Condition Upon Unconditional = Conditional, too.

When I am pissed off with someone because he/she loves with conditions, I realise that by my imposing my unconditional love on another, I too, had placed a condition upon him/her.

~G~

Legion

Just got back from Legion. Didn't really enjoy it. Judgments, judgments.. haha! My reflections were all laughing at the movie - so ironic, I asked hubby, "what if half way through the movie I actually start laughing?"; he replied, "laugh la!!"

Of course, I initially forgot to laugh - but when the others, i.e. my reflections laughed, I laughed along too! So comical!

If you are going to watch the movie, seriously, don't believe me. I believe it to be a load of crap. :-s But if you like action-packed, it can be pretty cool with blood everywhere and people dying (see? I told you.. crappy movie!).

The reason why I watched it? Hubby has this idea that since this movie had something to do with angels, it must have some sort of spiritual value in it. Hmm.. spiritual value my arse...lols! He came out of the movie laughing too... ;p

Finally ARRIVED!!!

I am so joyful!! Shortly after arriving home, the door bell rang and it was a van of TNT's!!

My books have finally arrived!!

I ask for the Holy Spirit to guide me and be with me as I study the Course. May the daily practises of the Course brings me to a Higher Learning and Higher Truth of where I had been, am now and to be ~ simply, the dreamer of this 'reality'.

Namaste.

Conditional Love

The closest someone could ever experience Unconditional Love, in my perception, is Mother's Love.

They say that Mother's Love is Unconditional. I say that it is conditional - for it is because you are my child, that I love you - and that is conditional. This, I realised 1.5 years ago from the wise sharing of Angel. :)

I remember a monk once told me when I visited the Chetawan Temple - the Buddha said, 'A woman will only know what is true love, when she has her own child'. Of course, I am not sure if these are exact words. I can't even remember if these were the exact words I heard - but it was what the mind understood it to be.

Today, I dropped by someone dear's house. Let's call this person 'F'. When I drove passed his house, I noticed that his car was in hence the decision to dropped by to just to say hi. We chatted casually for a while (most of time he and Thea) and I casually asked a question about his girlfriend which little did I know, would result in my writing this entry. He revealed that he was trying to get away from his girlfriend because she can't cook, she doesn't work, enjoys life too much and blah blah blah... in short, she is not a hardworker, like him. And the word struck me - conditional. She has to be this and that, in order for him to fully accept her into his life. Just to brief, they were on some cooling off period recently because F had lots in his mind - which he admitted had nothing to do with her. Because he couldn't handle himself, he shut her out, showing anger towards her whenever she called. She could not understand why, so she respected his request to be left alone and prayed for him, wishing him well. And then one day, she called me and shared with me that he finally met up with her and that they were fine. So I thought things must be going well for him.

Today is approximately about a week from the time she called, and now he is reacting differently? I don't get it. But of course, I also understand that whatever that I am interpreting may not be what it actually is. For all I know, nothing is going on and he is just talking c*@k. 

But it hurt when he said this, "if you know how to put me as important, then I will know how to make you important." or something like that... so... it is back to 'What's in it for me?'

It hurts because it was reflecting what I still had not resolved within myself - conditional love - always, always linked to a sense of belonging and approval.

Why do we, so often, behave a certain way, say certain things or whatever - unable to fully be our own authentic self - so to be loved and accepted by another? Why do we, so often, expect people to behave in a certain way, do or say certain things, so that we could accept and love them? Who are we then accepting and loving? It is truly that person, for who he or she truly is? Or is it our ideas of that person, of who he or she should be? We say this, "at the very least she/he/you can be.../ could be.../ should be..."; and the Master says, "isn't that also, a condition?"

Can we truly love unconditionally? I see possibilities when we release our baggages/ideas that creates an illusion of someone or something out there, together with an open heart. :)  I am fortunate to have experience glimpses of unconditional love and here I mean strangers and things all around - the waiter who is making coffee behind the counter, the man who sweeps by the roadside, the switch plug (is this what it's call?) on the wall, the fan spinning from the ceiling... all whom and what I do not know. I was loving them without meaning.. they were all just beautiful!! And it was a splendid, splendid feeling...  :)

Will I, or will I not? I trust... :)

Namaste.

Over the Weekend

Saturday 23/1/2010

Planned a documentary-time with Jui Wan, Joon Howe, Shawn & Eva. I knew that they once watched 'The Secret' together, so thought they might be interested to watch 'The Secret Behind 'The Secret''.

We met at Eva's parents place at about 3:45pm. Waited a while for Jui Wan & Joon Howe to arrive while hubby and Shawn were enjoying the atmosphere of Eva's parents' AV room. They have this giant-ass sized speakers which totally awed hubby and I! I was so amazed by it that I got Shawn to stand beside the speakers just to prove that the speakers were H-U-G-E!!

Shawn & the taller-than him & fatter-than-him speaker.

Chillin' while waiting for JW & JH to arrive.

The guys watching badminton during the wait...

Shortly after I snapped these pictures, JW & JH finally arrived. We wasted no time!! We quickly turned on the documentary!!

Ok, I will leave the details of the documentary-OUT!

Nobody discussed much about the contents of the documentary after it was over, so I wasn't sure what was going on in their minds. But it did seem like everyone was already looking forward to head to HaiSiang for Adrian & Elly's chicken rice!! So off we went... lols!

We were all very hungry by the time we got there. In total, all of us finished 8 portions of chicken rice and 2 portions of Elly's famous mee suah. That's a lot to eat for only 6 pax!! Lols! And, HaiSiang's portion is not small-ok!! They are generous!! But the guys enjoyed the food. They slurped them all empty! Lols! So satisfying to witness how they enjoyed themselves! :)

We took a little break off eating.. and lo and behold... A sURprIsE bIrTHdaY cAke for hubby!!

Hubby lighting up his own candles on the surprise birthday cake. I am such a terrible wife.. lols!

Nope, he knew nothing about it!! I got Elly to help me get the cake to surprise him! And nope, it's not yet his birthday (it's in about a week's time). It's just that since we were in the company of wonderful friends, it was an good opportunity to do a surprise for him since his birthday is around the corner!! lols!

I couldn't resist this picture. I think she just looks so happy and beautiful!! :D

Great friends (L to R) - Shawn, Eva, JH, JW, me & hubby

And that was how we spent Saturday night.

Sunday 24/1/2010

Woke up at 10am. Ate Maggi-Mee. Did some insurance and committee stuffs. Watched a movie. Took a walk with Thea to distribute car stickers to neighbours. Showered. Ate dinner. Went to Maxvalue to find salad. Hopped into the bookstore next door to buy magazines. Home. Sleep. ;p

Have a great week ahead everyone!!! :D

There's No One Looking, Let's just pLAY!!!

I had wondered before... in fact, I have kinda experienced before. I say this in a doubtful manner because I am not sure. But upon reading and reflecting one of BB's blog entries titled All experiences is of me, not for me or to me, I suddenly got a deeper glimpse of what it means by there is really, really no one out there.

