Can I do it?

An opportunity has been presented to me. There's many ways to look it.

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1) To reclaim my power.

2) To redeem my 'debts', i.e. guilt, sense of unworthiness, sense of failure. (actually this is almost the same as no. 1)

3) To play a game.

4) To share abundance that has been bestowed onto me in my past months of learning and accepting.

5) To practise the tools.

6) To do what I never had the courage to do.

7) To do things differently this time.

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Probably, the list goes on... but then, they are all just reasons or rather the maybes to either support my stand on the pedestal, or to confirm my sitting put at where I am.

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I said, "I failed!!" and they said, "How could you have failed? it has not yet closed down."

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And I said, "But I am not running it now." and they said, "You set it up and had it running first."

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Now I say, "Can I?" and they say, "Of course you can! It only takes love, courage and your willingness."

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So I ask myself, "Am I willing?" and I say, "yes... but I worry"

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And then they say, "you always worry... worry about where it'd end, when it has not even started. Can you just trust?"

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The mind wants to start planning of the days ahead in case I say 'YES'. And yet, my mind doesn't dare to run too far because it is dependent on my choice.

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The mind then starts to show visions of the routine I experience everyday in case I say 'NO' - Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays... Public Holidays? Oh, do they exist?

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So, if this was not meant for me, why was this presented? If, this was not meant for me, why did my heart skip a beat?

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But, if this was meant for me, why do I worry? If, this was meant for me, why do I hesitate?

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Clearly, the past experiences of the mind has created phobias - towards my being, my family and those around me. But are past experiences real? Do they exist? Or are they only real and exist because we hang on to the memory that blocks us from moving forward? Christopher Moon once said, "Past experiences are unreliable". Hari said, "The past experiences conditions the mind either with love or with fear, which either presents opportunities or blockages." Well, Hari didn't say it in exact words, but I understand what he meant. Past memories and experiences imprinted in the mind creates fear, and that hinders us from living life fully.

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I know, I have got my answer. And yet, I have to be very still to listen clearly to that inner voice - my heart, to what it is calling out for me to do, or not do. I respect my heart, and I want to listen to it. Because there is where I truly am - the essence of my being.

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So, where do I go from here? Do we become smarter now after the experience of failing before; or do we practice the saying, 'Once bitten, twice shy'?

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We'll see...