fear of how it turns out always scares me to not go ahead to attempt it. Ah well, I will be cooking for the next 2 days... some friends are coming over. Hopefully there will be improvement *cross fingers*

Reunion Dinner

2012-01-23T11:26:00.002+08:00

It is tradition that the Chinese has reunion dinner with their family members on the eve or prior to the celebration of the Chinese New Year.

And every year, I have three reunion dinners to attend; this year is no different.

While all reunion dinners are usually with lavished or scrumptious food, one of my reunion dinner experiences was really cool.

It was the reunion between Thea, her father, my brother and myself. Initially, the thought was that Thea, her father and myself would head to Curve for dinner. Since it was still early, I decided to head to the night market. It was there, my brother called and asked me to pack Nasi Lemak for him and guardian angel for dinner.

As I was queuing for my turn at the Nasi Lemak stall, a tiny mad idea struck. I made a call to the father, and asked if he would like to have Nasi Lemak for reunion dinner instead. He said, 'ok' and there you go.. that was our reunion dinner menu.

It was not a scrumptious deal with abalone, or fish, or yee-sang, or prawns... but the scrumptiousness was in the company of those uniting for the meal.

It was the coolest yet simplest reunion dinner and yet strangely, as we all were chatting by the porch, all three of us (the father, the brother and myself) agreed that it was the best reunion dinner ever... lols..

Lunar New Year (2012)

2012-01-23T11:08:00.001+08:00

Lunar is to mean Moon, as opposed to Chinese.

To celebrate the Lunar New Year must mean a New Moon.

Yet, is there a new Moon
or even the birth of a Full Moon,
but a new Moon ‘born’ visually in sight, in the context of the human mind,
or more truthfully,
the seeing of simply, Mind…

Blessed New Moon then.

May all that you remember as joyful and loving purpose for this celebration
be yours for all appearing of the Moon within your visual sight in any moment.

Blessed Be.

Life's Good

2012-01-21T22:24:00.001+08:00

Life's Good...

1) the Guardian Angel has a new lap top and is embarking on her 6-months online English course soon.
2) Thea has a new study desk.
3) little Bro is at home with me most of the time.
4) the ex-partner has got a new iPhone (though an old model) to play with.
5) i have a new bed and new mattress.
6) Thea likes my new bed and new mattress.
7) we have a new magnetic whiteboard in the study room.
8) I am singing all the time.
9) *They* are with me all the time.
10) the study room is nice.
11) the book shelf is upstairs.
12) the fish pond is being treated.
13) I have an extra car (which is automatic) to drive.
14) Thea has a friend to travel to and from school with.
15) the smurf village is restored.
16) little Bro is teaching the Guardian Angel how to use her new laptop.
17) my friends in smurf village helps me to water my plants.

probably the most important thing is... I Am Being Joyful, unconditionally... :)

May you be, too.. :)

Breaking Free from Worry

2012-01-16T18:48:00.000+08:00

A Little Overwhelming

2012-01-13T10:38:00.000+08:00

It is indeed a little overwhelming, being everywhere... and I do mean, the mind. It is crazy because there seems to be much to do, yet noticing every moment is perfect as it is, as if there is nothing to rush, nothing to delay for all is happening in its own time. And I don't really have to do anything, except to wait a little, do a little, speak a little, write a little, smile a little, giggle a little, smurf a little..

There are a list of things written on the magnetic white board. And I am moving along each item where the flows take me, a little bit here and a little bit there.. and it is quite amazing to me, while seated on the chair and staring at the screen attempting to squeeze the creative juice out of my brains on one project and find that the creative juice was squeezed out for something else irrelevantly from the one that I am apparently looking at.

I smile a little again.. and then head off to the hall to spend some time with the little one only to realise that she has been in her room for hours eventhough I promised her just the night before that I will spend an hour a day with her just watching TV, the ipad, the ipod or even whatever that is on the iphone. Yet, by the time she comes down, I will have to go up to shower and get ready for work.

Still, there is no fault in there... and I find myself enjoying the ride to the centre, at the same time receiving numerous calls or messages on 'when can we meet? I need you.'

A little feeling of constraint slipped in, and it is not so much that I am limited in my physical body, but more of that busybody-ness of the mind wishing to uplift another. And all I can do, at that point in time, is to joyfully do what I am apparently already doing and trust that whoever that is at the end of the line be bestowed with light and to stay present to what is around them or what is already arising in them. Any form of emptiness, loneliness, or needing another's presence is simply, simply an error or an egoic trip.

The MAGNETIC white board

2012-01-08T18:26:00.001+08:00

We were listing down activities in some weekly activity sheet.. for the heck of it.. Thea got excited and said she wanted to place it on the white board. I told her that I do not have any magnets and asked her if she might have any.

She sat quiet for a while and said, "yes, I do have some" and ran away from where I sat to get it.

She came back with the fridge magnet... how creative and intelligent!! So I gave her the weekly sheet and told her to place it on the white board.

Sadly, she walked back with the magnet and the weekly sheet saying that it doesn't work (as in the fridge magnet) does not work. I was pretty surprised as I was quite sure I purchased a magnetic white board instead of a non-magnetic one. Made a mental note to call Eddie the supplier to check on what I ordered.

I asked her, "how come?"

She said, "because it is not a white-board magnet but a fridge magnet. That is why it doesn't work. It only works for fridges."

I was quite amazed and explained my understanding that it would be quite impossible for that to happen. So I walked with her to the study room to try again... *click* it worked.. and then I looked at her and she was amazed herself.

She looked at me and said, "ooooh.... actually, I did this..." she took down the magnet and the weekly sheet and placed the magnet on the board and the weekly sheet over it. Obviously it would not work!!!! We burst out into laughters... such silliness and innocence!

And she said again, "now I know.. come, let me do it again and I will place it here" which is the lower corner of the white board where she can easily access it.

Yup, so the mental note is scratched off from the head and back to AOD in the hall. :)

It is a magnetic white board afterall! Haha!

The Lazy Mom swimmin'

2012-01-08T15:09:00.000+08:00

Promised Thea last night to go for a swim this morning. But the sun was blazing... and I was toddling between changing my mind about it or to go ahead as promised. She also gave up hope saying, "mommi, let's go!!!" knowing how lazy her mommi is...

Miraculously, the sun blaze eased off a bit, so we got ready. The father is off to have his fun, the uncle is off for a brunch appointment, and the guardian angel is off for a date with her hubby. So, it was just the two of us.

While we were changing, it rained; but I was not aware of it. After putting sun block on Thea, Thea said, "you see mommi.. thank goodness it stopped raining!" I was literally surprised when she said that and when I opened the front door and saw the porch area wet did I realise that it was indeed raining before.

Smiled and told Thea to tell God to let us swim for at least half hour before it rains again, if it is supposed to rain. The sweetie pie said, "God, please let us swim for half an hour." And the weather was cool and balanced...

When we arrived at the swimming pool, Thea spoke once again, "thanks God.." It was really sweet.

She showed me all her stunts and what she could do. In fact, I think she outdid herself today.

We swam for more than an hour. And yes, we had fun ~ just the two of us. :)

Now ~ 2012

2012-01-01T03:04:00.001+08:00

If Now is what creates Tomorrow,

Blessed Now.. to all... <3

The White Board

2011-12-30T20:19:00.000+08:00

ordered this two nights ago and it arrived today. 4 x 6 ft. why I need it for? seriously, I don't know. I just feel like having.

But, I guess it does make it easier to explain things when I have something SOOOOO BIG and SOOOO SPACIOUS to draw on... haha!

I love writing and drawing on white boards.. :D

Creative Board Work

2011-12-28T03:04:00.001+08:00

I am actually quite creative at my job... :) I handwrote and drew them myself. Though it is not really visible from the picture (do forgive me) but I thought it was pretty cool. The drawings are really, really cute... really one!!!

Brought the 2 x 3 pink board out to the hall to show the boys in the hall and they actually both nodded and said, "yeah, it's nice" and this time, they actually looked sincere! Though little bro said, "of course, there is always room for improvement..." !!?#@%$#!!$@#!?&$*!!

But seriously, I actually quite like it... :)

*pat-pat on the back* Well done, Gerry!! <3

Wordpress Master

2011-12-28T00:37:00.001+08:00

My brother was helping sort some things out at my other blog and said,

"I am a wordpress master and my sister's blog is so plain.... sighs..."

I laughed and said, "I like plain-mah"

He sighed again and shook his head...

Yeah, I know, I know.. I am plain Jane.. but he knows that he loves me anyway... :)

Christmas Day, 2011

2011-12-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

It is a quiet Christmas. Didn't go anywhere, didn't invite anyone home.

Helped guardian angel set an email address because she is enrolling in an online English course for 6-months, had coffee and chats with bro, played with Thea, did fun maths with Thea, slept, got up, did some writing, did some work, slept again... That was last night.

It doesn't really look like Christmas at home, but it sure does feel like Christmas at heart. Contrary to the previous years of celebrating either at home, at friends' home, with mom or with dad and bros... this year is quite different. As if everyone is just taking the time not to do anything, but to just simply be.

And today, chatted with bro again, did some work on the blog, did some other writing work, had hi-tea with mom, chatted with bro again, played with Thea and now... taking a break from editing some pictures taken recently :)

Geez, it sounds boring.. yet there is no feeling of boredom... interesting...

and I am contented. It's nice.

Christmas Eve, 2011

2011-12-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

It is Christmas Eve, 2011. Actually 5 more minutes to be exact on the clock of my desktop to Christmas, 2011. And it has been a looong time since I wrote here.

What prompted me? Seriously, just a thought; an inspired one, yesterday.

Yesterday!! And why today? Seriously, busy... but joyfully busy, with smiles on the face and in the heart albeit the tiredness of the body; this time with a conscious wanting rather than a unconscious have-to.

Blessed Christmas!

And yes, welcome back... :)

The Poodle who became the President

2011-05-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

Yes, she did.

The next day when she attended the alumni AGM, she was nominated and appointed as President. Ask me honestly, there is no wanting or not wanting of the position. I always remember my teacher's question to me whenever I am in such a meeting of position elections - "what would God do?"

Anyway, we had our first meeting with the newly appointed Exco and other members and it went amazing great. Most people were on time and there was much discussed. Meeting ended on the dot without much time wasting and everyone seemed willing and enthusiastic to get the whole society running.

The Advisor, Bee Lian who has been tirelessly serving the Exco is somewhat relief in a sense that for the first time she saw more people more interested in what is going on in the society. She has been breastfeeding the Exco for so long that she ends up doing most things; and she is not even a student of the school, but a parents of two ex-students. At least now she knows she is not alone, and I know, as a President that I am not alone as I trust that I have viable and supportive members to work together.

So, if you are an ex-Sri KLian, or know of anyone who is - PUHLEASE, come join us ok! It's fun leh!

The Beloved Poodle

2011-04-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

Had a perm today and thought I looked like a poodle. Told the hairdresser that if my hair doesn't straighten out in bigger curls which he promised it would, I'd go back to the salon to strangle him.

When I came home with the intention to surprise Thea, she surprised me back in return by coming forth, hugging me and saying, "Mommi, I love you even though your hair looks like that." All of us in the room burst out into laughters!!

It was obvious that she preferred her mommi to have long straight hair, but it was nice to know that no matter how her mommi looks like, she still loves her mommi. :)

Actually, come to think about it, what's wrong with looking like a poodle? I like it!! :D

Playing in the Rain

2011-04-20T17:45:00.000+08:00

It was about to rain, somehow I went ahead to the night market anyway. One week away meant that there wasn't much vegetables, fish and fruits left.

While there was an intent to rush, there was too an intent to savour the moment. It was quite awesome when I decided to just slow down my pace instead of walking faster to the car. It was splendid.

By the time I got to the car where Thea and guardian angel was waiting for me, Thea laughed and said, "mommi, you are all wet!!" and I laughed and said, "yes I am! and it is fun!!" and invited to join in under the rain. She shook her head and said no... and guardian angel laughed and supported, "it is fun, you know..."

It is funny how kids these days don't get to enjoy the kind of things that the kids in the older days used to enjoy. Well, not to say I played in the rain alot when I was young as mom would be screaming, "get in the house otherwise you'd get sick!" and that was exactly what Thea said too, "I'd get sick playing in the rain". What a thought!

But it is fun, isn't it? Playing in the rain, I mean. :)

Took back a little

2011-04-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

Yes, I am finally home. Home since Saturday morning, but seemed to have left my heart in Istanbul. It is such a beautiful, beautiful country. And yes, whilst I have been there before years back... but that didn't count because most of the time I was stuck in the hotel room and only eating cheap kebabs for lunch and dinner (breakfast was provided).

This time, out of intuition, I went alone. Although I would have very much loved company, but yet was not taken aback that I was alone. Had to admit that there was some discomfort - being all alone in a foreign country, not knowing their language and all.. but what the heck, if not now, when??

And it turned out that all my plans were screwed up. The places which I planned to go, I did not and ended up in places where I did not even consider going in the first place. Thanks to my Turkish friend, Ilkay who took 2 days to show me some other parts of Istanbul and also another new Turkish friend I met, who happens to be the hotel receptionist of the cozy hotel I happened to intuitively pick, I enjoyed a lot more of Istanbul compared to the first time I visited this place years back.

Food was awesome and my favourites were the tomatos and fish. Their fish is just awesomelly naturally sweet! I tried out food, turkish bath, watched the sufi dance and turkish dance... it was all magical. Weather was good and people were a mix! Thank goodness for my new friend who showed me a taste of the original turk as he calls himself, my perception of turkish people expanded.

I fell in love with Istanbul, and strongly recommend that women, to at least experience travelling alone once in their life time. Something shifts and expands. Of course, it is not necessary to choose Istanbul as a destination. It was just my choice and will also be amongst my future choices.

Mom was telling me how I can bring her there in future. I am elated by that thought! And I was telling darling how she has to come with me too as I know she will surely enjoy such an adventure...

Ah well, I am home. Thea seems to have grown up a little more, probably reflecting my own growth coming back from afar. :) And I am happy to be home with my precious little gem.

Off to a Trip

2011-04-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

Leaving... on a jet plane

Don't know if I'll be back again...

Adios amigoes...

Aching Bod

2011-02-02T17:04:00.000+08:00

My body is aching.. I suspect it is due to the lack of sleep for the past few weeks, adding to the spring cleaning at the centre and yesterday at home. Today was another day of running and running around like a headless chicken.

Managed to get most things done.. even to nap for a while when hubby took Thea out to the playground. All is good.. though body is aching... but all is good.. just looking forward to some peaceful and quiet rest sooooooonnnnnn.....

Gardening

2011-02-01T16:22:00.000+08:00

All these years my dad has been trying to get me interested in gardening and today, I attempted on some plants which I thought needed a few trim at the edges.

It was pretty interesting and I enjoyed it probably because of the cooling weather. Now that the sun has come up - err... forget it!!! lols!

Busy Month

2011-01-31T22:57:00.000+08:00

It has been indeed been a busy month. Today, after some morning errands, I managed to stay home consciously, by choice until hubby got home before heading to the nursery and Sunway Pyramid to get a new water feature for the house. Suddenly, lots of ideas visited on how to improvise the existing home decorations.

I have never been one who has been interested in all these.. but then let's see where this mood will take me.

Well, busy as it was, it is now finally over. I am in a bit of a relief and am looking forward to some rest though the past experiences of CNY would tell me otherwise.