You see, I had always wondered.. what if everything that happens in the world is relevant to me. Not relevant to me in the sense that I'd need to do somthing about it, but just for me to observe and enjoy the experience. It can be the earthquake in Haiti, the beggar in pasar malam, a friend writing a rude and hurting email to me, a neighbour fighting for his voice to be heard, my wise teachers who are constantly guiding and supporting my journey and etc... I remember when I was in the midst of an e-conversation with a friend which she became quite heated up (in my perception), and then I wrote the words, 'I'm sorry, please forgive me, I love you.' (a.k.a. the Hoponopono, I think). At that point in time, the direction of these words was to her, and to me. She must have thought that I did or say something wrong to her (in my perception) that she wrote back, 'these words are for you'. Since I was already aware that it was for the both of us, I replied, 'does it matter?'. And today, I had a realisation - that when I say these words - if I was directing it to another as in like, Gerry (me) to AAA (you, him, her or you-get-what-I-mean), then it is the ego saying sorry to another ego. But, if there is understanding that the other person is just a symbol when Hoponopono intention is being carried out, I am consciously bringing the symbol back to me to be surrendered - so, ultimately, it's for me! Geez, I am not even sure if I am wording this our right.. I agree totally with what BB shares in his entry of If a Picture Paints a Thousand Words.

I understand that the world is my reflection, because whatever meaning that I put into someone or something out there are simply my own ideas of interpretation and hence, would only show me what I think they are doing to or for me; again through my own ideas.  Whatever happens in reality, may not even be the case at all! What others think or do is irrelevant to me; it is what I think and feel about my reflections (i.e. the outside of me coming back to the inside of me) which are more important - because it despicts my intentions and ideas at that point in time! Waitaminute... is there still someone out there?? lols! In a very simplified explaination, everything and everyone out there is a symbol of an idea being projected from the mind. Isn't this incredible?!?

The world is like a playground. I was watching the 'The Biggest Loser' yesterday on Astro and the blue team were discussing who should be voted out amongst them. So most of them (I think) suggested to vote out this Asian-American woman because she loss the least weight amongst the others. She was holding back her tears as one of the team members asked her what she thought of it. She bravely said, "It's just a game."

It is true. And everyone knows that - The Biggest Loser reality show is JUST-A-GAME!! We, as observers enjoy the show like entertainment; while the participants in there take the game very very seriously - until to the point that they'd feel the pain, the joy, the embarassment - even though they know, it's just a BLOODY GAME!!! And how different is that game from life? And here I mean, our attitude. Can we get not-so-personal and uptight about life and just joyfully do our best? Why do we cry? Do we cry joyfully because it was such a good game played? Or guilt that we had not tried our hardest?

Diligent Presidency

You wouldn't believe what I am taking a break from!! Reading the old files of our Resident Association! Lots and lots of paper!! Dusty too! And it is giving me a wee bit of a sinus reaction.. ergh!

Something came to me this evening to start calculating the annual security fees vs the annual collection from the participating/contributing residents. It is either I am really bad at calculations, or no one has really double-calculated the figures that the final equation (according to my calculations) came up with surpluses. I quickly called Terence and Keem (I wanted to call Kevin too but I am guessing that he must be pretty busy now - his wife just delivered so he must be busy being an old daddy, a new daddy and a grateful hubby! hah! ;p) to share my discovery! Not much was discussed though. So after I put Thea to bed, I was determined to find out how the previous ratio between the type-A, type-B and type-C houses (which the unhappy neighbour strongly suggested we re-adapt) were derived.

At the moment, I still can't find it... and I am already sneezing away due to the dust. I remember my eye doctor told me once that I ought to stay in space where it's free from dust! lols!

Flipping through the history of the formation and selfless contributions by the previous committees, I discovered how my perception on a dutiful Residents Committee deferred from theirs. Of course, security feature was a commoner, but the other additional stuffs that they do for the neighbourhood and community are amazing!! From communications with the developer, constant liaison with the Majlis Bandaraya, street parties, gotong royong, Merdeka get-togethers and etc. Impressive!! Though I will admit that besides the gotong royong bit (which I may only resort to picking dry leaves - I don't even clean my own house for Pete's sake!!), I hardly think I'd join in the fun; so that probably explains why it never really crossed my mind to be hosting or organising such events for the community! In my perception, the main and only concern was security of the neighbourhood. If we make a conscious effort to get in touch with our neighbours anyway, we don't really need parties like these to do so. Of course, having said that, it is always nice to have a gathering. I'd have to admit that the reason I know a lot more wonderful neighbours now in my neighbourhood is because of my previous post as the Street Rep and my current position as the President!! Still...

Obviously, there is comparison. Don't know why though, I observed within myself that there seems to be no dire need for an action-oriented competition or copy-cat attitude. Possibilities of ideas churn in, but the inspiration is lacking. Poor neighbours! Deprived of parties because of a lazy president.. lols!

Just to share, when I was about to sleep last night (or rather this morning), I received a call at 1:10am from the security guard explaining that his friend (which was the other guard on duty) was bitten by my new neighbour's dog. Without further delay, I made a call to the owner of the dog, dressed up and subsequently proceeded to check on the security guard.

Ah... no biggie at all - just a little swell.

The owner apologetically took him to a 24-hour clinic for a jab. This morning, the owner and I had a short, sweet chat. She later texted me words of acknowledgement after we put down the phone! Ask me if I live for moments like these being President of the Residents Association? Nah... I am happy to be able to do my part. Actually come to think about it, all I did was pick up the call from the security guard, make another call to her, changed, walked out of the house to make sure that the guard is taken care of, and then went back to bed. So technically, I didn't do anything!! Lols!! But I know what she meant, and I appreciate her acknowledgement :). Best part - came evening, I received a cheque from her as her contribution for the security fees. No, no.. she didn't contribute because of what happened last night... I am just happy with the speedy collection! :D

Ok lah.. time to go back to 'work'! Sweet dreams all!

To satisfy one and sacrifice all; or to satisfy all and sacrifice one.

Remember my unhappy neighbour?

Today I had another meeting with the committee members and we discussed alot about this issue. Most just kept quiet and observed while Terence and I debated (healthily and diplomatically, of course!). His opinion was that 'if we were to please one, we'd sacrifice the others'. My view point was, 'let's look at his point of view to see if we could do anything to address this issue'.

But a huge burden was released off all our shoulders when we suddenly remembered that it is not within our power or jurisdiction to do anything; but for the residents to conclude in an Extraordinary General Meeting (EGM) or the upcoming Annual General Meeting (AGM). Thank God we've got Terence on board!! He's a lawyer. :)

My unhappy neighbour (type-A owner) stressed on fairness, and coming from his point of view, I do see his stand; on the committee's and other residents' view point (from type-B and type-C), it seemed that the way to go about it was through a majority's vote. Hubby shared his views with me that the decision to be imposed by the committee must be of unanimous. Terence explained that it was impossible. Now, I begin to understand why it is hard to run a country. No persons would ever be satisfied or pleased! Someone from somewhere would surely oppose to something because of different ideas!!!

Look at our country for instance. Most are unhappy that the Malays (who are majority) get most benefits and there is no equality. If I am not mistaken, there is some kind of ratio for entrance to a public uni, governemnt work place and even scholarships. Honestly, I am ignorant to all these (information came from friends' sharings) because I don't see how I am affected by all these at all. I say this whatever that they receive is their entitlement and likewise. We could sit around and whine about it, or appreciate that we have the opportunity to experience our own adventure! While I admit to some experience of being outcast when I was working in a malay-dominated company, but it was not because I was Chinese - but of some other reasons! So I had never really experience racism, being a minority or any of those sorts. I guess I never felt short of what I was being told that I am being deprived of. I am curious how some people think that they are the minorities and hence have to fight for their voices to be heard; and I am equally shocked by how some people think that as long as the majorities are fulfilled, some small sacrifices will have to be made.

