I don't forbid my maid going out at all although I have to admit I place conditions upon it. It has to be done on a not-too-frequent basis and that she has to be accompanied by people that I know. So yes, it is NOT unconditional, although I allow it.
...
Today, she asked me if she could go out on Sunday. I asked her why. She explained that she needed to buy some pants. I questioned her intentions because she never seemed to like to go out whenever I asked her to join us. She laughed. And then I asked her what would she do (with the understanding that she would be going out with my dad's maid who goes to church every Sunday) when Mia goes to church. She said that she would watch a movie, alone. Since that did not satisfy my need of her safety (although safety is an illusion since anything that is meant to happen will happen) or rather, my conditions of her going out; I said no.
...
She was upset. I think she felt shocked at first because I had never declined her request on going out before, so she cried a little. I noticed that it was more than just the movie. I asked her what were her needs. She just kept shaking her head, with tears in her eyes saying, "no, it is ok.. I don't want to go out already" despite my explaining the reasons behind the NO.
...
I have not gotten any answers from her. All I told her before she took off from my sight within the home is that, "Let me know your needs so that I could consider how I could compromise." She continuously shook her head and repeatedly said, "no, it is ok... I don't want to go out already."
...
Do I feel bad? Yes, I do. I feel bad not because I had said no, but because I had not built enough trust between us (the maid and I) for her to be completely honest with me about her needs. While many of my friends who are employers of domestic maids give me advice that I SHOULD NOT let my maid out ; I take into consideration that she too, is human and deserves time of her own. Doesn't everyone?
...
I remember when I had my first maid, I drove her nuts as much as she did (as in drive me nuts). Later, when I was calculating her pro-rated salary after the decision to send her back to the agent, I realised that she was working for only approximately RM11++ (RM350/30 days) a day and I was asking her to do this and that for me/the household without consideration to her feelings or her well-being here. She was XXkm away from home, away from her loved ones in an entirely new country, in the hope of buidling a better future for herself and her family and here I was, totally NOT treating her as a human being, limiting her freedom. Can you imagine, I didn't even allow her to lock her room door! I told myself that I would treat my future maids better. And I did; my subsequent maids which includes the present one. When I am conscious and appreciate all that she has done for me and my family, she is my guardian angel. Of course, when I am unconscious, and start blaming her for all the things that she'd done or not do; she is THE MAID!
...
I don't know if she'd come talk to me later. And I guess I'd only know when the time comes. Just the other day, BB encouraged me to look at her (the maid) as an equal, rather than a maid whom I had employed. To my understanding, there would be 2 possible outcome for this changed perception - no. 1, the karmic patterns between me and her would be relieved and no. 2, so that I'd treat her better with respect and appreciation. And no. 2 would lead me to realise that the 'salary' I pay her is merely an appreciation I have for her.
...
In truth, I do appreciate her. I remember her last request of wanting to go out on Mother's Day where I jokingly told her that it was Mother's Day and it was supposed to be MY day off, not hers! But because of her presence in my household, EVERYDAY is Mother's Day to me, I had said 'yes' to her request. She ended up going on on a weekday (not on my request but my preference anyway) and had a good time.
...
Who am I to restrict her? Just because I am 'seemingly' paying her?? Out of her respect for me, as her rightfully 'caretaker' here in Malaysia, she takes my words as her duties. And I willingly respect, appreciate and protect her while she is under my 'care' until she goes home to her loved ones.
I'm glad that you have posted this. But from my observation and readings on human trafficking, it is very sad to know that human are not being treated as a mere human being. I'm not implying your maid is being ill-treated.
ReplyDeleteLet's just say that we are the maid and you are to work everyday without off-day and pay at xxx amount. How would you feel? Its just as simple as that. Put yourself in that person's shoes.
That is why I would rather not having any maid because I know my weaknesses. I dunno how to confront them. So end-up with a once a week cleaner which I'm happier with.
This is entirely my opinion and not referring to anyone.
Ya, you are right. If the majikans remember that the domestic maids are also human, perhaps there would be more compassion in treatment.
ReplyDeleteOf course it is also not right for us to condone and agree that all maids would have a day-off.. it is entirely depending on the relationship and trust between the majikan and the maid.
Btw, I think having a part-time maid is cool too! ;D