Guilt

It's amazing how Guilt can ruin a person's day. All derived from a 'want' or 'don't want', indecisiveness, options and mainly stories created in the mind.

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All of us feel guilt towards people and situations. Sometimes we face it by admitting our vulnerability; but mostly, we blame it on others whenever we are unable to face the guilt within; or at times, we seek approval from others just to justify that there is no need to feel guilty. The truth is, if the guilt is there, it is already there - and nobody can 'remove' the guilt within, or 'shift' that feeling until you come to terms with it and find out its source.

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Tuck Loon always quote what Jesus said, "the idea has never lost its source" and "you are never really upset for the reason you think it is". Perhaps he quoted more, but these are the 2 that are running in my mind now.

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So why do the mind create stories for the feeling of guilt to arise? I don't know. I asked him today, "when will we ever be fully awaken?" and he replied, "forget it. Go back to sleep."

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Strangely, the mind did not see that as a relief. Could it be that the mind has been working so hard at being awaken, and now to be asked to go back to sleep would then mean going back to old patterns of who's out there? I don't know.

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I have been faced with a situation. My heart tells me something; the mind tells me another. Clearly, it is time to make a conscious decision. Which scene would I joyfully partipate in? Here or there? Am I willing to give up an opportunity for where moments of joy, love and happiness already exist; or do I give myself an opportunity to be accepted and loved in another for it to exist? Choices. Choices. Both will be filled with guilt. "Why must there be guilt?" you might ask. You are not me, you wouldn't know; likewise, I am not you, I can't be like you.

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Perhaps, deep within, I am still yearning for that chance to belong; which is illusional. And perhaps, deep within, I am afraid of that opportunity because I don't want to be where I won't be reminded of who I truly am. Where I already know where love exists, there's acceptance and no pretence. No need to be careful of what I say or do. Yet, do we always shy away from situations which can serve as opportunities? But then again, it is not my day. Only that I do wish to be there to give my blessings.

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Next question, do I really need to be present in the ceremony to give my blessings? Do they not already have my blessings? Again, who needs my blessings? Oohh.. that unworthiness thought!

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So where am I? Back at the source which is already an effect of something deeper. It sucks. Because now I have to dive into that unworthiness to find out another cause to that effect; which may very well be another effect of another cause.

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Thank you, Guilt. I see you and I will work on it. Thank you.