Can there be no other way?

Gosh, I sound like I am contradicting myself. First I am not affected, but then I am questioning! :-S

Perhaps I come from a mentality of acceptance. I am not at war per se about this majority-minority stuffs really. I am more concern of what comes through for me through individuals affected by it. Do I feel injustice? No. Do I feel like you-deserve-it? No. But I do get to get some sort of understanding from where they come from - especially the minority. Could it be some sort of being-victimised mentality? And when we turn the tables aroung, could it be some sort of superior-mentality?

All of us at the committee are just volunteers. It is true that it is an avenue for me as an individual to grow. And during the discussion, I came to realise that all of us at the committee are somehow just facilitators and executors. Facilitators in the sense that we organise and probe probable options to be voted for/against for decisions to be made, and then to be executed - by us. So we don't really play any part in being victim ourselves or victimising anyone. Whether the decision is unanimous or based on majority votes, we are not there to judge or to even conclude that. But as facilitators, we do have to step in to mediate at some point, to allow both parties to see things from each other's points of views - that is, if they are open to it.

I salute those that have voluntarily taken up this position to serve their very own community without any fringe benefits whatsoever (including myself). When I ask myself "what's in it for me?", I answer myself "nothing much la.. just contributing my best to the community, especially with the wonderful support of the committee and community." I've received pretty wonderful response and comments so far (not about me but directed towards the committee as a whole) and we feel appreciated. And then I asked myself again "what if we were not appreciated?", the answer says "it's ok, because we are not doing it to be appreciated. we are doing it because we want to. it's just simply a way for us to serve our neighbourhood, our community, our children and ourselves!".

I told the committee the other day that we ought to take this up for at least two years, if we are chosen again to be part of the team. Sincere members agreed; and all of them are sincere.

Love. :)

The Musical Pleasant Morning

While on my way home from dropping Thea off at school, I was wondering to myself if I should head off to clean my altar (planned in the diary) and finish sorting out the paper and recycling bags (I was doing that earlier in the morning prior heading out), OR to call Pauline or Felicia for breakfast.

Since I couldn't decide, I waited for an inspiration... and hmm... It led me back home; i.e. to stick to my original plans of cleaning my altar and to finish sorting the paper and recycling bags.

I dropped by a stall to buy nasi-lemak for guardian angel and myself for lunch. She has been hinting that she wanted nasi lemak for lunch. Today, she gets what she wants! :)

When I got home, I did something that I had not done in years (actually I don't even do it often then)! I turned on Astro and flipped to channel 850 - the channel for radio stations. I selected the Oldies channel and let the music fill the house while I proceeded to sort out the bags. It was SO FUN!! Sorting bags with music at the background!! After that task was done, I came to my laptop to take-a-break (as if sorting out bags needed a lot of effort! tsk! tsk! tsk! lols!) and read Mun's, BB's, Gladys' and Alina's entries on their blogs; emailed, replied and forwarded some emails; all accompanied by music.. nice!! lols! After I was done with the entries, I filled up a mini bucket, took a piece of cloth and a toothbrush and headed to clean my altar... also with the music. I was smiling all the time! Decided to put the Angel figurine (previously on my altar) in Thea's room now so that the Angel could watch over Thea. :)

It's really pleasant and musical!! Now there's jazz at the background while I type and edit this entry.. I just love jazz.. don't know why.. lols! Nearly forgot how sweet music can be.. sighs... so beautifully arranged tunes... :)

Well, it's time to go out now. Got a few errands to run and then it's off to pick up Thea..

Pleasantness everyone! :D

Secret 'Surprise' Delayed

Today the appreciation for credit services arrived. I have a habit scrutinizing the statement just to telly with what we had appreciated. And this month's statement was a shocking experience to me. Perhaps it had been a while since I had witness such BIG numbers on the statement, but it rocked me to my core! :-o

You see, the secret was, a 'surprise' (now already known to me thanks to my non-stop irritating tactics *grins*) was scheduled to be at the end of the month - for Valentine's. However, when I went through the statement today remembering that CNY is around the corner too, I felt a need to sound out a request to delay the 'surprise'; and I did. Hubby did not object, but during dinner he told me that he felt depressed too that he couldn't get the 'surprise' going for me due to a mentality of lack, and here, I speak for the both of us... sighs...

Actually, to come back to the Now, we are perfectly alright. We are content, more true to say. But when we start thinking of the future (which technically doesn't even exist at all), we start frowning a little... No, we are not in a 'bad' situation so per se, just that we have this tiny mad idea that we must be buffered every time.. and once that line is threatened to be crossed over, we pull our hand brakes STRAIGHT-AWAY!! Lols.

To fully come back to the present, I start to smile. Perhaps, he would start to smile too if he came back (I'll remember to tell him after this). We needn't plan anything anyway because we have always been taken care of, fully supported as we remember who we truly are. We don't live by the way, we are being lived! Joyfully!! It is only the egoistic self that thinks that we were ever in control!! How ironic, to experience of 'By doing, I am not doing... and by non doing, I am being done!'.

I share with everyone here (I can't remember if I had ever shared this before in my blog) an abundance affirmation which had supported many, including hubby and myself. Whenever you have a mentality of lack, I invite you to chant this. If you are in desperate need, I have been told to chant it 108 times. Here goes: -

I am thankful, for abundance of wealth is flowing into my life.

I am thankful for the comfort, freedom and joy in spending and enjoying money.

I am thankful for money is flowing freely in my life, trusting in whatever ways it comes to me.

Thank you for the abundance of wealth and the freedom and joy to spend and enjoy money easily.

THANK YOU FOR BLESSING MY LIFE WITH LOVE, JOY AND ABUNDANCE.

This chant was shared with me by the my teacher, Hari of Irah and the loving angels (Navitha & Kavitha) of LoveHeals. :)

Hmm.. strangely, after typing this chant, I suddenly remember that I received a cheque of a pretty significant amount (at least to me!) this morning... ah... what abundance! I am thankful for the reminder to appreciate what is already here for me... Namaste. :)

1st Day on the Job (for the year!) & Jealousy

Today was the first free movie of the year for Clove&Clive. I was on duty hence the subject heading for this entry ;). We had a whooping number who attended the session! It is always encouraging to receive such response. I especially invited Boon Ling to share her view on the movie, The Shift, today.

This movie shares about each individual's Shift in life. We all go through many shifts in life, but usually just one major Shift. And that was the kind of Shift that we were talking about. Wayne Dyer, in the movie, shared that there is the morning shift, when we were born and taught in life of what we can do and what we cannot do - all of which belongs to the category of limiting ideas. It is like, living our lives according to other people's (parents, teachers, friends, society and etc) dreams or ideas. And then comes the Shift, where we listen and answer to our inner calling and start being our true, authentic self. We shed off ideas which were again and again reinforced in the earlier parts of our lives and start rediscovering our true authentic qualities. This is called the afternoon shift.

The attendees shared their various points of views, which were all valuable. It was indeed one of those sessions where interaction was actively present. In some of the previous sessions I had conducted, there were only one or two active people who shared their opinions, but today was just great!