I like the gloomy weather, though some has complained that it is getting in their way. It's cooling and it prevents anyone especially me from going out, which is a good break for me. Otherwise I'd be running around again like a headless chicken! Lols!

Happy CNY everyone.. whatever that means... :)

Dada or Ipad?

2011-01-20T16:21:00.000+08:00

Thea asked me this morning, if I love her more or hubby more.

I asked her back, if she loves dada more or the ipad more.

She answered without hesitation, "Ipad."

and then I asked her, if dada and the iPad were to fall into the sea, who would she save first.

She answered, "dada first, then the iPad."

Such sweet innocence. :)

Every Girl's Secret Dream

2011-01-17T15:22:00.002+08:00

Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars

Buzy Beginning

2011-01-15T19:40:00.000+08:00

The year started off busy... and I do mean, really really busy...

Besides the starting of school, was working on a project with Bro, some admin stuffs and last night was the first season of the sharing session that I was facilitating since last year. Other than that, I still have a whole list of things to do which I have yet to get started.

Not that I am screaming out for help, but I guess the body is tired and screaming for a massage.. lols!

Reading some blogs such as Mun's, Gladys' and bestie's gave me a break from the long time stare on the computer screen. Indeed a welcome break. Not even have time for a ciggie break. Yes - that busy - but I guess it will be good news for those who have always secretly wished that I quit.. lols.

Speaking of bestie... sighs.. the Christmas gift is still in the shop. I am really a lousy friend. Keep passing my friends' gifts wayyyyyyy after the celebration is over. My bad, my bad..

Anyway, I am just rambling away as a break...

New Year Resolution

2011-01-03T01:39:00.000+08:00

While sticking stickers with Thea purposelessly yesterday, I decided on one new year resolution - that is, to write with my left hand.

Thea & hubby are both left handed. I know, it is as if I have nothing else to achieve and hence came up with a silly awesome idea to write with my left hand for this year's resolution. But, it's sounds cool right?

So I took out one of those writing books that I bought for Thea loooong loooong time ago which she never got about finishing and started practicing writing on the lines as instructed by the book. I am making good progress and am sure I will achieve this fun and silly little resolution that I have made for myself. :)

2011-01-01T11:32:00.000+08:00

We cannot sing redemption's hymn alone. My task is not completed until I have lifted every voice with mine. And yet it is not mine, for as it is my gift to you, so was it the Father's gift to me, given me through His Spirit. The sound of it will banish sorrow from the mind of God's most holy Son, where it cannot abide. Healing in time is needed, for joy cannot establish its eternal reign where sorrow dwells. You dwell not here, but in eternity. You travel but in dreams while safe at home. Give thanks to every part of you that you have taught how to remember you. Thus does the Son of God give thanks unto his Father for his purity.

- A Course in Miracles

Ma Maison

2010-12-24T00:35:00.000+08:00

It is our anniversary month and he did well. A few days ago, he asked me if I was free on 23rd as he wanted to bring me out for dinner. I said ok. I did not even ask where. And then I remembered, that it was to celebrate our anniversary though one day before the actual.

He came home from work, and rested. He waited for me to finish an important phonecall I needed to make before we proceeded for dinner. He still did not tell me where we were going, except that we were going to a french restaurant. He himself has not been there. It was a new adventure for both of us.

When we arrived there, we were greeted by a frenchman, the owner - Ba'ton. Don't know how, we just started talking and eventually joined tables with two other guests there. So 5 of us chatted like we were some old friends throughout dinner.

Dinner was really good and company was warm. Ba'ton kept telling us that this restaurant is not a restaurant, but his home, and it was born out of love and shared with us his love story. It was such heartwarming to receive some sharing of love from someone we didn't even know but felt like we knew him forever...

Food was really good.. it was authentic and very much like home-cooked. Hubby commented that he could tell that the food was cooked with passion and love, which very much spoke of Ba'ton. I'd say he is a funny and really open guy, often hopping from one table to another not to make his customers happy, but to make customers his friends...

So if you are keen on french food and enjoy the comfort of a cozy ambience, check out Ma Masion. By the way, Ma Masion also means My home, in french.

Blessed Christmas everyone. :)

Drama, Drama

2010-12-18T03:49:00.000+08:00

Weather was cold. Flight was delayed. Thea didn't want dinner. Didn't sleep on board (me, I mean). No nasi bryani (thank God nasi lemak was not bad). Drizzling when arrived. Car cannot start. Thea vomitted. Argue with hubby. Went to hospital (thank God for Bee). Feed Thea medicine. Unpack bags. Repack bags. Received inspiration to write (not this blog though). And it is now 3:47am.

Shucks, got to wake up early tomorrow...

Hmm, strangely, amidst the drama - still feeling peaceful and calm. Nice! :)

Puzzle Completed!

2010-12-13T17:53:00.000+08:00

Finally completed the puzzle this morning in between the have-tos. Turned out to be a beautiful piece, with much help from hubby, Thea, Bee and guardian angel.

Hubby kinda got addicted to it and we are ready to embark on our next piece soon enough, as soon as we come back from our family holiday. Can't wait... :)

Blue & Purple

2010-12-11T00:13:00.000+08:00

I got myself busy since yesterday afternoon with this 1000 pieces jigsaw puzzle set that I bought quite recently. It is the one which glows in the dark.

Guardian angel and Thea was helping me sort out the colours and also to helped to fixed the puzzle together. I must say that progress is quite well.

Nevertheless, it has come to a point now that guardian angel and I can't really tell the bloody difference between blue and purple and we were nearly bonkers! We laughed at each other frequently and it was enjoyable. Hubby thought he was such great help when he managed to find one or two pieces that fits. Well, better than nothing.. haha!

Guardian angel commented that we might take about 4 days to complete it if we diligently took time and effort to put them altogether. I don't really have a time frame, except that I hope I can frame it up in time and give it to bestie as a christmas pressie. :)

Sing Sung Bluessss

2010-12-07T13:23:00.000+08:00

We wanted to go Karaoke on Sunday, but Bee & Prissy was not free and suggested it on a Monday night instead since Tuesday (today) is a public holiday.

So after dinner at Jon's, we proceeded to Karaoke at about 10ish.

It was really, really fun.... can't believe that these young people were singing old soul songs! haha! And boy, hubby was hogging the microphone, and Bee can really sing! It was awesome to hear Prissy finally sing too! And I must say.. not bad, not bad...

You know, my brothers are really funny... they always make me laugh. I am so grateful for them. :)

We sang till the last song and left Karaoke at about 3am. First time ever I stayed at a karaoke till this late and Bee was saying that it is the earliest he has ever left a karaoke SOBER! haha!

I had a pretty swell time though by the time I got home, I was D-E-A-D. But still look bout 5-10 minutes to do some reading before dozing off...

2 nights in a row now that I get to sleep on my bed.. ahhh... feels like heaven....

Movie Night

2010-12-06T18:40:00.000+08:00

Last night, hubby and I went to Gardens for dinner and to catch Narnia. It was a planned outing. What wasn't planned was to catch HP7 (again for me, that is) right after Narnia.

Narnia ended at about 11:55pm and HP7 started at 11:45pm and when we walked into the the cinema for HP7, there was only 4 of us (2 strangers and hubby and I). The whole cinema was empty. Well, it is not unexpected since it is a Sunday night!

We got home at about 2ish and was dead tired. It was time well spent with hubby and hubby and I was discussing how come we keep saying that we ought to do these more often but never get about doing it! Haha!

Tonight will be another night of family. :D

Dinner & Movie Night

2010-12-04T01:42:00.000+08:00

I actually thought that I was going to miss HP7. Thank God bestie agreed last night to watch with me.

We had dinner, and perfect moments of expressions and sharing.

And HP7 never fails to entrap me into fantasy land...

Thanks babe... muaks!

December

2010-12-02T16:58:00.000+08:00

So fast time has flown, and it is now the month of December and this friday is already the last day of school for Thea. There are already a few activities lined up for her and I am excited for her for the fun that I trust she will soon experience.

I will be working on several stuffs.. a long term one and also several that are coming up which I too trust will fulfill me. Actually, if I hold no judgments on my moments, each moment is freeing and is an enjoyment and a fulfilment.

I am looking forward to catch up with friends, and also to get started on a few things that I have been prolonging for the longest time. The new PC will definitely help. :)

Have a lovely December everyone!

Inked Again!

2010-11-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking of getting a second tattoo for quite some time. I think I mentioned it in some previous entries. A loved one designed it for me - simply beautiful.

After ding-ding-dong-dong for quite a while, I took the printed design to the tattoo parlour to make an deposit and an appointment which I had expected to be say, 2-3 weeks from yesterday? And she asked me, "are you free now? we could do it for you right away!" I was shocked... but since I had to fetch Thea from school in an hour, and it didn't cross my mind to ask my beloved brother for assistance, I blurted that I can't. And she suggested again, "how about Friday?" wow, this was interesting! As the dates didn't seem quite far off! This place has been known for being fully booked and I must be lucky! Finally settled in for today at 11am.

The experience this time round was somewhat different from the first. The first time was a lot of nervousness and this time, there was a lot of excitement and joy. I had to keep bringing myself back from the excitement otherwise I'd be skipping and jumping all over! A lady at the bench asked me, "are you nervous?" I smiled and said, "surprisingly, no! I am estatic!"

The whole process of drawing and inking took about 2 hours. Painful? hmm.. yes and no.. and I had so much fun chatting with Lina, the tattoo artist. It was like finding a kindred spirit in the midst of a tattoo inking session!!

The end result - beautiful... and I don't know how to express the joy and gratitude I feel for the experience. Poor hubby has to wait for 3 months for his tattoo session... and I got mine almost instanteously!

I can't help admiring it. At least now I get to see the dragonfly without having to turn my back. :)

The Street Party

2010-11-20T22:54:00.000+08:00

Today we had a street party for our community. It was requested by some of the residents quite some time ago and we decided to get on with it since the rest of the committee members were also enthusiastic about it, except me. I am not so much of a fan of these things. I didn't even attend the last one organised by the previous committee. Not that I am not supportive of what the community did, but I am just kinda an introvert, comfortable in my own world, though I do portray myself as someone who is an extrovert.

Anyway, we did it. I didn't think I did much as tasks were delegated and I had my supportive committee to be grateful for. All I did was 'yes, yes, yes' while they posted suggestions, or 'ok, ok, ok' when they asked for consensus. Everything that they suggested and did was great. And all I did was being updated periodically through emails and sms on what was going on. I really didn't know what to do, you see.

The turn out tonight was better than anyone had expected and thankfully, there was abundance of food, as in leftovers. A neighbour even baked a cake for the party, and another contributed lucky draw prizes. It was quite awesome. It was very heartwarming as I witnessed neighbours connecting with one another. I was like the butterfly hopping from one neighbour to another neighbour and to another. I don't know, I just felt moved to connect with all of them who were there.

What touched me, was the endless appreciation and comments I received on what a good job we've done thus far for the community. And the committee kept pointing back at me - it was Gerry. It was an interesting experience for me, as I felt that I did nothing and when I expressed that, strangely they too expressed the same, that they didn't do anything. Well, to put more honesty in our words, I trust that what we all meant was that with each of us co-operating, the tasks that we did was very little, but combining together all our little efforts, it tantamount a great effect which was enjoyed not only by us, but by the community.

Listening to neighbours comment that they now feel more secured and safer, that they could leave home without worry only did I realise what the committee and I had done actually did created such an impact on these families - that they could go about doing their stuffs with ease of knowing that their family and homes were safe. Can you imagine that peace of mind? Not only them, we feel it too. Of course, I get the most phone calls since I am the chairman - ma'am, hse 14 alarm went off and we can't locate owner; the gate for hse 8 is open and no one is at home; the dog ran out; the flood lights are out... Yes, I get that a lot and they get addressed or not, depending on situations... but so far, everyone seemed pleased.

It dawned upon me as I stood with my committee members later in the evening listening to yet another compliment we received from another neighbour, that when we all voluntarily took up the task, we didn't really know what we were doing. We only knew that we wanted to serve the community, to do what we can and we gave our best, sticking to a common objective and priority - which was and still is dedicated to the wellness of the community. And trust me, there are moments when we get a little overwhelmed that we feel like resigning the posts.

When I emailed one of my teachers the outcome of our failed AGM as there was no conclusion and I felt like leaving my position as the chairman, he asked me, "What would God do?" and I knew that God would serve, for the highest good for all. I remember making an aspiration after that, that if I could truly play that role to bring wellness to the community, then so be it. And in the repeated AGM, my committee and I were elected once again to serve the community, with two additional members.

Today it is evident once again, that I didn't have to do anything to be someone or to seek anyone's approval. All I have to do is to be myself, do what is true to me and to continuously give the best of myself without any expectations of being appreciated or gratified. And there, when my committee members and I just went about doing stuffs which were honest to us, we were appreciated and gratified for doing what we believed in doing.

This is a lesson of Love, where a service is performed without any form of returns and the rewards returned were plentiful in abundance, as in the support received. And this, I have my community to be grateful for, for allowing my committee and I to serve them and to experience this beautiful part of life; not forgetting my supportive committee members from whom I derived much joy and fun while working with them.

Dragonfly, Dragonfly

2010-11-18T18:17:00.000+08:00

I've always felt a deep affiliation with dragonflies. Of course, it came to a point in time, where I actually 'forgot' how dragonflies made me feel, until the time when I was thinking of a design for my first tattoo, the first thing that came to my mind, was a dragonfly.

And dragonflies fly around my garden most of the time, mostly red ones and occasional green or mixed with yellow ones. They are beautiful. Unfortunately, each time I attempt to go closer to them, they fly away.

I have been thinking of getting a second tattoo, and nothing comes to mind except dragonflies again. And the other day, I was telling Alina about it and she shrugged her shoulders and said, "well, you have always loved dragonflies". I was shocked because I thought it was just a recent thing as in a few years ago that I've developed such love for dragonflies and she said no. She reminded me that during school days, I would tell her how much I loved dragonflies and would draw dragonflies on pieces of paper. It was weird, as I could not recall that part of my memory. Well, she always has good memory, so no point arguing with her.

So I've got this dragonfly design that someone dear has taken the time and effort to draw for me, and I was showing it to Thea. She smiled and said, "oh mommi, it's a dragonfly and it's your favourite..." again, shocked.. how did she know? ah well... perhaps I have been unconsciously talking about it that people pick it up! So interesting...

Well, dragonflies denote a symbol of carefreeness, innocence and love for me. Perhaps there are deeper meanings, I have yet to discover. But they bring me joy almost all the time when I see them hovering around my garden.

The other day, I was really down, and there was this dragonfly at my car poach which was pretty unusual as they usually just stay in the garden area. I moved up close to it, and it did not fly away. It was the closest I've ever been to a dragonfly, as if reminding me of my innocence. I was so touched that I burst into tears. It was a lovely moment for me.

She is B-A-C-K!!

2010-09-20T14:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, she came back!!

Due to the past memory of an ex-helper who did not turn up at the airport, most of the people whom I answered to when guardian angel is coming back asks me if I am sure that she will come back.

Evident as it is - she is back - solidly. :)

And when I saw how Thea and her connect once again, it brought tears to my eyes, as much as I am sure did theirs.

She looked tired, and I hope she didn't find it funny that the house is not as clean as she left it! Lols!

Appreciating and loving her deeply...

Less than 14 hours...

