The Weight

Disgustingly, I think I've put on weight again. And my dad had to send me a text this morning to remind about it. Hubby, always being the encouraging and loving hubby would assure me that I am fine and that it is just water retention. I chose to believe him and consoled myself until I saw a picture that Mervin tagged me today - AIKES, I have gained weight and I look TERRIBLE!!

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Sickening. Truly truly sickening. I feel sick in such a body shape and I don't know what is stopping me from doing anything about it. I admit that I do eat, but I don't indulge. I think it is that confidence that I've gained since losing off some weight and relaxed my diet a little.. as in, I started indulging in carbos again. Being a PCOS patient, my body is insulin resistent - which means; if I am not ready to exercise X amount of hours to burn off fats, then I ought to only eat X-Y amount of food. Disgusting!

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I am feeling pretty upset now, which is no good. But then again, maybe it is good 'cause it curbs my appetite. But that is certainly not a healthy way to lose weight. Shucks.. and all that resolution about getting to 51kg. Can I really do it? Mom said that it would be harder once I've reached a plato in losing weight and it will be harder. Sh*t!!

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I think now, I am not proud of what I did to my own body. Hmm.. maybe I should find a picture of a body that I like and paste it on my dressing table mirror to remind myself of my goal. Yeah.. will do that tonight, and tomorrow start psyching myself to go to the gym to work out, work out and work out. Eat right, eat right and eat right!

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ARGH.... Give me back my ideal body!!!!!!! Damn it!