After we closed up, hubby and I went to 1U for dinner. Although we see each other every day but we hardly had time to really connect with each other, so we decided to make this evening our 'Pak-Tor' (dating) day. We went for dinner at Shogun and walked abouts 1U. We were laughing and talking so much! Plus, I was also teasing and irritating him about how he wouldn't let me buy the Nikon D90! Lols. At one point when he could not stand it anymore, he revealed a little secret to me... Yeah, a little secret... so keep guessing la! hah!

I truly had a lot of fun today. At Clove&Clive and 1U -- surrounded by loving and beautiful presence. I am also grateful for the quick understanding that arose within me when I felt jealous over an insane idea I had earlier in the day. Ah.. jealousy... "When I am jealous of someone or something, it is only because I am seeing a seeming lack in myself, not fully appreciating and accepting myself in the Now, already yearning for an impossible future which will never come. What I must now do is to remember and consciously bring myself back into the Now, and realise that whatever that I thought I lacked had never left me. It has never been mind to begin with. Such, is the power of Greed and and wrong ideas in the Mind." - this understanding liberated my feeling of jealousy and immediately the sense of peace set it. :) Coincidently, my teacher BB was also inspired to write something about jealousy. Click here for further insights on jealousy! :)

Tomorrow is the beginning of another week now. I hope everyone had a great weekend and wish everyone loving moments the coming week. Namaste! :)

Succeeding In Turbulent Times by Joey Yap

I was invited by Alina to attend an annual fengshui talk (yesterday) conducted by Joey Yap, 'Succeeding In Turbulent Times'. I was a pretty vivid fan of fengshui prior to my inward journey, thanks to Mom and also Master Ooi. :) I actually make it a point to attend Master Ooi's annual free fengshui talk prior CNY every year (except for the year where I could not let go of baby Thea then), but this year had to be exception because I agreed to Alina's invitation before Master Ooi's date was made known to me. Mom agreed that I went to Joey's and she went to Master Ooi's so that we could compare notes. Brilliant idea!! lols. Secretly, I just didn't want to ffk my appointment with Alina! *winks*

Joey is actually an old friend, but we were not close as I recalled. We were swimmers during our younger days and he quit the swimming circle while the rest of us were still 'struggling' in the circle. He had always been one of the most talented, so he was already very well-known then. I figured that since it was so long time ago, he and his family may not remember me anyway, so even when I saw his parents few years ago during a similar talk conducted by Joey, I never approached them to say hi. My bad, my bad! And this year I was blessed with a pleasant surprise!! Kenny, Joey's younger brother who is also assisting his brother in his work, recognised me! I mean, seriously.. I think I just undermine myself too much! Lols! Come on, he is on my FB list, of course he would remember me right? Lols! Anyway, we had a brief chat and I made a mental note to catch up with Kenny soon. Kenny is in the same age group as my younger brother, Jon. In fact, during the swimming times, Kenny and Jon were the closest 'rivals' with each other. Not in a bad way.. I mean, in an event, there had to only be one winner right? So the gold medal was always between Kenny or Jon. And I believe that they were pretty good friends then too. :)

The basic information of the flying stars and blah blah blah would be the same as what was shared by Lilian Too, or Master Ooi. But the differentiation amongst them, IS their approach in application. Lilian Too (in my perception) believed in renovations and figurine symbols; Master Ooi (in my perception) believed in appreciation and symbolics; and Joey (in my perception) believed in activating the chi in auspicious directions. Joey's charms were in his wittiness, honesty and ok, a little sacarsism, and that is also relevant to my own perception; not others. I found his seminar funny, resourceful and informative - something which I believe I would have experienced in Master Ooi's talk as well. So in that context, I had not missed anything. :)

An additional bonus that I got for the day was a compassionate reading from Alina's mom during breaktime. Alina's mom had been practising feng shui herself and given countless loving advice to people around her with regards to feng shui - which I would say, is her forte. She read my Ba-Zi chart which Alina had helped me print and gave me some advice based on my chart. After she was done, Alina was grumbling on how her mom was always doing it for free for other people... lols. From what I've learnt from my mom, apparently, it is important for one to practice an exchange of energy or an appreciation token to a feng shui practitioner or even anyone who had shared their expertise in feng shui as a circle of give & receive. I guess that is one of the reason why mom doesn't do it full time. She is fully capable! But I guess she has her own reasons. And bless Alina's mom for walking this journey!

When I shared with hubby in the night about what I've learnt during the day, we also discussed how relevant fengshui is in our spiritual journey. I remember one of my great teacher once shared with me, "Fengshui is only necessary when you did not know any better; now that you know, why do you still need fengshui?". Hubby and I agreed on this statement. While I agree to some limiting beliefs in feng shui itself, I also find it fun to be switching things around, doing this and that to welcome the Tiger year. Seriously, at this juncture - CNY is just an occasion for us to officially be noisy (with the fire-crackers, lion dance & etc) and eat (yee sang, auspicious-named dishes, pineapple tarts)!! Sounds fun already, right?!? Lols!!

I am so blessed and grateful to be remembered by Alina for the invitation to such an astonishing talk! Thanks girl!! I enjoyed myself lots.. not to mention our talks about CARS!!! LOLS!!

First Yee Sang for the Year 2010

Yee Sang

Last Friday night, mom invited us for dinner. Because hubby was working, only Thea and I drove to her place to meet her. We subsequently hopped into Chow's car to head for their usual joint, Grand Dorsett Hotel @ Subang (previously known as Sheraton Subang).

Last Friday was dated 15th Jan, right? And since CNY is marked on the 14th Feb, that day was exactly a month away from CNY, also the 'launching' of Yee Sang in the Chinese Restaurant. Irresistably, we ordered a mini Yee Sang to mark our readiness in welcoming the year of the Tiger!

Yee Sang was the smallest!! lols! Grandma, Mom, Chow, Aunt Mandy and myself 'lou'ed (as in mix the stuffs on the plate altogether) the yee sang and started saying auspicious stuffs such as "Gong Hei Fatt Choy"; "Forever young and beautiful"; "Good health"; "Prosperity"; "Career advancement"; and now that Thea is schooling, I had to add "Improvement in studies"! Like real!!  Everybody laughed. Lols!

The rest of the dishes were common stuffs we normally ate anyway. It's not really officially CNY so there wasn't the feel to indulge in the abalone, sharksfin and all... I guess Chinese always have a tendency to add these kind of food to their menu during auspicious or celebrative dates. It was a good time we had with each other though. I talked alot (aiya... as usual lah!)! I was too excited in sharing news and updates about Thea's progress in school!! The small toilet bowls in school which she found scary, the food that she wasn't used to but is slowly getting familiar with, her friends in school, her teachers and etc... Aunt Mandy would listen with amazement and laughters; grandma would listen attentively and share some advise on how to manage the situation better (she has experience mah); mom would listen and then turn to Thea to make fun of Thea; and Chow would just listen and smile. It was nice and sweet. :)

It was an early night for us though. Thea was already showing signs of sleepiness half way through the dinner so we did not hang out any longer after dessert and left for home.