2010-09-19T23:25:00.000+08:00

In less than 14 hours, she will arrive... and we all can't wait to welcome her back!! Getting back to the old routine is one thing, but to have her presence back in our lives is superb!!

After which, I am going to a massage, for facial, for karaoke, for movie, for dates, for what-ever!!!

Muahahahahahahhahahahaahahhahahaha......

New 'Job'

2010-09-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

I've recently taken up a new 'job', as in a function to the centre that I used to volunteer for. What is the difference? More administrative functions, as in more involved in the inner and outter matters of the centre; and that I am somewhat officially financially appreciated monthly.

Initially I was pretty stressed up in wanting to familiarise myself with the various functions the description of the 'job' entails but now that I am getting more and more familiar with what my functions are, it does get easier and somewhat 'serious' also.

Despite that, I observed that I strive on a sense of accomplishment and responsibility. I began to wonder if I could ever stop since hubby has commented that I can be quite a workaholic, despite not having officially worked for years. Workaholic or not, I seem to know when to stop to take a break and that is good news; also thankful to reminders I've received through my emails to pace myself out; I am able to catch a breather, enjoy and appreciate the rainbow created from the sunlight as I water my garden. This reminds me, how unreal everything is - only that I've taken it as real. It is a warm feeling that tickles the heart. :)

Last night when I was watching AOD, the princess mentioned something in the likes that life is a dream. I began to wonder if the people long time ago knew that we were all in the dream, hence the poetic poems of how life is exactly a dream, and that along the way, people forget - hence the drama, the taking of life so so seriously.

Anyway, I am just writing because I feel like it. No message here. Just sharing the little bits of my joy.

Love.

Missing Her

2010-09-12T12:20:00.000+08:00

Sighs.. I really miss guardian angel.

I miss her not because of the house chores. I miss her cooking, her walking about, her smile, her grumpiness, her playing with Thea's ipod, her asking me to buy top-up for her... sighs...

Yesterday and today is her wedding day. I don't know why they celebrate weddings over a spread of 2 days. We did ask if we could be there, but I am guessing out of shy-ness and out of consideration for the little one, she said no. She said it would be too far for Thea to travel and the conditions may not be condusive for us knowing how pampered we are! lols!

Sighs.. All of us really do miss her presence. If only she could stay with us, forever... She has brought so much more joy and happiness to our family. I really do appreciate and love her.

Blessing her for the wonderful soul that she is... :)

Finally Bored

2010-09-10T13:55:00.000+08:00

I am finally bored of doing housework.

So I texted my SIL and asked her for her maid.

The maid came over.

I am so blessed. :D

Keeping Up!

2010-09-06T15:48:00.000+08:00

I've just recently joined the bandwagon and many friends and relatives teased me about it. To be honest, I just wanted one so that I could play Plants Vs Zombies. It is a darn cool game! lols!

But today, I tried out the Maps App and my oh my... it is damn good... I had to go to 2 places of which I didn't know the directions and I arrived there like a pro, with the help of the new, new toy... what a joyous experience!

So grateful for the advancement of technology... so grateful to the evolution of the mind...

But may I not forget still, of Whom is the ultimate Creator of this and all.... :)

Sweet Hubby

2010-09-02T12:23:00.000+08:00

He is truly sweet.

Yesterday we both had an early dinner, just me and him while Thea was at painting class, and he said, "Guardian angel coming back on xxx right? hmm... yyy days left before she comes back..."

I laughed at his statement and asked, "why... you miss her already meh.. it has only been 5 days wor..."

And he replied, "no.. I miss you..."

I was stunned. Now, how more romantic could that moment be? Me and him, in a chap-fan (economy rice) shop, each drinking barley ice, each holding a ciggie in the hand... sighs.. romantic, really really romantic...

Of course I understood what he meant. He commented how we hare both been busy with the house chores or taking turns to attend to Thea, work and ourselves since guardian angel's absence. I will have to add that since 5 days ago, I observed that since the notion to wake up to 'do' something, the rest of the day is 'do', 'do', and 'do'. It's like a neverending list of things to do - water the garden, wash the clothes, iron the clothes, wash the dishes, wipe the table, tidy up the table... nothing gets left out. And when left with a moment to rest, it is to the showers, and a little with the tv, in silence...

So the time we really talk is when we get out of the house, especially when Thea is not around.. lols! Now I understand why some housewives find it difficult to relax at home, it is because the mind has recognised home = work. lols!

Having said that, I noticed a difference in both hubby and my approach in this experience while the maid is away. The last time we experienced this was 2 years ago, where the ex-maid went back and never came back. It's like we grew up. There is much maturity, love, wisdom, peace and calmness in our experience. It is truly a blessing. :)

While many others did ask me, if my maid don't come back on the designated date - HOW?? Well, it's fine. I just either move house, or get another maid! Simple as that! I would be blessed with options to choose again, what type of maids I want to experience - cambodian (heard that are darn good cooks), philipinos, taiwanese, sri lankan.. or maybe, just ME! Lols.

It's like CNY is COMING!!!

2010-08-31T20:56:00.000+08:00

Today, I got up early, because I needed to feed the dogs and the fishes. Poor dogs were really hungry. Usually they are fed about 7 plus. With me, they are fed an hour late. ;p

Instead of vacuuming and mopping, I ironed the clothes. Bought a new iron yesterday and couldn't wait to try it out. Loved it! and of course, with the secret intention of waiting for hubby to wake up to vacuum and mop the floor instead.. lols. I know, VICIOUS!! LOLS!

Anyway, three of us (including Thea) went abouts cleaning the house. It feels as if we were doing spring cleaning for CNY. Not that guardian angel didn't do a good job, but it was really an opportunity to clear out things that we didn't notice. Things such as expired medicine (those past 6 months after opened), expired vitamins, cans of paint, shredded paper and etc. And hey, despite all that, we even prepared lunch and had Bee and Pris over!! Not only that, we even managed to watch a movie together (on DVD). Suddenly I felt like the day was pretty long!

I am looking forward to clear out some more stuffs if need be. But I need to pay attention to my dogs tomorrow. Doby is limping... and Salsa needs a bath. Actually, they both need a bath. Do I bath Doby and bring Salsa for grooming? My hands have never touched so much water since a very, very long time.. Lols. Not complaining though! It's a good experience. Now I know.. must buy hand lotion for guardian angel when she comes back so that her hands are also smooth and nice. :D

I've never managed a household so big without help before. The max I've done was link house - old home in Klang and ex's bf's house (ya, I was a good maid.. lols!) Before I dozed off in the midst of the movie earlier, I saw myself in memories, sweeping and mopping... ah... those good old days. Strangely, if I could refrain from doing that, I would... I do wonder why that mentality...

Anyway, it's back to some work other than home, and then it is putting Thea to bed. Tomorrow will be another interesting day... :D

A little more attentive

2010-08-30T08:58:00.000+08:00

Hubby and I were talking about the size of the house again.

We both felt that when we look at the house in totality, taking into account every unused space (like guest room, store room) when we are actually in the bedroom, study room, living room - the house is darn bloody big.

But when we are just appreciating the space that we are currently in, i.e. the living hall, Thea's room, study room, kitchen, the space within what we can visually see is actually just quite right.

So is the house too big, or just nice?

Anyway, 2 days on our own without guardian angel - we realised that mending the house ourselves allow us to pay attention to the little, little things in the house. Things such as cans of paint at the backyard which have rusted, not used for 4 years and still not thrown away; that we actually need a longer hose for the garden and the backyard, maybe even those spray heads too; extra garden brooms to sweep dead leaves; gloves and etc... of course, it does sound a little ambitious.. but it would be helpful and kind for guardian angel - at least to my perception.

It is a good switch - it allows us to be more attentive to the space that has been housing us. It would be our opportunity to show we love... :)

Lady Gaga in the House

2010-08-30T08:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday Thea and I struggled a little while dressing up for dinner. I proposed that since she was wearing pink top, pink skirt, why not wear pink crocs or pink slippers? She shook her head and said no, she wanted to wear the blue strips shoes. No, not matching at all. But she made a point, she likes to be of a 'rainbow' colour now, even though now her rainbow colours only consist of pink and blue. Hmrf..

I gave up, and allowed her since she always had a mind of her own anyway. Nevermind the fact my brother said the same morning, "if I look stupid, it's my mother's fault." Right, blame it ALL on the mother!! Mom said that I needed to get some fashion magazines for Thea.. haha! But then again, how can I blame her? I myself am not a fashionable freak!

So she settled for her blue stripped shoes. And hubby looked at her, smiled a little and said, "you know, she reminds me of someone." I looked up, surprised that Thea's sense of fashion could remind hubby of SOME-ONE!!

I asked, "who?"

And he said, "Lady Gaga."

LOLS.

Very very funny thing happened in the night before we went to bed. She turned to her side of her bed and said, "good nai.....bey-beh...." in an accent. Seriously, we don't know where she got that from. And hubby said, "Thea, confirmed-lah! You are the Lady Gaga in the house. Good night!"

LOLS.

SURVIVOR!!!!

2010-08-28T17:32:00.000+08:00

Guardian angel has finally arrived home safely, and I am still surprised by my calmness. 3 weeks without a maid will be no joke. Ironically, when I looked within, there was a sort of excitement that accompanied it. Could it be that I am 'hadap' for house chores? tsk! tsk! tsk!

Not that I don't have enough already on my plate, and yet.. and yet.. waitaminute... maybe there isn't enough on my plate?!? What a joke!

Will it be challenging? Will it be fulfilling? Will it allow me new perspective to view certain beliefs I've held on to in my life? I don't know.. what is is what is... how do we argue with reality?

Though today is just the first day, I am guessing that as long as I take the days one at a time, I will be fine. I have survived this before and I will do it again. Last night, I jokingly told guardian angel infront of SIL, "oh... how am I to survive with you..." and SIL said quite abruptly, "SURVIVOR!!!! You be the SURVIVOR!!!" Lols.. it was quite hilarious though there is much truth in what she said!

So today, hubby text (he is away) and asked how I was coping... I told him that I managed to feed the dogs, the fishes, water the garden, scoop dog shit, feed Thea, make bed with Thea, bathe Thea, eat egg tarts and even included my routine ACIM practice into the regime. He replied, "wah... can water the garden some more arr... you good la!! For me, I surely won't water the garden one..." and then I replied, "aiya.... I chin2cai2 water one lah.." trying to sound humble and then he replied, "cheh!! like that I also can la!!!" Lols. It was a hilarious joke. The point here is, at least I did it!! And the point here also is, I enjoyed it!

Maybe after 3 weeks, I might really, really consider shifting... lols!!

Summer Hong Kong

2010-08-02T13:35:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Hong Kong. Hubby couldn't make it due to work so Thea and I left for HK all by ourselves. Felt really independant and had loads of fun with Thea, just me and her. It was a good thing that hubby didn't come along because I had wanted to take her on a holiday just me and her. She was a very good girl, didn't stray far from me, sticking close to me and I was a very good mommi too! I bought her most of what she wanted.. haha!

Mom and the others arrived the next day but we hardly hung out much because they were the shopping kind and Thea and I were the wait-and-see-what-we-feel-like-doing kind.. haha.. Most of the time, we were at the hotel just watching Mickey mouse reruns and only went out for walks at nearby malls for lunch and some shopping.

Thea was really home sick though. She cried a little in the night before she slept saying how she missed home, and sometimes in the middle of the sleep too. Hubby was very touched. She is just so darned homely! But she did enjoy herself in HK, having meals and spending time with her godparents and also her favourite aunt! I trust that she enjoyed her time with me too. Basically, it was just us both. The others were constantly on the lookout for us though, ensuring our comfort and making sure we are alright. The thing is, we are in HK! There is no way we won't be alright! Haha!

One of my most memorable times was being able to meet up with 2 new friends. What I had expected to just be a touch-n-go dinner, turned out to be a warm and cozy night of non-stop chatting in our room. It was splendid! And shopping was, needless to say was heavenly.

Mom told Thea, "Thea, when you come to HK, you walk-walk-walk and then when you see something nice, you walk into the shop and buy-buy-buy; after that you walk-walk-walk again and then you see something nice again, you walk into the shop and buy-buy-buy again... and then you walk-walk-walk again... until you become tired, you stop at a coffee shop to rest for a while and then you walk-walk-walk again.. that is HK for you!" I burst out laughing so hard and wondered what kind of ideas mom was trying to impose on Thea!! haha! But it was fun! and I am sure Thea is wise enough to conjure up her own meaning of HK!

We were both very tired by the last day, which was yesterday. But we were both excited to be heading home. Though flight was delayed, it gave us an opportunity to enjoy the Travel Lounge, something that I've been wanting to try. The space allowed us clean toilets, ok buffet spread, comfy sofas to rest and most importantly, plug points to charge the iTouch! haha..

I wouldn't mind doing this with Thea again though I think she will think twice before leaving behind her dada and her kakak and her Doby and her Salsa again! Haha! She is indeed very homely and I am loving her for it. :D

Updates on Birthday Marathon

2010-07-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

Sorry folks. I know how this is a little outdated.. but please forgive me, was answering to the physical call of rest, rest and more rest...

Birthday celebration started on...

2nd July 2010
Had buffet dinner with Darling at Le Meridien, Latest Recipe. She loves to eat. Since it was also her birthday in July, so we went there to feast. We were there from 630pm to 930pm. Just talking, talking, talking.. nice!

3rd July 2010
Had lunch with in laws at SuChan. Food was alright. Company, marvelous though what I really wanted to try out Serai Empire.. but I guess there is always the next time!

Dinner with Mom, Chow, Uncle Stewart, Aunty Mandy & Granny at Betty's Midwest Kitchen. Yummy yummy pork! Received lots of pressies too!!

4th July 2010
Had lunch with dad, bros and their other halves at Westin. Thought the spread was so-so, but company was great. A 3 pc band serenaded to us, I felt so loved and high that I felt like kissing everyone!! Reminded me of that song, Love Potion No.9! Lols!

Proceeded to Karaoke with Penny, Siew, Darling, Ray and Uncle Stewart joined us soon afterwards. Believe it or not, I sang till my heart's content! Been telling them to accompany me to karaoke! No, no.. not to sing, but to listen to me sing! Lols! I am sure they enjoyed my concert! Lols!

Had dinner with Penny & Siew. Loved the moment when I was able to share my experiences and knowledge with Penny. So uplifting! And dinner was great too!

6th July 2010
Met up with the girls, Terri & Gladys at Pyramid. They felt 'safer' in a karaoke so again, I was at karaoke! Lols! The Universe must have really heard my calling for karaoke sessions and giving them to be all at one shot!! Lols! After karaoke, we went for dinner at Italianies and watched Sex and the City 2. It was their second time watching it and my first. Enjoyed the movie thoroughly. :) It was great connecting with the girls again because it has been quite a while since we last hung out! Thanks girls, for making time for me!

Mom called in the middle of karaoke and reminded me that birthday is only 1 day, not the whole week! lols1 I knew that.. but who asked me to be loved by many, right?!? Lols!

7th July 2010
Breakfast with JerLin at Bangsar Village. It was the first time we were really walking around a mall. The previous times we were sat and chatted and browsed through shops. She bought a dress I think and she nearly bought me a piece of cheese cake!! Lols! Told her that we could have the cheese cake together next time! But it was fun meeting up with her! I always enjoyed my moments with her. :)

8th July 2010
Thursday night is a 'sharing' night for me. Received birthday wishes from the gals! So wonderful!

