I woke up early this morning. I can't remember if I slept well, but I know I had weird dreams. I wanted to go to the gym but when I checked out the scheduled classes and found nothing interesting, I decided to just bring my book to SP to read.
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While waiting for my breakfast, I made 2 phonecalls to 2 different friends. After that I called another friend related to one of the friends I made a phonecall to earlier. Despite having time to alter my loose short pants at the tailor in SP, I still had time to talk to him; though I had to cut short the conversation because I had to pick Thea from class.
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After I got back, Thea pissed me off entirely until I actually lost my cool for the very very first time. I am ashamed to admit this, but I actually shouted at her and told her off for the very first time. I was feeling so angry, agitated and irritated! After that, I chatted with Gladys for a while and decided to have a drink with her at Pyramid. Somehow spending time with Gladys cooled me down. I was with Gladys from 3:15pm to about 6:30pm. It was great time spent with her. We talked about a lot of things, mainly about "Casper"s though.. hahaha.. and oh yes, I do need to mention this... in the midst of our spending time together, hubby called to say that he was on the way back. When I put down the phone, I was aware of my intentions of wanting to go home to my hubby; not to see him, but to pick a fight with him! It's like all the feelings of anger and irritation came back! Fortunately for him and also myself, I just noted that intention and continued my good time with Gladys.
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During my journey home, I text hubby, if he was angry with me because it was very strange to me that I could have felt feelings like these out of a sudden. He didn't reply me. When I got home, I realised the reason why he didn't reply me was because he was on the phone. Surprisingly, I was not angry. I went to him, gave him a peck and told him that I was moody. After he put down the phone, we had dinner and talked. It was then that I realised that I had not been honest to myself or him about how I felt about a conversation he had with his colleague. Clearly, I was aware that I had a wrong interpretation of what he meant, which formed my suffering. I won't go into details; since it is such a mixed up day; but basically, it was my issue of wanting to put everything on my shoulders, wanting to be the hero for hubby. Actually, it is quite something to share, but I think I am too tired and drained to share now.. perhaps, some day... :)
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After dinner, another friend called and enquired about meditation. The reason why I don't wish to mention names is because... well, it is their privacy. I had a really long chat with this friend.. and I got to share many of my experiences and knowledge with her. Although I do ponder about her unwillingness to reveal the true wisdom that she already has within her, I am truly touched by her willingness to now turn the radar inwards to see the truth. At least, I know that I could be some sort of support to her; my friend. :)
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I took a shower after the conversation and decided to blog. Victor was online, so we chatted while I blogged. And then Thea came AGAIN to irritate me. I felt angry again. I sent her off harshly, which I don't normally do and I wish to stress that I am not proud of myself doing that. So I honestly told Victor about it. Now, Victor is an energy healer. Through MSN, he taught me how to deal with it and asked AAR for help. It was wonderful. The anger and irritation was released. And now, it is my job to ponder upon what caused all that. He suggested that it could be some hidden suppressed anger (which was why I was feeling angry the whole day long!) and that Thea was reminding me of it. He explained, that Thea is actually a reminder of my inner child little Gerry before. This, I really need to look into...
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So it's nearly the end of the day for me now. I need to put Thea to sleep and recharge myself for an exciting day tomorrow.
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Good night and sweet dreams! :D
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