Show-Off

I realised that I do have a mentality to show-off - and I am speaking of only material stuffs here.

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I always thought that I am humble (meaning, I am NOT a show-off!!) and that I don't really care what people think of me from the aspects of material things. Since I became more aware of my thoughts and the attitude behind those thoughts, I noticed that the humbleness that I portray is merely a camouflage to 2 beliefs: No. 1 - mentality of lack / fear of being inferior and No. 2 - fear of showing-off arising from the mentality of superiority!

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Wow! Another amazing discovery about myself!

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No. 1 - Mentality of Lack / Fear of Being Inferior

It's like this... actually, I can afford this, but because I am practical I choose not to buy it. So I am happy and proud of myself that I am practical and if people say, "eh, why you use this or drive this...", I can readily answer back, "because it is more practical." This is very much on the surface.

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The scary truth behind it is this...

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I can't afford that (due to the mentality of lack which is a false-made-truth belief). So, I have no choice but to buy this, and it is more practical anyway... The contemplation is, if I buy this, I still have extra $$$ to buy other things; but if I buy that, I cannot have other things. And by this logical reasoning the decision is made to buy this over that. And each time I meet someone whom I perceived to have 'more' than me, then the mind is ready with answers to defend the ego, "oh.. it is more practical..." Aiks, as I type this, another realisation! This, is from the space of unworthiness... Unworthy to own what is perceived of more value than what you are. Goodness, the limiting beliefs surely had its way to make me feel small!

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No. 2 - Fear of Showing-Off arising from the Mentality of Superiority

When I already have something that I love, I like to use it constantly. But when I meet someone whom I perceived to have 'less' than me, I switch from what I love into something that I could 'live' with for the day or for the moment. Quite differently the mind functions in this scenario because there would be no cause to 'defend' - as no one would be 'putting' me down, and I had 'secured' my position of not having to 'put' anyone down by 'not being superior' for the day.

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Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! *shaking head* The kind of defilement that had run in my head for ages!! And what blessings, to finally be aware of them and to be able to consciously choose from this day forth!

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And you know what... in whatever situations that I'd been in... nobody ever asked me, questioned me or put me down... And no matter how hard I tried 'not being superior', I could not stop anyone from feeling that they were inferior to me!

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So the truth to me is this, and this is more relevant to my belief that people would actually put me down - nobody ever cared about what I had, what I wore, or what I did... They only saw me, for ME...

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Now, isn't that wonderful? To know that anything and everything that seemed so real of which I had needed to prepare myself with a defense, was just a creation of what's in that conditioned mind of mine... :) Isn't it wonderful, that now... I can actually consciously choose??? :)

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Aaahhhh... what a revelation... what freedom... what joy...