9th July 2010
Had dinner at Sakae with Alina at Pavillion. We both wanted to watch Eclipse and she bought tickets - Gold Class - as my birthday treat! So abundant! We were yaking before the movie. Since there was time, we did a little shopping. When movie started, we both were very, very excited! Whilst we both loved the movie, we felt that it was a little short and compressed. The book was damn thick ok!! Unfortunately, we decided to head home after that movie because it was getting late and I was getting tired. But I arrived home with a smile on my face - Alina, Edward Cullen, Eclipse - good combination of a splendid night!

And that would wrap up my birthday marathon. :D

Sorry, no photos. Just feel darnnnnn lazy these days.. lols!

Thank you, for being mirrors of Love, Appreciation and Abundance. :)

The Starting of the Birthday Marathon, once again...

2010-07-03T00:32:00.000+08:00

The birthday marathon has started tonight.

Shall wait for the whole series before posting up with photos and details. Not that it is or would be a great deal, but then again, it is always fun to share happiness and joy right?

No Fast, No Cook

2010-06-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Eversince I broke fast on the 16th, I have not been to the kitchen.. haha.. interest in food also has lessen tremendously somehow, but then weight have been piling up. Time to hit the treadmill again!

I was telling guardian angel, to whom I promised that I will take initiative to cook more often during my fasting period, that I don't feel like cooking anymore. She looked at me and said, "Don't worry, ma'am, when you fast again, you will cook again!"

She is probably right. Because I still have a few more process of fasting to go through.. lols!

Reversal of Roles

2010-06-11T18:32:00.000+08:00

Usually, it is the ma'am that teaches the maid to cook.

In my case, it is the either way round. ;p

Have been toying around with cooking. Been cooking for the past few days consecutively. Looking at recipe books and checking out my bestie's recipe blog too. Sorry-la.. some of them just sounds too complicated!!!!!! :-s which means to say... Alina, you better come on over to teach me soon!! ;p

Anyway, I've been having fun. With guardian angel's advise on what she knows (she is a great cook by the way!!), she has been guiding me by just standing aside. Ahem, I even slice the meat and mince all those necessary ingredients by myself. Not bad.. not bad... lols!

Gonna try out some steam recipes soon. And after my fast, I am going to feast!!! muahahahahahahahhaha.... ;D

Hil's Hitch Day

2010-06-05T08:51:00.000+08:00

Today is the day, where Hil and Ben will get hitched. They came back last week and have been busy since. Wished they would stay over at my place but they chose to stay over at Elly's place instead. Only managed to catch them the night before I start my rice & water fast.

Hil looked great, so did Ben. Although it was the first time meeting Ben, but I guess with Puzzle as topic with any men, it broke the ice! We didn't manage to talk much. I am not sure if it is because it has been too long, or perhaps life have been just too mundane. But I enjoyed the presence anyway. Too bad Elly and Jo wasn't there. But heard from Hil that they caught up earlier already.

And tonight will be the night. When all of us come together to celebrate the union of Hil and Ben.

Congratulations Hil & Ben!

Patience

2010-06-05T08:44:00.000+08:00

I guess when we are patient at times, we allow better opportunities to come along. I was waiting for this quotation which took ages to arrive. Finally when it arrived, I asked for a demonstration. He kept on saying that he is busy, and made me feel as if our community business is not as important. Perhaps because it is a sale to a Resident Association with low profit margins, but this is just my judgment anyway, and I am not happy with him, because I am not happy with my perception of him.

So I waited and waited for his call anyway which never came. And soon, I remembered that one of the street rep emailed me a number. I picked up the phone and called the number immediately. Not only was response fast! The boss was literally explaining to me how the whole system works already, as if I could understand! :/

The point here, besides the education, is that this new guy was very willing to share information with me and give me proper, professional advise on how to get the most benefits of the units which I was about to purchase for the community. Not only that, he even gave me suggestions on how to improve this and that around the neighbourhood. And later I found out, he used to stay in this exact neighbourhood years ago, but now moved to another garden. What is most pleasant to find out is that he is also a Vice President of his Resident Association!! No Wonder!!!! So his roll of advice went on and on... Because he understood the functions that I was playing, he gave me lots of pointers to consider. I was just too grateful and felt very much supported. :)

Well, I am waiting for a quotation, again. And this time, I am crossing fingers that this experience will be different from the previous! ;)

Cameron Highlands with Family

2010-06-02T19:36:00.000+08:00

We had dimsum for breakfast before departed. We were actually already quite full. And yet....

We stopped by Bidor for Duck Thigh Noodles. It was impromptu, btw. ;p

Eventhough everyone was complaining prior to ordering that they were still very full from breakfast, yet they still whalloped everything on the table.

We arrived at about 3pm++.

We were all doing our part, unpacking, to make the apartment as cozy as possible.

Get what I mean?

After unpacking and making the apartment cozy enough for a 3D2N stay, we all laid back to watch Astro.
Yes, there was Astro.

Despite Cameron Highlands being a land known for steamboat, yet one of our family member decided to homecook this thing for our first night home.

The lazy men watching tennis while the ladies prepared dinner. Ahem, myself excluded because I had to be the photograher.

No, we didn't play Risk. We just used its soilders as 'chips' to play Texas Hold'em.

2nd Day...

This is the DS couple. They were hogging their own DS most of the time.

We decided to throw Don a surprise belated birthday song!!

Family Pic before heading out for tea.

Ya, of all things we did, we got down from the car and had ONE durian, shared by 8 of us, by the roadside.
Btw, we were actually on our way to the BOH plantation but it was just too freakin' jam.

After that, we stopped by SmokeHouse for tea and scones.
ONE durian shared by 8 persons just weren't getting us anywhere!

That night, we played RISK.

3rd day...

Breakfast was instant noodle in cup, donuts, coffee, water and ciggies.
Unfortunately, we couldn't finish everything before we left.

We all stopped by BOH Plantation for a visit.

Family Pic again.

We had lunch here. I asked 7 why was it they did not sell beef since they are called ngow kei. 7 laughed.

This was one of the fastest meal we had ever eaten. We could not slow down to savour the food because we had to compete with the FLIES!!!! Yups!!! There were plenty of them, I tell you!!

There were lots more activities in between. But you know la.. with the slow loading of the pictures and the extra time and efffort to type in detailly what happened - argh, just too lazy for that now.. haha!

Thank you Don, Jen, 7, Oli, Ali, Dan, hubby and myself for this wonderful trip. And thank you, ciggie, for without you, I would not have gotten myself these beautiful friends.

Guard for One Hour

2010-05-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

Finally, with the consensus of the committee members, I decided to make the transition from the old security company to the new security company today, instead of a further date. The residents just couldn't take the unprofessional attitudes of the previous company anymore so for the safety of the community, we all decided to go ahead with this transition sooner.

Unfortunately, due to the last minute and very urgent request made to the new security companies, they did not arrive at the time the old guards left during the destined time. So I took over the role of the guards, alone, for an hour, while waiting for the new guards to arrive.

What seemed like a peculiar sight turned out to be an overwhelming experience of support. Loving neighbours came forth to 'accompany' me during my 'duty' time, chatting with me their views of the recent security issues and also to voice out their support to me. Some of them, actually stopped by to ask if I needed any assistance or help. I truly felt supported and appreciated at that point in time, especially when one of the neighbours got down from her car and repeatedly said, "Gerry, thank you so much.. thank you for all your effort."

I could now see an action or response out of love could bring such loving reflections. In truth, I did not do it because I felt I had to do it. When I arrived at the guardhouse, expecting that the old guard would have already left and the new guards to have arrived, the old guard waited a while with me but kindly asked my permission to be dismissed. He was one of the diligent guards. But with him alone, it was just not enough. Since no one was left to play guard, I felt inspired to just stand there by the guard house pulling the boom gate up and down ensuring the vehicles who came in and out of the neighbourhood were residents, enquiring vehicles who had no stickers where they were going and etc.. you know, the usual guard-checking stuffs. My brother's girlfriend who happened to drop by for a visit called me on my mobile and said, "eh, an overpaid guard?" I laughed... and had to put down the phone quickly because it was peak hour at that time. Residents were coming home from a hard day's work! Shortly before the new guards arrived, the rest of the committee members joined me too, supporting. :)

When I told hubby of what happened by the time I got home, he was too glad to hear of the support received from the neighbours. What I learnt today is that if I was doing something out of love, nothing could put me down. There was no way at all. I remember now that my thoughts then was just to do what I could do - and what I could do then, was just to stand guard for the safety and love of my community for that one hour. And for that, I not only am appreciated by others (at least by those who stopped by), but I am also full of appreciation for myself.

Having said that, I am too grateful to the supporting members of the committee members without whom I would have had the courage to make the next move to serve this community. But most of all, I am grateful for how my journey is always supported anyway, by an unseen power that guides me all the way... :)

Loving Him

2010-05-23T10:02:00.001+08:00

Loving him when he is loving himself in doing what he loves... sighs... simply heavenly.

Thank you so much, Andrew Tai!

Moving Forward - Busy, Busy

2010-05-18T12:30:00.000+08:00

I am going to be busy busy, with lots and lots of my plate.

But because I fully accept my part in God's plan for salvation, I trust that all will be done in divine time and manner.

La.. De.. Dum...

2010-05-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

la de dum... going out with my bestie tonight... la de dum... with Puzzle... la de dum.... to Hai Siang... la de dum... for my berry favourite Chicken Rice... la de dum.. and to satisfy... la de dum... my cravings for... la de dum... Adrian's 3-layer-tea...

Welcome to the family, Puzzle!

2010-05-12T15:09:00.001+08:00

Apparently, she is the FIRST black on the road... dunno how true... need to look for kakis to find out more about this new baby... ;p

P/S: - please don't ask me why her name is Puzzle. Thea named her. :-s

Bye Bye JayD!

2010-05-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

You have served me and my family well. Thank you so much, for the times when you stood with me when I needed you most.

I love you and will remember you always... Eventhough to many, you may be just a dead-thing; but to me, you have always been alive, and will remain as such in my heart.

Love & Gratitude to you.

Jai Ho

2010-05-10T10:45:00.000+08:00

Another of my berry favourite...

Jaclyn Victor

2010-05-10T10:04:00.002+08:00

Again and again, I am swept away by her voice.. Really, thank God for YouTube.

Blessed Neighbourhood

2010-05-04T20:54:00.000+08:00

I am truly blessed to be in a wonderful neighbourhood of caring and helpful neighbours. Last Saturday, there was an unfortunate break-in in one of our neighbour's house with lots of valuables lost. What is fortunate was that no one was home at that moment. However, it did shake the neighbourhood and the residents committee to look into possible attempts in improving the security around the neighbourhood.

Being a president of the neighbourhood, there was truly nothing I could do except to show concern to my neighbour. I took the initiative to call another neighbour residing opposite the unfortunate neighbour to request if we could view his CCTV recordings in the hope to find any suspicious vehicles which parked outside my unfortunate neighbour's house the night the incident happened. We were blessed by his willingness to assist and hence had managed to bring our unfortunate neighbour a step closer to identifying the thieves who robbed his belongings.

What I witnessed in myself and also in my helpful neighbour today, even my brother whom I had called for assistance to see if he could help to abstract the related recording for backup, was compassion. A sort of compassion that did not see my unfortunate neighbour as a victim, but as someone whom we were willing to put our hearts out to assist. And in my role as a president, I saw the necessary function that I had to take on, to ensure the well being of the residents residing in this neighbourhood.

Just the other day, I was arguing with my teacher about the definition of compassion. I saw compassion then, in the space of being superior to others, i.e. seeing others as victim. But in today's experience, I begin to realise that there was another quality of compassion that did not require me to do so. Although I acknowledged my neighbour's unfortunate experience, it has also brought me to a space where there was a kind of new responsibility to improve the security surroundings of the neighbourhood, so that the loving residents in the community are being taken care of, so as to perform their personal and societal functions even more efficiently. Can you imagine the impact to the society then? The well being of one is of such importance to the stability and well being of the society on the whole!

I am glad to be blessed with such experience, for I learned. Something that I may not have understood from school, or reading, or speaking to someone. It is pure experiential. Now I can fully take up my role as a president not worrying about what others would have to say. During a later discussion after the viewing of the CCTV recordings, my neighbours assured of their support of my future decisions. It was as if a sort of trust was bestowed upon me, something that I had lacked in myself for being unsure if I was really that capable despite already been given that responsibility. They said to me, "Gerry, we have put you there so you could do something about it. As long as you know in your heart that you are doing it for the well being of the neighbourhood, you don't have to care what others say even if there will be some who will complain." That was something that I failed to see. I didn't see it as a responsibility to make decisions for the community for their well being; I saw myself as someone who was just carrying out 'their' instructions onto me. How would I know that I am not capable except for the fear of being responsible for myself and others? And how do I know that I am not capable if I carried out this function with my heart, with love?

I am ready now. And I shall do my best, from my heart. What I give to others, I give to myself.

First Ever Retreat at Janda Baik

2010-05-04T07:54:00.000+08:00

I have never attended a retreat before, but somehow Angel inspired me to make this move. She told me, "we can have breakfast together... take a walk together... sleep together... dip our feet at the river together...." Ah, magical imaginations already!!

If you look carefully at the pictures you will notice that I was no where meditating near anyone.. lols! because I was busy meditating with my camera! lols! But it was fun in a way. My favourite time during the retreat was spending time with Angel, listening to BB and LF share on the workings of the Mind and Wisdom, plus some really fun games we played together as a team.

Hope you like the photos! It's my first attempt to photoshop some of these photos. :)

What is Wrong?

2010-04-25T10:20:00.000+08:00

After my haircut, lots of people came up to me and asked me, 'Why did you cut your hair?', 'What made you cut your hair?', 'Did you go through something that made you cut your hair?'

It's amusing. Then I remembered that new hairdos are usually associated with a change or a new beginning after some drama had happened. They call it, Hair Therapy.

So, just to share why I had a hair do: -

1) colour of hair was wearing out, needed new colour.
2) curl serum ran out.
3) weather is hot.
4) takes a long time for hair to dry at night (I usually wash the mane at the night) and it disrupts my sleep.

Seriously, it is as simple as that.

New Bloggie Address

2010-04-22T22:21:00.000+08:00

I've finally managed to transfer relevant entries of 'the Mind' category into a new blog - http://journalingtruth.com/; dedicated to myself and for those who resonate with my previous entries of the Mind. If you had like this category of entries, I would like to extend an invitation to you to drop by the new bloggie address instead.

Just decided to keep this space a little less serious. :)

Nothing serious.. just a haircut

2010-04-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

Cut my locks today. Coloured it too. I think I look good. ;p

Bestie did the same thing today although in a different saloon. No cut 'cause she has no locks, but trimmed. Good enough. And coloured it too.. ;D

The Egoic Cycle

2010-04-19T05:41:00.002+08:00

This is existence is as such, at least on this plane. We want the success, the joy, the happiness, the excitement hence we had inevitably 'agreed' to accept the failure, the pain, the sadness, the fear; in our experience. To understand this is to see through the veils of illusion. To see through this illusion, is to finally understand that they are merely different sides of the same coin. To see though the coin, is to come to peace with it. And that peace too, is an illusion at another level. For in peace, there exist too, a space of non-peace. When peace as an illusion is finally understood, then there is impartiality.

