The Scapegoat

Poor fella... it was really my creation, all of it.. and what a wonderful story it was..

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You see, I have always loved to stay in a condominium. Not that I don't like this place, or this house.. I mean, it is my home - just that I think it is kinda big for the 4 of us (including the angel), and then the garden, the pond, the dog.. like I said, not that I hate them or dislike them.. I appreciate them - just not enough to wanna take care of them personally. So, everything is relied upon the angel - my supermaid.

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Nearly everybody knows that I think and speak highly of the angel most of the time. Why I say most of the time? Come on, I have weaknesses - so, I have my moods too when triggered!

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So, coming back to the angel. I trust her a lot. So much so that I could leave Thea with her alone at home at times (ok, ok... most of the time!). Last night, I had dinner at Unique (without Thea and please don't ask me why) because it was my aunt's birthday. When I got home at about 11pm and up to my room, I saw some light flashing on Thea's mattress. The angel was with her because she usually puts Thea to sleep when I am not in at night. I asked her repeatedly about the light and she kept saying 'nothing.. nothing...' until I lifted the pillow, I saw a handphone in her hands. My heart dropped. After some questioning, she finally revealed bits and pieces of the truth of whose handphone it was (it's hers by the way), how she got it, what she needed it for, who was on her contact list... while interrogating her, there were 2 phone calls (from men) and 2 smses (probably for the same men) - and time was approximately between 11.55pm - 12.10am. My heart dropped further. I was disappointed, angry and upset. I told her to go downstairs to rest while I think about it overnight to see how we could sort this out. I had to wait for hubby to come back to hear what he had to say.

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I held on to the phone for the night. While waiting for hubby to come back, I checked everything in the phone - phonebook, messages and etc. I know it sounds unethical, but I couldn't help it because I needed to know how long she has been doing this under our nose, under our roof and how far did it get. From the messages, I gathered some insights. I won't divulge here because I think it is bad enough that I had invaded her privacy and that I ought to stop there. All I can say is that, it was as I had suspected, but not as bad as I had expected.

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So during the serious discussion with hubby about what had happened, we came up with 2 options: No. 1) No more going out, no handphone, no mixing with her friends until hubby says so OR No. 2) Sent her back to Indonesia right away. Because of my mentality of the need to be prepared, we started weighing out the possibilities arising from any consequences of the options. If she stays, then how; if she goes back, then how. I suddenly realised that whatever 'plans' or reasoning I had whether she stayed or not - was to move back to a condominium unit. You know what else is amazing??? I realised that I made all these up!! I created all these!! How did I know??? Read further...

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There was this time, I think probably a few weeks ago, I went to see the Amaya (a Malton project). I loved that place... 1,800++ sq ft, 3+1 bedroom, all with attached bathrooms... nice kitchen, free aircons, kitchen cabinets, cooker hob and etc etc... I could go on and on... and while hubby also thought it was not too bad a place, he admitted that he prefers landed properties. He likes where we are now, our own garden, our own pond and etc etc etc... when I argued about too much space or the house is too big for us, he would always reply, "yeah.. that is why we have the angel, and we have to treat her good." I can't argue with him; because I don't feel the 'hardwork' of living in such a spacious home. He doesn't too. Perhaps, only the angel does..

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And you know how daydreaming starts right.. I started thinking - eh, if I didn't have a maid, then the place would be too big for me to clean, and too spacious for the 3 of us, then maybe we could move back to a condominium unit.... yeah.. thinking thinking and thinking... and then guess what...

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It nearly manifested into reality. There is this saying by Robert Scheinfeld, "If you are aware of it, you are creating it, down to the smallest detail." And that is exactly how it was for me. It was as if, I was this director of a movie... all for one purpose - to move back to a condo.

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What a creative excuse!!! To use a scapegoat to fulfil my wish... Tsk tsk...*shakehead*

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Anyway, all's resolved. Hubby and I spoke to her this morning and she seems to understand where we are coming from. Just to make it clear, we are not upset because she had a handphone, or made new friends (whether they were men or women); we were upset because there was no transparency. While she deserves her own privacy and space to make her own friends, we - as her caretaker in a way, ask for her honesty and transparency as she is residing in our home.

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Overall, she is a wonderful person and does her job well. We all have weaknesses; angel or not. When we told her that we were going to have a word with one of her friends, she cried and told us not to, saying everything is her fault and not her friend's doing (and this is a female friend whom we think had influenced her). I explained to her that whatever that we needed to tell her with regards to what she had done, has already been said; and now, whatever that we needed to tell her friend, has got nothing to do with her. I reminded her that she does her job well (sometimes human beings need to be bodek-ed a bit) and that it is ok to make mistakes, just as long as she learns from it - just as we all do.

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In truth, she did not do anything at all. Yeah, you read me right - she did not do anything wrong. She was being my scapegoat, playing out the role as written in my script.. So in truth, there is no need to pardon her, because she played out her role really well... In fact, I should praise her for being so real in this drama, and most importantly myself, being such a great director!

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Thank you dear angel, for being the scapegoat in this play. Thank you, for making this experience possible. I appreciate myself for this creation and the realness of this creation. I, am GOD. ;D

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As for the condo, I really ought to work on myself. And not anyone else.

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Namaste.