The really fun part about being with them is that they always laugh. Maybe it is mom's funniness and her seemingly broad knowlege on all things surfacing the earth; maybe it's grandma's constant complain about mom not eating enough, or praise of my cousins in Beijing; maybe it's Aunt Mandy's witty-ness, or trendiness; maybe it's Chow's quietness or just his mere presence... they are all each a good combination of a great time together! The night was only missing my funny Uncle Stewart. Promised to have breakfast with him next week! *winks*

And so... it now looks like time to prepare for the year of the Tiger!!

An Unhappy Neighbour

I just put down the phone with an unhappy neighbour bout half hour ago. He sounded really frustrated voicing out his concerns on the recent increase in our security fees contribution. The rates were all pre-agreed at the previous AGM, and the type-A owners who were present agreed to it (he is from type-A). Apparently, his wife who was also present disagreed, but no one heard her. Hmm.. I couldn't recall anyone objecting to the increase that night.. I guess I must have been in my own world.

He had his valid reasons and principles. Initially, when we heard of his dissatisfaction months ago, we could not understand why and the president then (who was a also type-A owner and now moving out of the neighbourhood) volunteered to speak to him. It sounded right. He was the president and he stays in a type-A too.. so same lingo should speak to the same lingo right? I'd be damned!! Not any form of communication was made with our unhappy neighbourhood. No wonder his tone of voice while we spoke on the phone!! So his unpleasantness remained unaddressed. Poor unhappy neighbour!

Just 2 days prior the new year, the streetrep responsible for my street resigned due to her personal commitments. Since there was only half year to go before the next term, I volunteered to take up the responsibilities as well (apart from being the President) since I was also a streetrep the term before. I figured that it was something that I could handle. And yes, it IS something that I could still handle. :)

Diligently, I text my friendly neighbours on my street to request for their contribution to the security fees fund. Response was pretty good. But I did not hear from our unhappy neighbour (he happens to be on my street too, you see), until today. He texted and asked for the name to be addressed in a cheque and presented that he would only contribute RMxx amount which was lesser than what was pre-agreed in our previous AGM. I replied via text if he could consider contributing the full amount instead. He replied explaining that he had written a letter to the Chairman to voice out his views and that he was standing by his principles. Hmm.. this was the an unhappy neighbour, it would be polite to call instead of smsing, I thought. 

The conversation was long. He was full of frustrations while trying to explain his rationale to his disagreement to the revised pro-rated contribution, trying to make me understand where he was coming from. I was mindful to listen to what he had to say and express, being mindful not to interrupt or defend what had been pre-agreed. He had his points. His views and ideas on fairness. A view that we (the previous & present committee) had not seen or considered. Coming from my understanding of his perspective, there was validity in what he said and felt. Thank goodness for my courage to make that call, I had learned another perspective into looking at this by putting myself in his shoes to see things. You see, the committee members previously and presently consists only of type-B & type-C owners and we did not have a voice from the type-As. To add to our ignorance and negligence, the type-A were the minority of the neighbourhood. He brought up politics as an analogy, which made me see how minorities are so conveniently forgotten.

With due respect to him, I apologised on behalf on our previous and present committee for our ignorance, neglicence and failing to see things from his view point. And I assured him that I would address this issue (since I am currently the President, right?).

I knew I was handling this right when the reflections came back like these...

When apology was expressed and his frustrations acknowledged

"I feel bad having to talk to you this way. I can feel it in my voice, but it is very frustrating not to be comforted when an issue is being brought up and not confronted."

When appreciation for his views were expressed and assurance was given that we will try our best

"Aiya, you are so nice until I also don't know how to go on talking about this."

When humility was expressed (I said that I was probably one of the youngest owner in the neighbourhood hence lacked the experience to serve this community up-to-mark)

"No, I don't see that you are young. I see that when you are in the committee, I see you as a potential leader. In fact, I already see you as a leader, that is why I am speaking to you about this."

When courage was shown and no parts of the conversation was taken as a defense or an attack

"I really appreciate you calling me and talking to me about this."

*The replies from my unhappy neighbour were not in exact words, but in what I could recall and perceive.*

Of course, after I hung up the phone, I knew that I had to write an email to the rest of the committees that this was something serious enough to address asap. Although the committee was solely set up for the purpose of coordinating the neighbourhood security, this was an unhappy neighbour who felt that he had been 'misunderstood', 'violated' and 'excluded' because he felt that he was not heard. We didn't want that.. oh no... As much as I am aware that we are unable to please everybody within the community, but we have to address the concerns of our unhappy neighbour because whatever points he brought up served as a lesson for us to improve ourselves not only as a committee but also as individuals.

I am grateful for my courage to pick up the phone to call my unhappy neighbour and I surely hope that he is feeling happier now after having expressed his view points. We've heard you, thank you so much for showing us another way to look at things. :)

I Don't Know You, You Don't Know Me.

Last night, hubby was really unhappy. He told me that he felt very disappointed with his student and he was practically picking on him for whatever things that he saw not right. What would have turned out to be a pleasant training flight, turned out to be an irritating flight for him.

When he came back and told me his student ought to have better prepared himself, rather than fumbling through the training, I asked him this: "Do you know him?"

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I asked him this question, as to allow us (that means including me) to reflect on the times where we think that someone outside should have or shouldn't have done or said something which automatically led to our judgments towards that someone outside.

I reminded him of times when he could not give his best (my own as well). The truth is, we are always into our own story and always believe that we are right.

I questioned the possibilities of the student's experience. Was the student going through a personal problem? Was the student putting too much pressure on himself? Was the student flying out of obligation?

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I pondered. And I realised that we never really know each other, until we honestly express ourselves. You see people walking on the streets everyday, or you bump into someone that you know. Even if you were to decide to hang out together, how well do you actually know each other? I think I know you, you think you know me.. only to realise at the end of the day, conflict has somehow arisen.

Out of the blue, I wrote this to BB yesterday which he had put in his blog,

"Only ideas meet ideas and compromise on the somewhat similar qualities or so they think; and bundle with each other thinking or convincing that it's the same idea to later result in conflict."

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If we could strip off our own identified ideas, or stories (stories come from ideas), perhaps we could lose the perspective of being judgmental. Is it possible? Well, I don't know. I have not tried it yet. All I know is that if we were to judge another, we were judging ourselves. And even if it was obvious that the judged qualities were the same, it couldn't possibly turn out to be accurate! Hence, our judgments are never valid! In that case, why judge? Oh ya.. it's not something done on purpose, it's just a thought that I hang on to and believe that it's real! hah!

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Honest and truthful expressions of our own needs may lead to a possibility of closeness between two people. Sometimes when we have a certain quality, we tend to impose it on another. We'd say, "if I can do it, why can't he/she?". Haven't we heard, each individual is different and unique. Even having said that, everyone's theshold is different.

If I am willing to be honest with you about my needs, then there is a possibility of you expressing your need to me. Together we fulfill each other's needs in unity. Of course, in truth, no one can actually satisfy our own needs except ourselves. But then again, there is also nothing wrong in expressing them. When we allow our needs to be understood, or when we understand another's needs, it is then possible for understanding and compassion to set in. When we express our needs, we also free our minds in a way. We let go and allow our minds to be open to possibilities.

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Anything or anyone out there is just a projection of the mind, but since we cannot understand what is it about us that is causing the projection, speaking to the 'effect' may give us some hints. Because the projection comes from us, there would be no way that we couldn't understand it. Only our ignorance and sense of separation would block me from seeing the truth. What is mine to own, I take responsibility. And the result of understanding, is natural forgiveness.