But this impartiality, also comes with its imitation versions. It is the 'none of my business' illusion. You see, the ego will never want you to have it easy. To the unwise, 'none of my business' is merely an unconscious attachment to peace; a wise 'none of my business' understanding is where whatever that arises; the ups and the downs; the recognition of impermanent nature. The recognition of impermanent nature, is understanding that the 'none of my business' illusion consists of no "I" or "you" or "him". There is nobody there. Just impermanent nature. As what Sayadow has mentioned, "it is all just a misunderstanding".

The whole consciousness is egoic on its own. The human realm thinks that they are in trouble, and then they call upon teachers and others realms for help. But who are their teachers and those from the other realms, but their own imagination, another form of egoic existence.

Not that there is no Truth. Not that there is no enlightenment. Not that there is no teacher or guide. But they are not meant to be put on a pedestal, nor an altar. When we unconsciously idolize them, we are then again separated once more. Only we don't remember, what we are here for. As shared in Matrix 2 - you have already made your choice, you just need to understand why you made it.

I need my husband, my husband needs me; I need my children, my children needs me; I need my job, my company needs me - all egoic; albeit in its own sense. Albeit in its own sense; all the same trap. In truth, no one needs us, and we don't need anyone. We only think we do and they only think they do. We like to think we are heros, we are important; we like to think that we have heroes too, that we have people important in our lives. So we are forever like little children. No wonder we will always have a 'father' and a 'mother' and later on be a 'father' or a 'mother'. No matter how much we try to deny it, it is in all of us. Even if a person is not our biological parent, or our biological child, there comes a point in time where we play that role anyway.

So are we important at all, we ask ourselves? Surely there must be something I can do. Yes, yes, we are all important! But surely you must know that it is not in the meaning that you have thought it to be. But what else is there? We hear ourselves ask. Seek and ye shall find, but be forewarned because there will be no turning back.

Do I know? I do not know. The ego would like to arrogantly say 'I DO!' and also unworthily say 'I don't..." So do I know or do I not know? The Spirit already knows, so what is there for the ego to know? Why must the ego know but to satisfy its needs? And what needs are those, but to strengthen the meaning of "I".

Could it then be possible that there is just knowing.. with no "I" in it? I don't know..

Ah, but you see.. there is still an "I" in it... Soon I will realise that I can never get rid of "I". But the "I" can be transformed or rather, transcended as what my teacher say. As long as we are no longer succumb to the automated mode, we are already making progress and deserve a pat on the back. Oh dear, so it looks like you are here to stay...

So who is this "I" which I think "I" am? Actually, just programmes in the mind which I had mistakenly thought it was - I.

Not to know I know is Peace

2010-04-19T04:44:00.001+08:00

If I truly know what I think I know, then there must be peace.

So if there is no peace, then I must not truly know what I think I truly know.

For what I truly know will only result in peace.

And for that, I must know now that what I think I know is not what I truly know.

But if I were to truly know, how will I know unless I think I know?

Could it be that by the time I think I know I had already truly known but now no longer know?

Then what is it that I think I know or that I truly know?

Such ridiculous irony! It's best just not to know!

Yes, that's right - not to know that I truly know, so there will be no barriers for growth.

To conclude that I think I know, I block my own way path.

To conclude that I truly know, I limit my own expansion.

So what is the importance in this knowing or not,

Nothing really except my own meaning to it.

Soon we find that information of freedom can too bind us,

But all depending on one's choice of attitude; either one of grace or one of grip.

What is knowing? But only a bundle of thoughts.

So knowing is not as important per se,

But the peace that allows me, that what which is meant to stay.

Because in that peace, all that is needed is unconditionally fulfilled.

Namaste.

Stories, am I?

2010-04-18T00:03:00.001+08:00

Who I think I am, therefore I am; but who I truly am, is not who I think I am. - so, who am I?

How do you tell someone that whatever they go through in life, whatever stories they tell, are just simply, a story? How do you tell someone that what I go through in my life, even if I were to share my experiences of what I go through, are just stories? How do you tell someone, that the stories that we each tell, are all unreal, but a story?

We indulge ourselves in stories. Really. Who don't like stories? We line up to watch movies, read novels - all for a story. And then we meet a friend or a relative for cuppa or dinner, and then what do we tell each other but our stories?

And stories come from roles we take on, or from observation of the roles that others take on. But all in all, they are nothing, but stories.

As if we do not take on enough roles in this life time. When we are revealed or told that we are so-and-so in our past lives, we get so excited, become attached to it in a way (albeit a past) and talk about it all the time. As if, the story in this lifetime is not enough. We need more stories of the past to reinstate who "I" am - I was a warrior; I was a king; I was a queen; I was his wife; I was his concubine ~ really, does it matter? Even today, I am a tycoon; I am a mother; I am a wife; I am a CEO; I am a maid ~ does it really matter?

If it does, surely it must give us peace. If it really does, surely it must liberate us, and we must be contented. But are we truly at peace? Do we really feel liberated? Do we notice that somehow somewhat, there is always something missing? And for that, we are always unconsciously striving for something?

When I was talking to a loved one today, whom I am normally quite fearful of, I listened. I listened to his stories, his reasoning, his blaming. I see his guilt, his need for acknowledgment and his call for love. Perhaps I am not normal, I don't know, but after having understanding and dealt with my own inner demons, I finally saw him, for him. I did not see him as someone who was victimizing me anymore, nor pointing fingers at me or anyone. I saw him as someone who was calling out for love - to be understood and acknowledged.

And again, how do you tell someone that? That beneath all those stories that he has shared are his own ancient pain, guilt and shame that only he himself can elevated himself from? I emailed my teacher this morning, telling him brutally how I felt no compassion for people who don't own up for their own pain. Yet tonight, as I witnessed this loved one, compassion automatically set in as I realised that I too, had been unconscious before, speaking of which I still have a tendency to fall into the unconscious mode from time and time. The only difference between him and I today is that now I've understood and choose to remember it as often as I can - to be mindful, that is and to take responsibility for my own shit.

Suddenly stories are not that important anymore. I remember friends used to gather round just to talk about other people or our own stories. I am not saying that we shouldn't talk to each other or share with each other, but have we considered the intention and essence of sharing? Are we calling out for love? or are we reinforcing our illusionary meaningful roles in this existence? Are we meaning to feel better about ourselves after gossiping about or blaming others? Is it possible, that our lives are in fact meaningless, that we have to "do" something to make it meaningful; to satisfy a need we are not conscious of? And why the need to make it meaningful, except to strengthen the meaning of "I"? I could go on with this "I" thing.. but it's just too much bullshit.

It pains me to witness even when compassion arises. But that is only happening because I forget that there is someone out there, a 'body' out there so to speak, hence the separation. And when Wisdom fails to set in, I buy into that 'story' and fall into a depression. How egoistic. But if I could forgive myself for my projection of unconscious guilt, then no one is suffering. And even if I am still seeing a 'body' out there, I could always choose to perceive from a Wisdom point of view so per se - to respect their journey, and to see them perfectly as they are, trusting that everything is in divine order.

Afterall, I am no saviour. Just a passerby with lessons to learn and to grow in my journey of a-loneness.

The Clinging On & The Release

2010-04-17T00:30:00.000+08:00

Past few weeks I had been diligently editing my teacher's entries for his work. From the first time I 'officially' took on the job, I felt a kind of flow through me while reading and editing his entry. There was a sort of clarity and surety in it which I am unable to express or put into words. It's as if, the work is not done by me - or as if, the understanding that came to me, was not from me, but through me. It was as if too, because of my willingness to play the role of supporting my teacher or rather more of the work that he was and still doing, I got roped into the Wisdom flow.

The experiences I had were joyful. With reflections as gratitude and appreciation coming back, it was not hard to start the process of 'clinging on', unconsciously. Who doesn't like to be appreciated, or be gratified... and most importantly, be 'rewarded' with the flow of Wisdom? At least I know I do.

And for that, I unconsciously held on to the experience which gave birth to expectations. This hanging on to the experience of Wisdom flowing through me to allow my understanding of my teacher's articles (so that I could rightfully edit or proofread his work so per se) was a new kind of thrill for me, or more truthful - to the ego. To the extent that since the past few entries, I had noticed a 'disconnected-ness' from the flow of Wisdom; as if Wisdom had left me thus making me feel as if I was in a dumb state. I could not really understand what he was trying to convey in the entries which inevitably hit the button of unworthiness. It was a vicious cycle, and a cycle that I had unconsciously rode on. There was much self-judgment at this stage. I also became somewhat miserable.

Soon today, as I was speaking to Angel, I suddenly realised that I was attached to the experience of having Wisdom flow through me to edit or proofread my teacher's work. It was of no surprise to me, although now it is my ignorance that is revealed. I was not mindful. Fullstop. Nothing to it, and for that I 'suffer' the consequences of the 'attachment' albeit it was nothing physical or tangible to it.

It is ironinc to learn that to have something, we need to let it go. To desire of it, and yet harp on it is to bring an end to what we desire. Thus the saying, 'Let Go'. And then we ask ourselves, what is it that we have to let go? What if we let go, and it never comes back? And that is the gift of it - the learning of trust and surrender. Having said that, it is always easier said than that. But what is truly important is not the experience of having Wisdom flow through me (in the context of this story, that is), but the peace of mind that allowed me to see that the hanging on to this experience was causing my suffering - a sort of mini self-bashing session I was quietly going through in my space. It's silly. And now that I realise it, it is comical; and yet that silliness has brought me to another revelation. So how could that be silly, but a wise connotation?

Wisdom has never left me except my own blocks that disallow me to access it, or rather for it to access through me. It is never about the Ancient Masters not coming to me, but my own inability to lift up the barrier between us. And so here, I trust that whatever I experience from moment to moment is my entitlement, and I surrender whatever wilful desire to His plans. As my daily lesson today in ACIM depict - Only God's plan for salvation will work. Mine will never work, for the ego's plan for salvation will always be one that hovers around grievances. And again, as quoted in ACIM for my daily lesson few days ago - My grievances hide the light of the world in me.

And in truth, I am the light, for I am too the beacon. And if I were to continue to be the beacon, then I must remain the light that is within me.

Namaste.

Hong Kong Day 4

2010-04-14T20:00:00.001+08:00

I actually only took one picture during the train ride to the airport. Lazy to upload it ;p, so please forgive me. And then I question myself the necessity to write this entry even. Hmm.. the mind somehow just needs a completion.. more like penetrated with guilt of non-completion!! lols! So here it is...

I did not go anywhere on the 4th day. When Mark & Irene were at work, I went downstairs to the mall to get some breakfast. No shops were opened save for those which served breakfast, so all I did was buy myself a corn beef bun and a cup of milk tea. Went back upstairs to enjoy my breakfast and then to pack my bags.

They came back at about 12ish to have lunch with me and for the first time, I met Irene's mom. They look alike. Such gentle features... :) Didn't want to bring my elephant along with me so I didn't managed to snap a picture of them. Lugging the elephant around for 3 days is no joke! And I was going to carry it for the rest of the day until I arrive in KL too!! Lols!

Anyway, we had Japanese for lunch. Not any different from those in Malaysia but company was great. We were exchanging more information about Malaysia and Hong Kong. They kept thinking that I don't eat pork, just because I am Malaysian. Explained to them about our races, ethnics and so forth. Irene's mom was really surprised that I was in HK not to shop, but to take photos!! She must think me weird.. lols!

After lunch, we went back upstairs to get my luggage. After giving Irene a big warm hug, I left for the airport independently.

And now (ahem, since last night actually), I am safe home... :) Albeit a little tired, but I am 'coping' with home just fine.. lols!

Thank you, Mark & Irene for your wonderful company and hospitality. Deepest appreciation from my heart. Love. :)

Hong Kong Day 3

2010-04-14T01:53:00.000+08:00

Gene and I met at Central and made our blur-blur way to Cheong Chau, one of the small islands surrounding Hong Kong.

Our way through IFC to the Ferry Piers.

The Fast Ferry which we took to Cheong Chau. Ride time was approximately 35 minutes.

We arrived at Cheong Chau at about 11ish. Finally, we were in a fishing village!!

People in Cheong Chau travel by foot or bicycle.

They were really fresh. I was so tempted to buy them, but decided against it. Please don't ask me why.

Sun-dried Starfish is for.

Sun-dried baby sea turtles.

Damn old-school cafe. I like. But we didn't stop to drink.

Apparently, the motels in this street are haunted. Mark & Irene explained that many people come to this island, rent a room in this street and commit suicide because it is really quiet here so no one will be able to save them.

I damn like this door - reminds me of some martial arts centre back in the old old days.

From the temple, we decided to head towards the North Pointout Pavilion which apparently will allow us to take an overall picture of Cheong Chau.

Pit stop at some garden mid way to the Pavilion.

The staircase leading us up towards the North Pointout Pavilion.

The North Pointout Pavilion

We calculated and concluded that our 2-hour walk up to the Pavilion was due to our frequent stops to camwhore (more like him-lah, I don't like taking pictures of myself :-s). The walk was intense though.. reminds me of those walks (actually, only twice) I experienced with BB and the C&C gang.. I nearly fainted, I tell you!! In Cheong Chau I mean, not the Kiara walk.

It only took us about 30 minutes to get downhill. ;p By then, we were already very, very, very tired... so we just strolled and later rented a bicycle. Gene wanted to walk another hill to take pictures of some ancient rock thingy.. but I told him I was just too tired and that I'd wait for him below the hill. Thank God he changed his mind.. lols!

We left Cheong Chau at about 5:45pm as we both had prior dinner appointments with our own friends for dinner back in Hong Kong Island. I met Mark, Irene & Alex at Tai Ku station and had roast geese.. yummy!!! Btw, I have not seen Alex in 12 years! It was sure good to see him again after all these years!

Alex, me & Mark

Irene, me & Mark

Alex & I

I was really, really tired that day. Not only that, I was sticky, smelly and messy.. the wind was blowing my hair all over and I sweat profusely due to the humid weather and intense walk up the hill (at Cheong Chau). Hubby also noticed that I am now darker. Hmm.. hitam manis.. I like too!! :)

Hong Kong Day 2 (morning - afternoon)

2010-04-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

This is where I stay. Very convenient. Just below the condominium is already the train station.

We were told that the main roads in Central, HK are closed on Sundays to cater for the maids' day out. They are really plentiful of them.. amazing!!

We took a bus and arrived at Stanley Market. This is Gene. Can't remember what he was pointing at. ;p

Mark & Irene were very spotting. They were both our models of the day! Lols!

This restaurant is featured again and again in TVB series. It is indeed a lovely place, albeit expensive (as I was told).

This was my lunch. Fried fish skin (yummy), Kai-Lan with oyster sauce (yummy) and Yin-Yong (coffee & tea mix). Absolutely delicious. The food place looks really shabby, but I guess that is was authentic food is all about! ;p

Never imagined that I would be able to witness such old fashioned traditional doors in my life. The houses were really old, but well maintained to a certain extent. Really authentic feel.

The camwhore - as he calls himself. ;p

We got out of Stanley Market and headed towards somewhere in Central again to take a tram. Irene explained to me that under the bridge, there are ritual services which people perform to get rid of the 'bad' people in your life.

Irene & Mark in the tram. Lovely couple! :)

We got down from the tram at Central itself and walked into this place called Times Square. Got myself (meaning my family also-lah) an iPod Touch. Mark really had a good time setting it up for me! Lols!

We were all very tired after a long day's walk so we stopped to have delicious warm egg-tarts, pork chop burger and milk tea. We then proceed home for a rest, before Gene and I headed towards the Peak ourselves, where pictures have been posted in the previous entry.

