Last night, hubby was really unhappy. He told me that he felt very disappointed with his student and he was practically picking on him for whatever things that he saw not right. What would have turned out to be a pleasant training flight, turned out to be an irritating flight for him.
When he came back and told me his student ought to have better prepared himself, rather than fumbling through the training, I asked him this: "Do you know him?"
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I asked him this question, as to allow us (that means including me) to reflect on the times where we think that someone outside should have or shouldn't have done or said something which automatically led to our judgments towards that someone outside.
I reminded him of times when he could not give his best (my own as well). The truth is, we are always into our own story and always believe that we are right.
I questioned the possibilities of the student's experience. Was the student going through a personal problem? Was the student putting too much pressure on himself? Was the student flying out of obligation?
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I pondered. And I realised that we never really know each other, until we honestly express ourselves. You see people walking on the streets everyday, or you bump into someone that you know. Even if you were to decide to hang out together, how well do you actually know each other? I think I know you, you think you know me.. only to realise at the end of the day, conflict has somehow arisen.
Out of the blue, I wrote this to BB yesterday which he had put in his blog,
"Only ideas meet ideas and compromise on the somewhat similar qualities or so they think; and bundle with each other thinking or convincing that it's the same idea to later result in conflict."
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If we could strip off our own identified ideas, or stories (stories come from ideas), perhaps we could lose the perspective of being judgmental. Is it possible? Well, I don't know. I have not tried it yet. All I know is that if we were to judge another, we were judging ourselves. And even if it was obvious that the judged qualities were the same, it couldn't possibly turn out to be accurate! Hence, our judgments are never valid! In that case, why judge? Oh ya.. it's not something done on purpose, it's just a thought that I hang on to and believe that it's real! hah!
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Honest and truthful expressions of our own needs may lead to a possibility of closeness between two people. Sometimes when we have a certain quality, we tend to impose it on another. We'd say, "if I can do it, why can't he/she?". Haven't we heard, each individual is different and unique. Even having said that, everyone's theshold is different.
If I am willing to be honest with you about my needs, then there is a possibility of you expressing your need to me. Together we fulfill each other's needs in unity. Of course, in truth, no one can actually satisfy our own needs except ourselves. But then again, there is also nothing wrong in expressing them. When we allow our needs to be understood, or when we understand another's needs, it is then possible for understanding and compassion to set in. When we express our needs, we also free our minds in a way. We let go and allow our minds to be open to possibilities.
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Anything or anyone out there is just a projection of the mind, but since we cannot understand what is it about us that is causing the projection, speaking to the 'effect' may give us some hints. Because the projection comes from us, there would be no way that we couldn't understand it. Only our ignorance and sense of separation would block me from seeing the truth. What is mine to own, I take responsibility. And the result of understanding, is natural forgiveness.
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Thank you for this inspired piece, hubby.. Love you dearly... *muaks*
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