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Thank you for this inspired piece, hubby.. Love you dearly... *muaks*

Hiding Behind

Hari told me a lot of things that I had thought and doubted about; but didn't want to face. Thus, I was missing the mark on my own accord. It was not ignorance or lack of knowledge that had resulted in my not doing it (facing it); but my belittling of myself (which is also due to ignorance) that I had did it (face it). I didn't have courage to face it myself you see, afraid to see how ugly or imperfect or unpure I was. Of course, that could never be entirely true. These were all just ideas, and limiting beliefs. I failed to see that in those moments of ugliness, imperfections and impurity, I'd still be as beautiful, as perfect, as pure as I am. How else could I be - perfect in being imperfect? I failed to see that it was just an experience that I was going through, believing it so real that I am the mind, I am the body.. listening to each and every thought that comes by, falling into my own trap. I failed to love the experience... to see it for what it is, and nothing more.. I judged myself, and was so hard on myself, thriving to live up to another misconcept that I had created for myself. It was hurting to hear and to acknowledge.

For the really first time, my tears fell. They were uncontrollable despite my subtle wanting to control them. But they just flowed freely, as if being released. But were they sad tears? I don't know. They were a mixture. They were tears of release, they were tears of gratitude, they were tears of love. Even after the session with Hari, as I went up to the altar to pray, tears just kept wanting to flow. Even during my drive to pick Thea up from school.

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The main highlight was of course a past experience several weeks ago, where I had perceived that I had a misunderstanding with a very good friend, to be followed by nasty comments on one of my earlier blog entry. Of course, as I acknowledged the faulty idea that I had of 'best friends' (with relation to the good friend matter), I have to be very honest today that I judged her, and yes, I do feel anger towards her. And for that, I became (or maybe I've always been like that) afraid of being judged.. hence the nasty comments aftersuit. How wonderful the reflections, showing me what I fear most, manifesting on its own, by me - the Creator.

Coming back to the good-friend matter, I also know that the anger that I feel (although the mind seemingly point outwards towards her) was and still is only, my own anger. Entirely nothing to do with her at all. I am afraid to be embarassed, afraid to be weak, afraid to be vulnerable. Many a time, I speak as if I take fully responsibility. While I do, there are instances where I'd run away (and I don't mean physically), or hide them under the carpet for they are just too, too shameful and hurtful to face or deal with. So this was one of those instances, where I dare not face my own shame, my own hurt... and I tug them neatly under the carpet. I pretended that I was so 'spiritual', turning the radar inwards.. but I could not lie myself. I WAS DOGGONE PISSED!! And, I was so so unwillingly to see WHY I was pissed, or more rightfully to investigate why the faulty idea had caused me anger. I just wanted to remain pissed!! More correctly, remain 'right'!

On the outside, I try my best to be cool, to wait for her response, so that I could let go of this anger. Ah, what a trick!! How could whatever she does or doesn't do pissed me off except my own ideas of things? my own perception?? You see? You see? I know it!! but I am just so unwilling to investigate it!

I thank God now that we hadn't really 'made-up' in my mind. You see, everything is happening in the mind. To feel pain, is to deviate from what is. To deviate from what is, is not accepting reality. And you know what, that's pain. In order words too, I am not loving this moment. How cruel to treat myself that way!

And there are questions now that is popping up, "Can I accept myself being pissed with her? Can I accept myself being pissed with myself? Can I just accept what is there for me, at this moment and just BE in the moment, without judging myself?"

Yeah. Possible. Actually, that sounds like a way to Peace.

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And I want to remind myself to always be honest with how I feel. I want to remind myself to always be truthful to myself. Or else, who did I think I was writing these entries to, except for myself?

P/S: Thank Me for IRAH. Love. :)

Namaste.

A Trip to Janda Baik

Hubby : "eh, how to go there ar?"
Phua : "when you reach selesa hills junction, you will see a signboard which I made, turn right there."
Hubby : "wah.. you made a signboard ar? how big is your signboard?"
Phua : "A4 size."
Hubby : "har??? what the..."

And that was the conversation between hubby and our beloved friend cum contractor, Phua. :)

CH Phua & Stephanie

Today is one of the three wedding receptions which he held for his union with his long-time girlfriend, Stephanie. The wedding venue was in Janda Baik. All of us didn't know where it was, except that I have heard that name before (Clove&Clive conduct most of their retreats there). Bee, Prissy, hubby and I went in one car. It was about a half hour drive to the final toll as we searched for the so-called A4 size signboard which Phua had considerately put along the side of the road to lead his guests up to Tanah Rimba.

Yup, the signboard was really only A4 in size alright! It was sooooo tiny compared to the other bigger signboards which were already there for years, especially the original Tanah Rimba signboard which got all of us in the car laughing! His words at the signboard was: -

TANAHRIMBA

to Phua & Stephanie's Wedding

Lols! We could not even tell the wordings below TANAHRIMBA because it looked so small!! But it was a good laugh!! Bee joked that I should have brought my camera to take a picture of it. I agreed... but too bad (or actually good for him!!), I didn't bring my camera because I was anticipating the use of Phua's Nikon D90 to take pictures of his own event. Anyway, we agreed that we would take a picture of the signboard on the way down the hill but dropped that idea on our way down the hill after dinner as we somehow ended up coming out from the opposide side of the road, which had no signboard. Too much trouble to turn back to the other side of the road just to take a A4 size signboard picture! Lols!

We were all very happy and excited to have finally arrived at the Tanah Rimba. The atmosphere was very cozy and relaxed. Nobody was really dressed formally at all! He already warned us that dress code was to be casual. Understanding him, we knew that he just wants us to be comfortable in our own skin. :) He is always considerate when it comes to other people.

It was indeed the sweetest wedding. He was the most relaxed groom I've ever witnessed. There was no sense of formality and it was just easy and relaxed. The environment, laughters and excitement of the whole event was just splendid. Even the band was awesomely great! I loved them! I even got their namecard! He proudly told us that he engaged them for a very reasonable price. It was really abundance in a way. Food was catered from this restaurant based in Sekinchan. Honestly, I don't know what he was thinking getting a restaurant all the way from Sekinchan to travel all the way up to Janda Baik for his wedding event, but the restaurant agreed (obviously!!) and I guess it was all worth it. Food was delicious!!

I was very very busy having fun with Phua's Nikon D90. At first, I was very cautious about using the camera because I had never used a Nikon DSLR before and was not sure if I'd be used to it. I LOVED IT!!! I was snapping away! Stephanie was teasing me that I was like a pro.. lols! Wait till she sees the pictures!! Maybe she'd be shock that it might not be up to mark! Anyhow, I fell in love with Nikon. After taking a series of pictures here and there, I would go back to the table next to hubby to show off how *ahem* talented and creative I was.. lols! Of course he had to agree with me, right!?! Lols..

In moments when I would stop eating or snapping way, I'd silently observe the surrounding of where I was. I felt intense joy and love. The music was, like I said, splendid and sweet. Co-joining the melodies, I realised that the chattering, the laughters, the silence of a few all blended beautifully. The view was also... how do I put it... serene... It was such a sweet moment when my heart filled with appreciation with where I was and what was there for me at the moment. Appreciation of being present in this event, this place; appreciation for the delicious food to fill my tummy; appreciation for the beauty, the green scent that surrounds; appreciation for having sown such wonderful friendship with Phua.