Hong Kong Day 2 (afternoon-night)

2010-04-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

The photos are not in sequence following the events of the day. These photos were taken during our tram ride.

I love these stairs. See this so much in those TVB series! haha...

Took a brief walk to Lan Kwai Fong only to realised that it was such a short street!!

In the night after dinner, Gene (camwhoring buddy ~ his term) and I went up to the Peak.

This was taken on the way up to the Peak in the tram. The hill was very, very sloppy that all the buildings looked like they were slanting!!

By the time we arrived at the Peak, the fog set in. So we only managed to take some 'erry' pictures.. ;p

The tram ride on the way down.

When I arrived at Mark & Irene's home at about 11.45pm, they were not asleep. They told me that they were going to call me if I was not home by midnight. They were worried that I got lost.. haha.. so sweet of them... ;)

Hong Kong Day 1

2010-04-13T11:23:00.001+08:00

When I arrived, Mark & Irene was there to pick me up at the train station. They took me straight to half peak for photography. Unfortunately it was pretty foggy due to an earlier rain.

After coming down from the peak, they took me to this place... which I can't remember the name.. shucks, getting old d... poor memory!! ;p

And then it was yummy dessert time at this suburb named Tin Hau!! The tau-foo-fa in this shop is super yummy!! Somewhat different from our local ones. I even tried mah-lat fishballs and beefballs. Yum! yum!

Being good host, they wanted to buy fruits so that I could munch at home. But reminded that I wouldn't be home alot.. would be out... taking pictures of beautiful Hong Kong!! ;D

They brought me home to their lovely, cozy home. My room was already prepared. Because of their warm hospitality even for only a few hours, I immediately already felt at home... :)

What if we never meet again?

2010-04-11T03:35:00.000+08:00

I begin to realise how very often we take each other's presence for granted. Today, as I was getting ready to board the aircraft to HK all on my own for the very first time, a question popped in my head 'What if we never meet again?' Since there was still time, I sat down and wrote a text message of gratitude and love to my loved ones. Forgive me if you did not receive this message as I wasn't sure if you would take it the right way. No, please, don't forgive me for that as there is nothing to forgive there. Instead, forgive me for not trusting you enough to be ready to receive such a message from me. My bad, my bad...

Although I already had some sort of expectations on the responses I would receive after sending out that particular message, still I felt a sense of surprise upon receiving them. Those replies went, "Are you ok?"; "Are you not coming back?"; "Why you say like that?" I could imagine what went on in their heads. It's like a sudden wake up call, "What if we really, never meet again?"; "What if that was the last time we'd ever see each other again?"; "What if that was the last time for us to hug?"; "Is that to be the last time I'd tell the person I love him/her?" And it boils down to guilt -> guilt of "have I said or done enough?"; "have I given enough?"; "have I loved and appreciated enough?"; even "have I been loved and appreciated enough?"

And it is heartwarming to also receive reciprocal replies! Like, "I love you too!" What I could only sense from this space is a sense of mutual respect, gratitude and love. It's as if, the friendship or relationship is being lived moment by moment to the fullest, hence its tank is always full and thus, could we conclude, that we have given and received what is blessedly entitled to you and me?

Nothing is ever enough for the ego, so to speak. But the mind will always need a sort of completion. And that inspired me to make that expression to my loved ones. I will never know what would happen. To constantly pray for the safety of my family, loved ones or even myself while away from them (at this moment, that is) is deviating my attention to something beyond my control, and away from what is there for me in the present. As if I would know if I did die today, it would not be for my highest good. Like I said, I will never know.

And if I am fully present to each and every of my relationships, no guilt could penetrate as evident from the several relationships that I had experienced. No guilt! Just mutual respect, love & gratitude. So there cease the egoic relationship and emerges a spiritual relationship where learning is made possible with mutual respect and support without ever overextending or underextending ourselves.

I wanted my loved ones to know how much I love them, and how much I appreciate their presence in my life.. that I am so grateful for the lessons that I've learnt through them. I wish to say that I am at peace. Nevermind that no one knew or understood me, for today I have understood myself and that is all that matters.

To put it into words more real to my experience, I felt as if "I" am dying inside. From moment to moment, as we come closer to the Truth, a little bit of the old "I" dies, with the reborn of another. We die slowly, withering the false self for the True Authentic Self to emerge.

As what dear Paul Ferrini shares in his book,

"Once you enter truth, the ego dies, for it can get no foothold. But the ego is not assassinated. It dies into truth. It surrenders. It is not a painful act, but an ecstatic one."

~ excerpts from Illuminations on the Road to Nowhere by Paul Ferrini ~

And so I surrender myself and my loved ones to the Spirit who knows it all. That each moment as "I" die, I am reborn again in Spirit.

And for that, as "I" die, we may really, never meet again; but as and when we meet again, we will meet in Spirit, in essence, and in Love.

Namaste.

And so She Falls in Love...

2010-04-10T00:07:00.001+08:00

At first she fell in love with authority, because she thought that she was not a leader.
And then she discovered that she was a natural, inborn with leadership qualities.

Moving on she fell in love with praises, because she thought she was not beautiful.
And then she realized she was beauty, by being her very authentic self.

Later she fell in love with money, because she thought that she was lack.
And then she learnt that she was abundance, that whatever that came to her was her entitlement.

And so she fell in love with Love, because she thought she had none.
And then she learnt albeit the hard way, that she was no other than Love.

And now she’s in love with Wisdom, because at first she thought it was not hers,
And soon she realized that Wisdom belongs to everybody, never excluding her…

And still she stayed with Wisdom, for reasons only clear to her,
Because the diligent path she threads, leads her to her freedom.

The Other Side of it

2010-04-09T12:47:00.001+08:00

The other day one of my teacher's entry which I was editing screwed up my mind a little. I thought I had understood what he was saying and had worded it distortedly, but apparently it only proved that I had a fixated view on it. When I finally got hold of him for purpose of seeking clarification, I got a glimpse of what he meant. Unsatisfied still, I called Angel to talk about it. Although she was confused by what I was saying and what my teacher had wrote, it somehow brought more clarity to me.

When I first embarked on this journey, I learned and realised that we were all victims, because we allowed ourselves to be. We don't know how not to be one, because that was the conditioning since young - to dishonour ourselves, for we are not important - as long as others are happy. We give so much power to others that when they are happy, we are happy. When we sit down and think about it, it is really silly. I am happy because you are happy? So obvious that I am relying and dependant on you for my happiness! How absurd!

So then we start rising up to ourselves. We start honouring and loving ourselves, standing in our own integrity to be responsible for our own happiness, our own decisions. We learned, that no one out there is to be blamed, it is all our own creation.

And then my teacher's entry titled Wherein the Discerning Mind had truly made me see the other side of things. We are so concerned about others making us victims, and yet so often, we are unaware that we too, are victimizing others. Of course, a victim can only victimise another when he himself is a victim. There is no other way. The cycle repeats itself again and again. When my parents do unto me, I do unto my child; how my boss treats me, that is how I'd treat my subordinates. Because we now feel that China is coming up and the language is so important as we experience it, we want our children to attend a Chinese school environment despite the kids' reluctance. And as if that is not enough, we impose the exact same ideas on our fellow relatives, friends, colleagues and etc. The other parties definitely have a choice of their own, but can you imagine, the guilt trip we are sending them onto? When a child tells a parent, what he wishes to learn, if the parent resonates with that interest (which is normally in alignment with the norm of the society or surroundings), then it is a yes. If not, the parent will try in all directional ways to convince the child that that is not a good thing to do because, because, because... imagine how the child would feel!! So the child begins to, in future, makes his move to seek approval, to dishonour himself and simply never learning to trust himself. Having said that, it is not the case for all. But, most.

Time and time again, I am faced with situations where people share with me, "I can't leave the company because of my dad.", "I can't move out because of my mom", "I can't be what I want today because of my parents", "I cannot go for fun book club because I got family dinner". Oh my goodness!!! When will we all start to take responsibilities and start honouring ourselves? "I can leave the company but I choose not to because I can't face the guilt of leaving my dad. You see, I am not important!", "I can move out but I choose not to because I can't bear the guilt of hurting my mom. You see, I am not important!", "I can be what I am today but I choose to stay like this so that I can continue to blame my parents for who I am today so that I don't have to face the guilt within for dishonouring myself! You see, it is too painful to see that I am not important!", "I don't want to go to fun book club because I don't want to be guilty for not spending time with my family! You see, I am not important!"

Can we just rise up to what's truly inside us? Can we begin to take responsibility? Can we begin to see that everything has something to do with guilt and then transcend it? Rather than abiding to it all the time, all the time, repeating the cycle of self-abuse - of not honouring thyself ~ and really making that I am not worthy story more real than it is actually not?

May we slowly withdraw our own tentacles on others, and consciously allow others to withdraw theirs from us. Let us all disentangled ourselves from this illusionary entanglement which is so unnecessary. For what, you may ask? For our freedom.

That's All...

2010-04-08T16:25:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to all lovers, lovees (if there's such a word ;p) and soulmates...

I can only give you love that lasts forever,

And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all,
That's all...

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall;
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter's night
That's all,
That's all.

There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love even time can't destroy.

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore
That's all,
That's all.

Bring Me Back to Life

2010-04-08T13:35:00.000+08:00

This resonates deeply...

How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb
Without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)

Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)
Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love, darling
Only you are the life among the dead

All this time, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

Without thought, without voice, without a soul
Don't let me die here
There must be something more
Bring me to life

Wake me up
(Wake me up inside)
I can't wake up
(Wake me up inside)
Save me
(Call my name and save me from the dark)
Wake me up
(Bid my blood to run)
I can't wake up
(Before I come undone)
Save me
(Save me from the nothing I've become)

I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside
Bring me to life

We Fit Together ;p

2010-04-08T01:45:00.003+08:00

I've been waiting for the stars to come out
Dinner it was fine but i can't lie cause
I've been waitin' for ya to come back to mine
I've been thinkin' of ya 24/7 and 365
Now the girl from impanema she's here lyin by my side

I got you now and i just wanna
Show you how to play
Goosebumps on your body guide the way

I wanna go all night aint no stoppin'
'Til the breaking of the dawn
I wanna go inside every corner girl you
Really turn me on

I wanna go
Knock knock
Our bodies to the beat and when the morning comes
We're letting the sun shine
Stay in bed
Can't seperate us we fit together

I can feel you coming closer dancing in the dark
I touch your lips and kiss your shoulders
Send a letter to your heart
I can't explain to which extreme i'm feeling you
How many triple X dreams that's been starring you

I got you now and i just wanna
Show you how to play
Goosebumps on your body guide the way

I wanna go all night aint no stoppin'
'Til the breaking of the dawn
I wanna go inside every corner girl you
Really turn me on

I wanna go
Knock knock
Our bodies to the beat and when the morning comes
We're letting the sunshine
Stay in bed
Can't seperate us we fit together

I don't get nothin' done of what i aught to do
It doesn't really matter to me
I,I,I,am here with you

I can't explain to what degree i'm feeling you
How many triple X dreams i've had starring you

But I got you now and i just wanna
Show you how to play
Goosebumps on your body guide the way

I wanna go all night aint no stoppin'
'Til the breaking of the dawn
I wanna go inside every corner girl you
Really turn me on

I wanna go
Knock knock
Our bodies to the beat and when the morning comes
We're letting the sunshine
Stay in bed
Can't seperate us we fit together

I wanna go all night aint no stoppin'
'Til the breaking of the dawn
I wanna go inside every corner girl you
Really turn me on

I wanna go
Knock knock
Our bodies to the beat and when the morning comes
We're letting the sunshine
Stay in bed
Can't seperate us we fit together

(All night)I wanna go
(All night)Can i go
(Inside)How about
(Inside)I wanna go
(All night)Can i go
(All night)What about
(Inside)Can I go
(Inside)

Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered

2010-04-08T01:07:00.007+08:00

One of my all-time-favourite... enjoy! *winks*

******

Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered

[Rod Stewart]

After one whole quart of brandy

Like a daisy I awake

With no Bromo Seltzer handy,

I don't even shake.

[Cher]

Men are not a new sensation;

I've done pretty well, I think.

But this half-pint imitation

Put me on the blink

I'm wild again

Beguiled again

A simpering, whimpering child again

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Rod Stewart]

Listen, baby

I couldn't sleep

And wouldn't sleep

Until I could sleep where I shouldn't sleep

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Cher]

Lost my heart but what of it?

My mistake I agree.

[Rod Stewart]

Oh she's such a laugh, and I love it

Although the laugh's on me.

[Cher]

Oohh I'll sing to him

Bring springs to him

And worship the trousers that cling to him

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Rod]

Oh you're so cute

Oh she's kept enough, she's slept enough

And yet, where it counts she's adapt enough

[Cher] Aha

[Both]

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

[Cher]

When he talks he is seeking

Words to get off his chest.

[Rod Stewart]

Horizontally speaking

She's at her very best.

[Both]

Oh we've seen a lot

I mean a lot

And now we're like sweet seventeen a lot

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

Oh, we're vexed again

Perplexed again

Thank God we can't be over-sexed again

Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I

She's delusional.

2010-04-08T00:32:00.007+08:00

She's been told a few stories. And then she creates evidence to support the stories, not conscious that this is what she has chosen to experience. And then she realise, she's in a dilemma, a tough position. No one can get her out of it, except herself.

As what her teacher continously tell her, we create our toy, and then get scared by it ~ she got scared by her own toy, her very own playground which she had created.

And now she wants to run away. She wants to get rid of the toy, and even the playground, tear down all the play equipments and even sack the caretaker! She thinks that by doing that, perhaps she could still retain her diginity; or so she thinks.

Yet, strangely there's apart of her that knows - that could not be the way. Who would she be running away from, except herself?

Still, she thinks maybe she could do this, or maybe she could do that.. or perhaps, she could just forget about any previous information related to the incident that had come to her. Could she really? She would really just be burying deeper what had been surfaced, an ancient pain. An illusionary ancient pain.

She knows what she wants, and yet finds it difficult because of the guilt, the shame and fear. "It's not real." she tells herself when she is conscious; but totally bought into the drama when she forgets who she really is.

When she listens, the flow of wisdom sets in momentumtarily and there is peace; but when she forgets, she beats herself up for the guilt, the shame and the fear. She forgets that when she is oblivious to what is running in her mind, she behaves that way. She wants to cry, she wants to scream.
*

She is in great pain, only because she is delusional. To protect herself, she seemingly attacks and then blames herself again. Poor, poor her... running around her own prison, seeking for the way out.

Somehow though, her constant nourishing of the habit to reflect within has inspired her to be alone, to be still. For that is when, she knows that the listening is possible, the flow of wisdom is possible, the release is then, finally possible. She trusts her cultivation would pay off for that is what which is keeping her sane in her seeming insanity. It would always be worth it, because that would lead her to truly see the truth - that everything is just a misunderstanding - everything, even her own self, is just a dream.

Meaninglessness of Words

2010-04-07T01:07:00.000+08:00

When we were little, we learned ABC. Once we were familiar with the entire range of alphabets, we were taught to form words with them, and then to put meanings into them.

The other day, Microsoft Word had red lines underneath some words which my teacher had typed on some articles. I was sure I had heard or read those words before, but somehow Word did not accept them as words, giving me the impression that they were either spelt wrongly, or no such words exist. Not satisfied, I checked the Oxford dictionary and some Word Power dictionary that I've purchased from Reader's Digest. Still, no word to be found. I decided to google them, and most words (which I had googled) did have their definitions though they were not the source of words; and beside them, in italics or in brackets explained to me why these words were not in the dictionaries or accepted by Word. They were less commonly used.

