FAT - My problem or Her problem?

I was very amazed by the several episodes of my mom complaining that I am fat. So, let me share my story.

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I've lost weight from 64kg since last August to 57kg currently and yet, it seems like it is not good enough for her. Initially, it upset me; like why is she still saying that I am fat despite my weight loss? But I'd reverse it mentally by saying to my self, "I am slim and beautiful.".

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The last time she said that was on Sunday before dinner. She did not say that to me, but more to my daughter. She was teaching Thea how to do some crunches and then said to Thea, "you see, mommi cannot do it; because she is fat!". Although it didn't upset me like it used to, but it did get me wondering "what on earth is wrong with her?". What has my fat-ness got to do with her? And in my opinion, I think (and hubby agrees too) that she has been putting on weight herself.

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Thoughts crossed my mind on what is the meaning of this happening. You see, everything that happens, happens for you. So I was watching: could it be that she could not accept the fact that I am now only 2kg heavier than her?; could it be that she could not accept that we shared the same jeans size despite our size differences?; could it be that she could not accept that she herself is putting on weight?; could it be that she count not accept I was beginning to look better than before and there is now a certain 'compeition? Peculiar.. all negative thought forms! And I was pretty sure that is not the problem, because the truth is - there is no one out there. There must be something about me that she is projecting for me to see. It is all about me, and what makes it difficult is that it is the sub-conscious mind that is projecting it! Lots of guessing game I tell ya!

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So last night, while I was dressing up for SIL's dinner I asked hubby again. "Honey, am I fat?". As usual, he'd said, "no honey, you are not fat.". I looked at him and said, "come on honey.. tell me the truth.. mom says that I am. And you always don't tell me the truth, so I'd never know! Even last time when you thought I was fat, you still told me that I wasn't! Please tell me the truth." Hubby looked at me, again and again.. and said, "honey, really, you are not fat.. you have lost SO much weight from last time you know. Maybe, mom just means your tummy." I smirked because the tummy is not an easy place to loose especially after child birth. But then again, perhaps I've not been working hard enough. And then hubby said, "you know... I also cannot understand why mom keeps saying that you are fat. She herself has been putting on weight." I looked at him and said, "yeah, I think the same.. but why ar.. seriously.. why ar.." He, being the smart ass that he is then told me, "honey, be confident of yourself. Look at my face (he has vertiligo). People don't ask me or say anything about it because I am not effected by it... so don't get effected by your weight then people won't say anything about it." And right at that moment... an "A-HA!" moment struck me!! IT WAS MY FEAR OF BEING FAT!!! Mom was simply projecting that out for me - that I have a fear of being fat! hahhaha.. it was liberation upon the realisation!!

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So, clearly it is not my mom's problem. It's my problem. But then again, it is not a problem - just a projection of the sub-conscious mind. I will watch and surrender my fear.. and until I see my mom again, I'd know if I'd let go of that fear of being fat. But honestly, which female species on earth doesn't have fear of being fat??? :{

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Well, I will try to be the first one! :)