Hubby and I knew Phua in September 2006, when we just newly purchased our current home. He was to be our contractor, not by choice but obligation to another friend who was his partner. Our initial impression of him was judgemental because he looked rugged and wore an earring in one of his ear. He also spoke like a gangster, as if ready to pick a fight or show a face if he disagreed with something. But as renovation work progressed and we hung out together more and more, time proved that our earlier perception of him was utterly incorrect. More like, he was so contrarary to what we initially thought he was! He was the sweetest, compassionate, helpful, kind, funny & responsible contractor, friend and person. He is always, always so ever-willing to help! Well, at least that is relevant to hubby and I and we are very grateful for his friendship with us. Today, he is also a close friend to both my brothers, and their friends; and a golfing buddy of hubby, my brothers, and their friends too. Together and through him, hubby has also been blessed with more wonderful friends into our lives.

Phua, we are grateful to have you as our trusted friend in our journey, and we want you tell you how very proud and appreciative we are that you are part of our lives and vice versa. Wishing you & Stephanie a lifetime of love, happiness, blessed moments and more beautiful friends to surround you too!!! :)

Love.

Free Movie: The Shift

Have you ever heard of Dr. Wayne Dyer (famous author of "Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life" & "The Power of Intentions")?

Well, here's the news!! He starred in a MOVIE!!!! Yes, he did!!! It is his first film and he plays himself! This movie revolves around few characters; a film director, a successful businessman and a housewife; their going in about lives and finding of purpose in life...

And guess what?!? Clove&Clive is screening this for this month's FREE movie to be held on the 17th January 2010 from 2:45pm - 5:00pm @ Clove&Clive! There will be a short sharing about the movie just to discuss about the various or similar perspectives of what we could derive from the movie. Yours truly (which means me) will be facilitating it, and Boon Ling (the GM of Clove&Clive) has been invited to share her point of view on this movie! I'd say it will be an interesting session!!

Would you like to come? Here's the link to find out more!! Bring your family, spouse, friends and yourself!!!

All About Books

THE FUN BOOK CLUB

Fun Book Club Title: Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather

Friday was the commencing of the 1st session of the 3rd Fun Book Club at Clove&Clive. This time the book to be shared, contemplated and discussed was "Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather." The book did not arrive in time so dear Angel had to scan approximately 12 pages onto the laptop and to be shared with everybody, the first few pages of the book via the projector.

We only managed to cover 3 pages. There were much some of us had to say and share. It was beautiful. Many views and opinions were exchanged and it was obvious how some views were the same, while some views differ. While the words presented were the same on screen, but the meanings breathed into each individual minds were somewhatly different, depending on each of our own journey of understanding.

The Fun Book Club will carry out for another 5 weeks (in total of 6 weeks) or more; depending if we could finish covering the contents of the book. The facilitator is of course, BB, our beloved teacher, who had evolved and progressed in his own journey after his return from the retreat in Burma. We were all grateful for his presence, his facilitation and his sharing.

Thank you for the wonderful creation of the book-in-subject, BB's facilitation, everyone's presence and sharing during the Fun Book Club session. :)

BOOK EXCHANGE EVENT

Yesterday was an annual event held by Clove&Clive at Clove&Clive where people who are invited to thie Event were asked to bring a book or a CD or any gift of inspiration to exchange them during the session. The turnout was good. Our faithful Angel arranged everything and it was a smooth flowing event. Lots of laughters. We even played a game for better understanding on how two people never ever met each other, that views on even one word/subject matter would vary depending on each and individual's meaning or past experiences. Could we look or view things in the another way? Possible. Could we see things from the other's point of view? Possible. But in my experience, it is only possible and relevant if I myself had gone through the same experiences or conditionings. That too, may not fully define or call into a full 100% agreement or match to what another may mean or view. It's all in me and I could never really know what is in another. Get it?

During the book exchange, I received this book titled, "If I really wanted to Make A Difference, I would..." It didn't had an author's name so my guess is that it is a collection of explainations where we could apply our own attitude to life.

Book I've received in lieu of an exchange : If I really wanted to Make A Difference, I would...

I've read a couple of pages. They would serve as lovely reminders in my day-to-day. It's beautiful...

Thank you for the presence of all beautiful beings during the Book Exchange Event. :)

BONUS!!

As we were all about to leave, Angel gave me a surprise. She handed me this book, and told me that it's for me. I could see the mind going through its databank of its myraids of details, trying to search for an occasion, a promise, or a date which synchronised with this gift. There was none! It was just a sweet bonus from my darling Angel. :)

Surprise Bonus from Angel: Love Without Conditions by Paul Ferrini

I love Paul Ferrini's books. In fact, there are so many of his books that I would like to read and absorb totally! But Alas, my book shelf is still filled with books that I have yet to touch, not to mention that I am still struggling to finish up the 3 books that is still sitting on my 'Currently Reading' list. I find that books with spiritual contents are lovely to read, and yet, is one that we can't rush through. Having said that, I do have this trusting that each time I pick up a book to continue its contents, I find myself understanding what the chapter presents even more especially so after one or few experiences altogether. It's like a sort of invinsible guidance, leading me to experience certain events, be affected by it, and then turn to the book for some sort of better understanding. I trust. :)

Thank you Angel, for this beautiful book. :)

Missing Home

I have deviated, and I feel shameful.
I am so encouraged and enticed, to say that I am shameful.
So who is truly shameful, is it me, or is it me?
Which of me; whom I think I am, or who I truly am; have I identified myself with?

I miss Home, and I want to go Home.
But to miss Home, I miss what is here.
But where is here, but the so-called dream.
A dream or a Reality, only relevant to me.

I thought I'd stay grounded, and then I realised I can't try.
It's either I am, or I am not.
And then I'd feel floaty, and question if my eyes are wearing out.
Wearing out or not; what about the moments when what sees are clear?

Am I lost or am I not?
Why haven't I got the phonecall?
Is it my own resistance, or is it really not time?
Did I really not surrendered, or did I only thought I did?

My mirage is my reality; yet this reality is only a mirage.
My sudden fear of non-growth - the biggest delusional, an obstacle.
As unreal as it is, how real I feel its presence.

How do I get out of here? So many fishes in the net.
All seems as attractive, as it marvels through other's growth.
Where am I now in this dream or reality?
I am not gone, neither am I here.

Housewife Day

Today I am a good homemaker *grins*. Fetched Thea to school, came back to sleep, had breakfast with hubby, fetch Thea from school, did some re-arranging of papers to appropriate files, fetch Thea to Da Vincci for trial class (she wants to learn painting), came home, open the door for the vet to vaccinate Doby, went back to Da Vincci to fetch Thea home, fed Thea milk & a banana, fetch Thea to another place for another trial class for painting (she wants to learn painting), came home, cooked dinner for Thea, and now, waiting for time to pass and then fetch Thea home from the trial class, shower her, feed her dinner, spend time with her, change pyjamas for her, feed her milk, help her brush teeth (she tends to suck on the toothpaste because it is banana flavour rather than brush her teeth) and then put her to bed.

Phew!