My darling Angel (ahem, as in Angeline) is a very cute girl. Many a times, when our teacher tells us a word, or when I tell her a word, or someone else tells her a word, she would say that it is not it. When I ask her to explain to me her experience of what she deemed to be different, I'd soon find out that she meant the same as what our teacher said, what I said or what someone else had said. And then she'd say, "eh, but I thought that was YYY (as in the word she used differently)!!!" And we'd both realise that we had the same meaning or experiences but had worded them differently. Similarly, hers and my meaning of the word 'Innocence'; albeit the same word; is different.

Who is to say that what she perceived of the meaning of a word is not the word that is not right? And who is to say that what we perceived of the meaning of a word, so commonly used, is right? In truth, there is no right and wrong because words are meaningless. They are merely alphabets put together, and being conjured a meaning as a mean to communicate with the public.

So easily we judge ourselves or others when we see things differently from the norm of the society. It's either we are wrong, or they are wrong ~ so we either beat ourselves up, or we have mental wars with others. It's a never-ending story.

Of course, it serves a purpose to communicate in the same 'lingo' per se. But really, even if we are really speaking the same language, using words which are commonly understood by the norm, can we be sure that I am really understanding you, or that you are really understanding me? I can never be sure and will never know. Can you?

Distorted Reality

2010-04-07T00:43:00.003+08:00

When someone gives you, it is your entitlement; when you give someone, it is their entitlement. Simple as that. It is when anyone starts putting meaning into an action, the storyline begins.

This morning, I received a text from a friend saying that he will be in Pyramid on Tuesday. Because it is Tuesday today, I wasn't sure if he was referring to today or whichever Tuesday. So I replied seeking clarification. He replied, "Today". I replied again, citing that I'd be at Gardens and then received no more text from him, until I have arrived at Gardens. He said that he could detour to collect some documents from me if I had taken them out with me. I didn't bring out any documents with me.

Without a thought, I told him that I was already in Garden, and added, "you replied so late..." Very soon, his reply came back concluding, "ya.. ya.. everything is my fault." I was surprised, as I did not see it that way. When I queried him further if he felt guilty, he answered saying no, but was given the perception that it was so. I quietly laughed at myself. I must have sent out that energy.

In truth, nothing has happened. So he replied late in my experience and that was a fact to my experience. However, I failed to see from his point of view that, that was the best he could do at that moment because he was caught up with something else and could not reply to me earlier. And, that's really ok. That was reality, because it happened that way.

But how the conclusions came about were resulting from the ideas that were running in both our minds. "I should have called earlier."; "I shouldn't have said that.". Thus, the beginning of the externalised storyline. What is the difference? It has happened and could not happen any other way - as in, us being unable to meet. That was reality, and we both unconsciously distorted reality by concluding that it was his being late that had resulted in another delay.

And earlier, my aunt called me to share with me her experience of a credit card overcharged, resulting in my uncle having to pay heaps more than expected from her 'carelessness' of not checking details prior to signing a form. This resulted in a lot of guilt arising within her. Having said that however, everything has been resolved todate.

It was obvious to me, the ideas that were running in her head. And she asked me, "Should I go back to work?" I laughed. This cycle is so ancient and it happens to all of us, and yet we cannot see what is it that makes her say that. "I am bored" we say, or "I want to make my own money". It is all an illusion. An illusion that keeps us here, recycling what is ancient within us, blocking us from seeing what is really being called to see.

"What is the Truth?" she asked me. Oooh the ego so wants to know... "it depends where you are," I told her. The Spirit already knows. The Spirit always knew. Only when we continuously run around, not listening; camouflaging what's within; we see what's we have always seen before, never realising that there is always something more.

My teacher told me the other day, my past wisdom is my present ignorance. To be honest, I was very much triggered by it. I had just acknowledged my progress!! And yet, there was wisdom in what he said ~ there is no conclusion to wisdom. To see things as before, is not seeing it at all.

Namaste.

It's back to the Self

2010-04-05T23:16:00.000+08:00

It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell.

~ Buddha ~

thus, the beginning journey back to the Self...

The Chattering

2010-04-05T10:29:00.001+08:00

Although on the surface, everything seems fine, the inner world is what we truly experience as real. So constantly and unconsciously that at every moment in time, whenever we see a 'body' out there, we are either seeking approval or something else from another. It could be a simple sms, which did not require an acknowledgment, and yet the mind wanders off, wandering... "eh, how come he/she never reply one?"

Is there a need to reply an sms when all that one sends in a text are merely expressions? As what BiBoo said in the comment of my previous entry, we look like we are talking to each other, but in truth, we are just talking to ourselves - verbalizing our internal talk. It is like those people you see in asylums, or in the midst of getting caught up in work. They start talking to themselves and we label them as 'mad' or 'crazy'.

The truth is that we are all mad. But on another level, that too, is an illusion when we are finally aware of our immersion with the automated programmes running in the mind. There are two inner worlds that are struggling within ~ one that sees the truth and the other that lives the lie.

Yesterday I went through some saved chats I had with some friends. As I read through consciously, I realised how easily we misinterpret or misunderstand each other. I'm sure you know how it is, words flying across the chat rooms without stopping.. sometimes it is confusing until someone decides to stop a while and wait for the other to finish talking. And yet, even if that person has or has not, we wouldn't know.. because that person does not say so unless we ask. So it is always in our guessing, and for that the possibility of interruptions and misunderstanding each other is so high.

Another thing I realised about myself was this. I like silence, but yet fear of it. That is why I talk a lot, even in chats. I just type on, not paying full attention to what is being presented to me because I am afraid of the silence which could potentially arise. And I cannot allow that silence to come up, especially when I deem there is a 'body' out there communicating with me, because that would trigger discomfort in me - all learning from a delusional idea, the wrong perception from the observations of past experiences. So you see how the mind is always chattering. At least in my case. Even when we see a quiet person, we perceive that the person is peaceful and has nothing much to say thus conclude he must have a peaceful mind. Check with him deeper, and he will reveal that it is not so... there are many, many chattering in the mind, only that he did not take the path to externalise it.

Sometimes it comes to the extent that there is really nothing to say because you will never get what I mean and I will never get what you mean. When I think I get what you mean, it is only because what I think you are saying is what I think resonating with what I think it is. In truth, I may never be sure if that is what you mean for words that come out from you are going into my ears and my mind, which are then interpreted by the old programming which still runs.

It's hard to shake this off. But it is only hard because we judge. Although self-awareness is important, what's more important - according to my experience and my teacher's repeated teachings - is our attitude towards it, and our choice to consciously choose again.

In truth, nothing has happened. It was all a dream. It was just our imagination. It was just an illusion, which we had unconsciously took it as real... opps... ;p

The Acknowledgement

2010-04-03T02:31:00.002+08:00

The other day I was having a chat with one of my teachers over Skype. He commented how much I had grown in my journey and that I was resonating with his teachings. At that moment, although I was sure he was right, there was sheer shyness obviously stemming from the sense of unworthiness. The praise I would say did ‘make my day’ although constant thoughts of doubt filled my head too. My teacher, noticing my silence and, understanding the mind too well, reminded me to ignore the ego talks.

After that conversation, I felt a little elated and a little proud. I excitedly told hubby what my teacher had said and hubby too, acknowledged the same. At that moment, I wondered… how would he (hubby) know that I had grown? And then I realize the sense of doubt had surfaced again.

At this stage, self-inquiry has become a natural process for me. It was always a matter a time when this process sets in for the right understanding to surface. I questioned the mixed emotions; pretty sure that it was all of egoic nature, or rather unconscious projection at play.

And soon, I realized…

I did not dare to acknowledge my own growth - this failure to acknowledge myself had put me in an inferior position, seeking approval or acknowledgement from the outside. And once I get that from the outside, I became somewhat superior! However, that superiority did not last when plays of doubt set in. It just could not surpass that inferiority because that superiority was merely a swing from one end of the pendulum from the other end. Get what I mean?

And yet, I cannot deny that I have indeed grown. Even Angel commented that the contents of my blog entries are somewhat different from the past. Being true to myself, I realized that my understanding had heightened to the extent that I could edit my teacher’s work with a kind of clarity and surety. I clearly understands what he is writing - even having the courage to correct his sentences to put out what he means clearer. Previously when I was bestowed such tasks, I would just proofread per se. Just grammatical errors if you know what I mean, not having the guts to question, suggest or say anything at all simply because I wasn’t really sure if I understood what he was writing!! And I assure you, what my teacher writes is D-E-E-P! Now, I could put in words; suggest another way to present what he means and etc. That, to me, is real progress in my journey.

So having realized my own progress, and finally acknowledging myself for it, I came to peace with myself.

How did I know?

On Thursday, I went up to Ipoh with my teacher and a few friends. During our mum-mum time, my teacher mentioned once again to one of our friends that I was one of his fastest growing students from the centre. Another accompanying friend acknowledged that. I kept quiet and watched the mind. I did not feel anything. I did not feel elated, or shy, or even in doubt. It was strange, but I knew. I was impartial to that statement because I had already acknowledged myself for it. I did not need anyone out there to acknowledge me in that way anymore. In fact, I never needed any acknowledgement from anyone, except myself. Although having said that, I still appreciate your expression, teacher!! *winks*

It is easy to tell ourselves or other people that whatever that we have ever needed is within, and that in truth, we don’t really ‘need’ anything from anyone out there. But until the experience is true to me, then I could vouch for it. And now, I can vouch for it.

I used to be pretty upset when people misunderstand my blog entries too. When I write, I write from the space of truth – my experience of truth, that is – and my intentions are purely to share, or to remind myself; but somehow I would receive comments telling me not to think so much, not to be sad, angry or upset… and that life is simply too short! As if I belonged to some mental hospital!!

Oh, if you only knew the Truth! And really, I am just jotting down what I’ve learned and what I’ve experienced… not upset, or angry or sad, or depressed.

But that aside. That is not what I was getting at. What I am getting at is this; I am no longer effected by other people’s comments on my blog… I finally understand them, because I have understood myself. And, this understanding liberates me.

The Quick Defense

2010-03-31T14:55:00.001+08:00

The other day, I saw how I so quickly defended myself when someone comments something about me which I deem as untrue. Untrue, because I think I am not what they think me to be.

My MIL commented that I will not be able to live without a maid when I said that once my dogs die and guardian angel decides not to renew her contract, I would move to a smaller residence and live without a maid. My MIL laughed and said, "You will still need a maid right? You've never been without a maid!" That is not entirely true. I have had the luxury of not having domestic support. However, as I pondered deeply upon my quick-to-defend behaviour, I begun to understand why she would have such a perception of me, and why I couldn't agree with her perception of me.

She was right. In her knowledge of my life's experiences, I had always been blessed with a maid! Only when hubby and I lived together before our little gem was born did I experience a brief period without a maid. That too, I had part time helpers to clean the house. Not that I couldn't do it on my own, or that I needed cleaners. Just that I chose to hire them.

What she thought or perceived of me was right. It cannot be wrong because that was her observations of me and her conditioning had made her conclude that I could not live without a maid. And what has her perception got to do with me, except to allow me an opportunity to self-inquire my auto-mated reaction?

I realised that I was triggered because I think what you say about me is untrue; and I don't like you to think that way of me. Again, what have what you think of me got to do with me? That's right, absolutely nothing. Anyone is entitled to think what they think similarly to my entitlement to freedom.

So it seems that while others have perceptions of me, so have I of myself. And when I find that you say or think a quality of me which does not agree with the list of qualities of what I think I am, then I'd say, "you don't know me." But do I really have these qualities - those I think I have and those you think I have? Yes and no. Yes due to the nature of impermanence; and no because what is inconsistent cannot be real. What is real is always constant and consistent.

So what I think I am, and what you think I am is ultimately not important ~ because they are all not me. And who I am; whom you think you see, whom I think I see; is but only a bundle of false ideas, hiding behind a persona to fool the world and myself that ~ this is I. In fact, there is not even an "I". Get it?

The Spiritual Journey

2010-03-26T10:56:00.000+08:00

Since I've been on my own journey, I've come across many few who also claim to be on their journey. Why I say 'claim' is because I can never know if they are as serious as I am in my journey, or if they, in fact, even know what the term 'spiritul journey' means. Either way, there's no right and wrong - there never has been anyway.

Well, my spiritual journey may not be in the context that is familiar to many. You see, spirituality has always been linked to great religions and they very much include (in perceptions) prayers, going to temples, being a follower of monks/great teachers, charitable works, donations, meditation, and etc. But truly, have we ever pondered, if this is what spirituality really means?

I would label (according to my perception, that is) myself if I did the stuffs I just mentioned above more as 'pious' than spiritual. Pious because that would be examples defined according to religion practice. I wouldn't even call it a teaching. On the surface, I may say, "oh, I respect all religions and they are the same." but on the inside, I know what beliefs I strongly hold - "I will never bow/pay respect to a statue!", "I will never listen to a Christian sermon" or what have you.. well, not what have you... it's WHATEVER!!! And most of the time, I would be doing it out of fear, out of an ulterior motive of seeking protection/blessings, or simply just having 'something' out there to identify with, or belong to. So many possible ideas that could be churning in the subconscious, and yet, I act like a machine, without questioning.

Spiritual Journey (again, only my perception) is an inward journey leading towards freedom. As what LF always say, "it is turning the radar inwards." that means to say, instead of blaming someone/something out there justifying reasons why we have the right to be upset or angry - to just pay attention to ourselves instead, and question. Question, "why do I feel angry? what is it about me that I am not at peace with?" Surely, at the beginning journey, the arrows would continue shooting at someone/something out there, but consciously bringing it back to ourselves again and again, the right understanding will surely surface.

So how does right understanding serve me? It's simple and straightforward. It's freedom. Freedom from what, you may ask - the world? the society? the sufferings? Oh no... far, far from it... what is the world, the society or the sufferings but simply reflections of my inner world. When I am not at peace, the world shows me that; and when I am at peace, the world shows me that, too. :)

So, free from what?

I will tell you. Free from "I". Of course, even as I say, "I" want to be free - it can be born also from the stem of the ego. But you see, if it is my birth right to be free, then surely, this "I" that threads on the journey towards freedom and Home could not be the same "I" that causes the sufferings.

It is a tricky game. It ~ the ego ~ is in so many forms although it does not exist. And yet its excellence in fooling us that it exists through the 'realness' that we think it is. So it is truly not in the 'doing' of prayers, temple visiting, charitable deeds and etc that is any relevant in a Spiritual Journey but our own awakening to our ignorance. In truth, there is really just nothing to do, except to answer to an inner calling, that automatic knowing, that automatic decision - that alignment with Home.

I am thankful to the teachings made available to support my journey, and also to my teachers who serve as additional avenue of channels for the Truth to come through ~ one who knows exactly the timing to come into my space to give me more clarity; one who knows exactly the time to answer to my emails and shout-out (you know who-you-are *winks*) so as to trust and empower me in my journey to freedom, to Home.

Love & Gratitude. Namaste.

An Angel's Birthday

2010-03-22T18:17:00.001+08:00

JH decided to throw a birthday party for his lovely wife, JW. He had taken the time and effort to be in touch with her friends, including me and warned us specifically it is to be a surprise birthday party, so we must not leak a word to his wife. He had requested each of us, if possible, to cook something and to bring over to his place. Although I was quite sure that my schedule would be quite tight for the day, but I trusted myself on God's time and everything worked out perfectly timely for me.

Roasted Chicken Wings - New Recipe by Moon :)

I know the Roasted Chicken Wings doesn't look appetizing but I assure you, it was delicious if I may say so myself (ahem, despite the leftovers at the end of the night). I started marinating the chicken wings at about 12ish (afternoon) the minute I got home and rushed off to the Alumni's AGM. Got home by 5ish and started roasting them right away. The sweet aroma resulting from the roasting was yum yum!!

Arrived at JH's place at about early 7ish. Was ordered to park as far as I could from his house. Imagine, having to sling the new toy over my shoulder, one hand with JW's present, another with my handbag balancing the tray of chicken wings alone ain't easy. Just wasn't used to not having anybody to carry stuffs for me.. ;p Where was hubby? Resting at home as he had an early flight the next day.

We wanted as much as JH to make the surprise as perfect as it could be for JW, we all decided that we should hide our shoes.

If you are wondering who is the butler, his name is Shawn. :) Sorry, he is not for hire. ;p

There was nothing much to do after that except to wait for the 'phonecall' from JH...

Beautiful scenery from JH's home.

Some of them crowding in the kitchen preparing for the 'moment'.

Some of us waiting for the 'phonecall'

And finally, the phone call came!! They were 5 minutes away. We switched off the major lights and got the cake ready...

While waiting...

And in she popped, surprised!!!!!

The surprised JW being nudged by hubby to walk into her party!!

Making her birthday wish.

This is JW's friend who was one of the chef for the night. He cooked on the spot. :)

Yummy pasta!!

Dinner Time!!!

Beautiful Eva

If you are wondering about the last 4 photos.... you see, JW requested for each of her friend present that night to sing her a song. I don't know what gave her the idea that we would comply to her request and you know what, we all did!! But to make it less embarrassing, we each picked a song and then everybody sang along. JW had most songs in her laptop and one of her friends (Vincent, I think) had like many many many many many many many many many (you get the point right?) songs on his iPhone so music was not a problem. The lyrics were. And because nearly EVERYONE in that room had an iPhone, my goodness, it was so easy to just download the lyrics from their iPhone to sing together!! So if you look at the pictures carefully again, they were all singing to the lyrics on their iPhones!! Yes, ALL OF THEM!!! No kidding!! (Psst... hubby, I want an iPhone too!! ;ppp)

By the way, Lady Gaga is JW's favourite!

JH & JW

I knew JW through JH, her being JH's partner; and JH is an old friend from secondary school. I remember when I first met JW, we didn't connect very well but as time went by, we developed a beautiful friendship. :)

And here are some photos of the beautiful couple: -

Happy Birthday Jui Wan!!!

May all that you aspire be all that you experience...

Namaste. :)

Fear of the Known & Unknown.

2010-03-19T11:16:00.001+08:00

The mind is fearful of the unknown, but thinks it knows the known and also what lies in the unknown - which is what makes it fearful; and yet the truth is, it knows not of anything known or unknown, which is why it is always in a state of fear.

What Have I Done?!?!?!

2010-03-18T16:32:00.001+08:00

Alina and I had been friends for ages.. since secondary school days. She was the fierce one in school, and I was the softie. Always, she had to stand up for me while I hid behind the doors to watch her tell people off for bullying me.. lols.. ya, poor me! Lols!

We knew each other when we were 15. She was transferred to my class because she was so much smarter than the rest of the students in her previous class. I think we didn't speak much at first, and I think we started talking more after she blurted, "who is that singing?" while still in the toilet cubicle when she hear my sweet voice.. (cheh... perasan-nya.. just kidding!! ;p). You see, we were in the toilet at the same time during tea/lunch break, but I didn't know that she was in the cubicle when I started singing. So you can imagine how startled I was despite having other friends around when she suddenly asked that question! (at that time, it was a trend for girls to go to the toilets together). From then on, we started talking to each other more. She taught me scrabbles! I remember we would play scrabbles together in school during the period where students were allowed to study on their own for the upcoming exams. I loved playing scrabbles with her. She was so intelligent (ahem, still is)! :)

Girl, do you remember that we used to pass notes to each other in between classes too??? *winks*

And when we were both in Form 5. Both of us were the only silly ones who turned up at school (students were allowed to stay home to study for SPM) to study together in one of those empty classrooms. We'd talk and talk and I remember she would bring something to school for us to eat and.. eh, girl did I bring anything to school for us to eat too??? Ya, I remember.. I made potato salad.. and she said she loved potatoes!! Lols. We studied together, supported each other and really, listened to each other. I guess she was the only person that I had dared to be entirely honest with what was going on in my life and etc then. I was always afraid of being judged, not-accepted and she was always reminding how wonderful I was. She didn't know, she was my pillar of support. :)

We walked different paths eventually after we finished SPM. She started working and I studied, only occasionally meeting up with each other. I still remember the very first car she drove - that red Suzuki Swift. Lols. She was a trainer at a gym in Hartamas at the age of 18 you know! And today, she is a darn VP in one of the most prestigious banks in the industry. Am I so very proud of her.. :)

You know, she was the one who gave me advice on how to handle my interviews when I freshly graduated. She was the one who accompanied me to buy my first suit. She was the one who sent me flowers to cheer me up when my heart was broken. She was the one who drove all the way from Ampang to Klang to check on me if I was ok when I was down. She was my matron-of-honour for my wedding. She was the one who repeatedly reminded me, 'Gerry, this is your wedding... you do what you want!' only sharing her ideas with me when I ask of it. I know, she wants me to honour myself and live my life, for me. She also bought me a teddy bear for purpose to accompany me during nights when hubby was not home, worrying I might feel lonely. She still is, one of the friends my family remembers her dearly for ~ my bestie. :) Of course, they also remember her hubby, the 'botak' who always wore red whenever he visited during CNY! Lols!

A friendship is never a bed of roses. We had our quarrels and our time-outs. I guess sometimes we also bitch about each other! Lols! Most of the time, she slams the phone down on me :-s. Told you, she was the fierce one!! Lols! But we always end up where we last stopped, as if that break had never happened before. ;)

Today marks the 18th year. I received a morning SMS from her, and a surprise from her while I was writing this entry...

I was nearly in tears. She is just so thoughtful and sweet. You know, she never fails to send me CNY cards every year too eversince the day she started working! I guess it is one of her ways to tell me that I am always in her mind. :)

I decided to post this photograph because from this angle, I could see the big bear smile back at me. The big bear, would be her :).. She said that she wanted something to always remind me of her. Hrmf, as if I would need a soft toy!! Girl, your face has been deeply imprinted in my mind!! After 18 years and if I still can't remember you, you might as well just kill me!!! ;p

Once again, Happy 18th Year Friendship, Alina Grace!! It has been an honour being your friend, standing by you, listening to you vent, listening to you laugh, listening to your advice, and finally being able to share most of your important moments with you. I am glad that we are still, at this stage, close as ever ~ assured that nothing could ever come between us. Thank you, for enriching my life with your strengths, unique qualities and the many wonderful years of company and friendship. I seriously don't know what I had done to deserve such a beautiful friend like you...

I love you babe.. May you always be well and happy...

Another day at Gym & Piggin' Out!!

2010-03-18T14:46:00.000+08:00

I obediently, dilligently went to the gym this morning for a run. Mike (the personal trainer) said I have to be more hardworking and learn to be on my own, which I agree. Before I arrived at the club, Terrie called me for breakfast. Told her I will join her after my 30-minute run.

So I was there running. I observed two kinds of mind states as I ran. When I was looking forward to the end of the run - to end the torture of running, to meet with Terrie asap so that I could sit down and eat and gossip, I felt a sense of suffering as I ran when I noticed how slowly time seemed to tick away. But when I was staying present to the run, noticing how much I had come along (as in xxx km, xxx mins), I noticed a sense of peace, joy and appreciation for the run, or more real, appreciation for myself for staying with the run (ahem, I am hardly that discipline ;p). Some words appeared in the mind as each second went past, "this moment is different from the other."

I had a good workout. And after I sat down at PapaRich, I just ate non-stop. I ordered celery siew mai because I thought that was a healthy choice, but the portion was soooooo small that I had to put in an additional order of 'fu-chuk'. Still, not enough. Shortly, hubby joined us for breakfast/brunch and he ordered porridge. He ate half, and I whalloped the rest. Was I a pig or what?!?

So after all these eating, I ought to be pretty full right? Hmm, guess what, the mind was already thinking what to have for lunch. I could not resist lunch! Because hubby reheated last night's yummylicious baked pasta which I had cooked!! Ooooh, those cheese... and after that, hubby had to open up a packet of Cheezels... oooooooh, cheezels...... Bad, bad hubby... hrmf!! And now I am thinking, 'Darn... and all the hard work this morning!!' Lols.

Well, doesn't matter. I've decided that if my legs aren't aching so much by tonight and if I didn't receive a VERY-IMPORTANT phonecall by this evening, I'd probably go for another run tomorrow morning at the gym again. I guess it is a sure way to move myself towards fitness!! ;D

Disney On Ice 2010

2010-03-18T00:21:00.001+08:00

Sunday, 14th March 2010

Bought tickets for this show last year with Jer Lin. Unfortunately, hubby was rostered to work so I was left with an extra ticket. I was thinking of Paul, since Paul is very much like a kid in her own ways but before I could make that call to Paul, dad called.

Dad: Eh, gerry-ah, the Disney On Ice is coming to Malaysia you know?

Me: Ya dad, I know.

Dad: Are you bringing Thea ah?

Me: Ya, we bought tickets last year d.

Dad: Oh, you bought tickets adi ar..

Me: Ya, why, you want to go is it?

Dad: Ya lo, I thought of going.

Me: *shocked* Er.. actually I have one extra ticket. We bought 3 tickets but Jason is working so you want to go or not?

Dad: huh, you got free ticket ar, ok la ok la, I go la. When is it ar?

Me: 14th March.

Dad: What day is it?

Me: Sunday.

Dad: Oh ok.. huh.. Sunday ar?

Me: Ya.

Dad: Er... what time ar?

Me: 11 o'clock in the morning. So we have to leave earlier.

Dad: Har... 11 o'clock ah? ok, nevermind, nevermind.. I arrange I arrange.

Me: Why, you need to play golf is it?

Dad: No, no.. I arrange I arrange. You remind me ah..

Me: Ok.

And that was where our extra ticket went, with Love. Ahh... the love of a grandpa...

He remembered alright.. the whole thing was just sweet... :)

Kung2 with Thea walking towards the stadium

We were early, so Kung2 and Thea and driver-of-the-day a.k.a. Mommi had a cuppa before the show.

Thea was really excited. But the moment she witnessed the amount of people in the stadium itself, she pulled my hand and declared that she wanted to go home. She didn't like the crowd or the noise. Seriously, what was she thinking?!? Mickey & Minnie giving her a private show?!?! Duh!!

Kung2 was really patient and nice. He kept talking to Thea, and wanted to buy anything for his granddaughter from the stalls. It was really a sweet sight. :)

Kung2 & Thea before the show. Ya, she was still in the 'I wanna go home' mood. Lols!

As soon as the show began, I tell you... tears nearly rolled down my cheeks. I was so touched by the talented dancers (and mind you, it was only the first dance!!) and couldn't help but wonder if I could have been one of them if my parents had allowed me to pursue performing arts instead of the secured-recession-proof accounting or finance degree. I reminded myself at that moment to always support my daughter in her interests, no matter what they are.

Very soon, Thea began to warm up to the show by herself! She started to swing her legs to the music and clapped her hands to applaud. It felt good to see her stress easing off and that she was finally enjoying the show!

Joining us were JerLin and her family. We didn't manage to speak to each other much because we were both attracted to the show and to the reactions of our kids. I am sure she enjoyed herself as much as I did, just knowing that our kids were having fun at that very moment. :)

Thea, Mommi & Kung2 during the intermission.

I took this picture myself. Shiok Sendiri.. ;p

Aunty JerLin & Thea after the show.

Needless to say, dad, Thea, and I had a great time. We proceeded to a shopping mall for lunch followed by some shopping. Dad wanted to buy some shoes, and ended up paying for an extra pair of shoes (for Thea) when Thea said she liked this pink little pony sandals! Sighs.. my daughter is sure to be spoilt by her grandparents! In the midst of shopping, my aunt Amy (dad's sister) called. She asked me, "what are you doing?" and I said, "oh, nothing much, shopping with dad.. " She laughed and teased, "wah.. so good girl arr..spending time with daddy" I returned the laugh and said, "hahaha.. no la... he is the good boy! he is spending time with Thea and me!" Lols! Of course, it was a joke! I am only too glad for this time spent with my dad. It is hard to get him away for anything except work and golf. I am glad at at least for the first half of that day, it was quality time between just dad, Thea and I.

I asked dad if he would be interested in future shows like these. "Ya! of course! Next time, just buy my ticket and let me know what day la!" he replied with surety. It's pleasant. :)

I look forward to more father-daughter-granddaughter outings. :) Thank you, Disney on Ice! *winks*

Note: When I told mom the next day that dad went with us to the Disney on Ice, she reminded me that dad used to bring us (when my brothers and I were kids) to these kind of shows too. Unfortunately, I have no memory of it :(. And now, it makes me wonder what would have been in dad's mind, having 're-experience' the Disney on Ice once again, only now with his daughter and his granddaughter...

Once again, The Moon cooks...

2010-03-17T23:29:00.000+08:00

Cooked 'lap mei farn' today (again), by popular demand!! Just kidding!! lols! Angel said she never tried it before so I promised that I'd cook for her one of these days, and the one of these days (after much postponed dates since CNY) was the day! Included BB into the portion too. ;p

Took a drive to C&C and arrived at about 6:50pm. Angel arrived shortly and BB arrived a little later. Shortly after BB swallowed, he said 'Thank you' and Angel, laughing at her forgetfulness to thank me, thanked me too. :) I was surprised, because I hadn't expect a 'Thank you' from them. So that gesture was delicious to me! I was just contented and joyful seeing them eat what I had to offer.

I had only meant to stay shortly after I've dropped dinner. However I ended up leaving the centre after 8pm due to the addictive chats with BB and Angel just when the Fun Book Club session was about to start. I was missing today's session because I wanted to stay home tonight. You see, I promised Thea that I'd read her 12 bedtime stories. Unfortunately, when I got home she was already asleep.

And another reason I wanted to come home was because I cooked dinner for the family too :). No, they didn't have the same 'lap mei farn'. I baked pasta. Yummilicious cheesy pasta... I wanted to try my virgin baked pasta.. lols.

Ooooooo.. check out the melted cheese... yummy...

What inspired me to cook? Ok, the 'lap mei farn' was a planned thing. The pasta was impromptu ~ a decision made this morning when hubby informed that he was on standby (meaning, he might not need to work today. yay!!). Dunno why, I guess I must be joyful because hubby was going to be home tonight! ;)

And yes, it was indeed yummy... hubby loved it and had 2 servings. I am totally 'taken-in' by my new found talent!! lols. Wait, let me rephrase that. I must say that I played no part in it because I surrendered the whole cooking process to Spirit. Mostly based on intuition, and some parts (technical parts like where to mix the pasta, minced meat and sauce) were advised by the guardian angel (also Spirit in disguise).

Tomorrow, I am heading to the gym to shed off the calories consumed today. ;pppppppppp