All because Bee requested for guardian angel's assistance to clean his new condo unit in KL. Think they'd be home only after dinner and I will be home with Thea alone until then. Hubby has gone to work. : |

Actually, it is not so bad. Quite productive also. I guess I asked for this experience to see how I could cope without guardian angel. She'd be going home come mid year and apparently also going through her wedding vows with her beloved. Word has it (actually, she told me upfront-la) that her beloved may only work in Malaysia for another year or so (her beloved works here in Malaysia too) and will be headed home for good to tend his dad's factory. We expect that she might not renew her contract with us after that. Alas, we'd have to let her go!!! Boo hoo hoo!!!

Hubby & I were talking about it this morning actually. Thinking about the future.. ah, how unproductive when all that happens will happen for us anyway. What is there to worry and plan? Told hubby that everything will lay out perfectly just for us. I trust that. Even if we were to decide not to hire another assistant around the house, I guess I will be fine.. I've always been, haven't I? *winks*

Ok, gotta go now.. time to pick up the little gem. :)

It's a GOODY DAY!!! :D

This morning, after I've dropped Thea at class, I had another word with her teacher. Why I say another word is because yesterday, I had a word with her about Thea'seating; and today, another word about her going to the toilet. I asked if there was anything I could do anything at home to make it easier for her to adapt the 'nature of the body functions' in school. The teacher was too kind, assured me that I was doing a great job already by sharing these information with her, and reminded me that consistency is the way to go with kids her age. I left the school smiling. :)

While I waited for her to finish her play time, I noticed that Thea's shirt was not tucked in properly from behind. Ah... a sign!! A sign that she went to the toilet!!!!! And sure enough, the assistant teacher confirmed my wishes!! To make it even sweeter, she ate!!! I was so elated that I decided to give her a treat. Actually, come to think about her, I bribed her with ice-cream last night. Lols. Told her that if she went to the toilet in school, and had her lunch in school tomorrow (which is today), I will buy her ice-cream tomorrow (which is today)! It worked!!

So off we headed to the gelato parlour in KK after school. She was happy, so was I. :) Both of us, a scoop each, laughing at each other indulging in each of our own ice-cream flavour.. lols. Cute sight!

Thank you GOD!!!! :D

Gone to Heaven

Just got back from dinner with Dad, my bros & their partners, hubby & Thea. Received news that Chalse (pronouced as "Chal see") has passed on today. Her sudden death has caused guilt in Dad. When Jon asked Dad what happened (he got the news the latest amongst us), Dad just replied, "I killed her..." It was sad to see how Dad put Chalse's passing onto himself.. :(

Apparently, the vet diagnoised that Chalse died of heat stroke. Dad thinks that it is because he put her collar too tight before he left home, attempting to prevent her from loosing herself from her collar because contractors were at his home for some repair works. Poor Chalse.

And dad also reminded that today is the 1st death anniversary of our Aunty Ling, his dear beloved 2nd sister. On top of that, he mentioned that his tyre punctured today too. He had a rough day. We all didn't know what to say, but all of us did feel a sudden lost and sadness that Chalse, Dad's best dog had left us. Dad said this though, "I think Aunty Ling came to take Chalse with her to protect her..." That was a nice thought.

Chalse had always been very protective of my Dad. I remember there was once, she fought off 2 german sherperd guard dogs from the corner house and walked back to Dad proudly when the 2 dogs were charging towards Dad. Dad was really proud of her. Chalse was also very weary of Thea because of Dad's affections towards Thea. Guess it's her way of showing Dad her jealousy. Sweet, huh?

Chalse had also blessed us with many litters of lovely puppies. Some we kept, some we gave away, some we sold. One of Chalse's babies is with us, which is our present pet dog at home, Doby. And another of Chalse's babies was bought by my next door neighbour. His name is Rocky.

Hubby thinks that it is unlikely that Chalse had left us by any reasons cited by Dad or the vet. He feels that it was time for Chalse to go (obviously by the reason that she had already left!) and that was why, Chalse left us just like that. Dad said that when he got home and found Chalse, Chalse looked like she was asleep. Perhaps Chalse was also missing Mia, Dad's maid for almost 7-8 years who had recently decided to go home to Indonesia permenantly. My heart goes out to Dad, whom I know will miss Chalse badly. I guess what is most sad is the sudden-ness of such departure, not even having a chance to say good-bye. How ironic, I was just reading a book titled 'An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love' which shared a similar true life story.

Fortunately for us, or more for Dad, he had kept one of Chalse's puppies from her latest litter. Her last litter was about 2-3 months ago. Rod (Chalse's loyal mate of whom Chalse was also loyal too) would miss her too. Dad had tried to mate Chalse with other rotties, but she refused, only saving herself for Rod. Even in animals, we witness such loyalty. They at times, reflect what us as human sometimes lack integrity to do.

I never knew Chalse very well. She had always been a quiet dog, only restless whenever Thea was around. I'd say that Chalse had played her role well in protecting and loving our family during her presence with us in this lifetime.

Thank you, Chalse... you will be remembered, always... Love be with you wherever you are... You did well. You have served us very, very well... We are proud of you, no matter what; and we'd love you endlessly.

The First Fall

Please bear with me. It's still about Thea... :{

Because of the availability of the sun-hat now, Thea was able to play in the uncovered area during lunch time after her meal. I placed it into her bag yesterday and reminded her this morning when I dropped her off at school that if she wanted to play in the sun, she had to wear the sun hat. She said, "ok!"

I arrived in school to pick her up at about 11.55am. I think I was the earliest parent. So I just looked around the play area, scanning for Thea... ah... there she was, having fun... climbing up and sliding down the slides, sitting on the see-saw and running around. She was so happy...

And then suddenly, I saw the principal carrying a little girl running from the playground to a bench in the covered area. The little girl's face was tucked into the principal's shoulders... oh dear, what happened to the little girl? She must have fallen down... ah, how quick the principal was.. to tend to a child who has fallen down... I thought. And then I noticed the little girl's shoes.. hmm, it's familiar.. and the pink shades of the socks sticking out... OMG!!! It was THEA!!!!!! I got worried almost instantly!! As much as I had wanted to run to her to be by her side, I knew I had to trust the principal. She had a good and careful look at Thea's legs, took tissue to wipe Thea's tears and nose, took another piece of tissue to dap on Thea's knees, gently smiling and talking to Thea. Obviously I couldn't hear what she was saying, but I saw Thea nodding her head. I was, in a way, relieved and much grateful. But that did not ease the tension of wanting to find out how hurt Thea was. She was asked to sit on the bench to rest. When the principal finally walked away to tend to other children, she sat alone. For a short while, she would stand up and attempt to walk away from the bench, as if still wanting to join the other kids but when she caught sight of the principal, she backed herself to the bench. It was a cute sight... lols.

The minute she saw me, she showed her sad puppy face. Awww.... I smiled at her and whispered, "I love you". She pouted some more. And the minute she got hold of me, she hugged me and cried... I pretended I didn't know what happened (she didn't see me all these while until school was over) and she refused to tell me! As if wanting to just cry her heart out over the fall. The assistant teachers told me what happened, but I already knew. :)

Accompanying this highlight of the day, I also found out that she did not go to the toilet in school and ate very little too. Sighs... well, at least she ate... and I tried to remind myself on times where I myself did not visit the toilet for hours when I was too busy doing whatever!! That still didn't ease off the worry bit.

Ah well, tomorrow is another day. Just hope it gets better, I admit, for my peace of mind...