Today was supposed to be an off day for me. Off days means that I ought to have nothing to do, no plans and etc... didn't have to send Thea to school or to do anything 'urgent' that needed to be addressed - you know what I mean, right?
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Since it was my 'off' day, I made plans with Pauline 2 days ago that I'd accompany her to Maha Vihara (the Brickfield's temple) to collect marriage registration forms. Didn't turn out fruitful because the office girl who repeatedly called us 'sister' (made me feel good man!) explained that the 2 registrars based at Maha Vihara recently retired and they (Maha Vihara) were in the midst of applying for new ones. Ok, so no luck there. I then proceeded to PJ (with Pauline in the car) to run other errands before heading to the Subang Jaya Buddhist temple and subsequently to the Bukit Rimau Buddhist Society for the same reason. To enquire.
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In the midst of all that, I received a text from BB (Tuck Loon - shall refer him as BB from this day forth unless I forget) to bring forward a meeting that was meant to be held tomorrow. Since I had time, I agreed effortlessly.
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Arriving at his door at approximately 2:40pm, the experience of editing his latest book was utterly challenging for me. It was against my limiting beliefs!! I always had this 'principle' that I would try my best to ONLY edit the grammatical errors of an article but not reword or revamp the whole damn article. But he had his points. And he highlighted (which I already knew) that I had a fear of editing people's work because I had a fear of people editing my work! I guess the "I" always wants to retain and have its say especially when it is "MY" work right? Hah.. camouflage! Just another camouflage! I simply did not want people to edit my work or omit my writing style (safe for grammatical errors) because I did not want people to disregard my majesty! How arrogant, Gerry!! *tsk, tsk, tsk*
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Anyway, left it as there. Didn't dwell deeper. Already know where it comes - the sense of unworthiness. So as stated in one of the articles we edited today, 'still work-in-progress" lah!
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I didn't realised that time flew so fast. I had an appointment with Kalai at 6pm. My gosh, I was really running late! And yet, I stayed a little longer to tap some more wisdom from both my teachers (BB & his lovely wify, Lai Fun) - noted the kiasu attitude.. ;p
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Left BB's place, dropped some brochures at Clove&Clive for Angeline and shot back to KK in a jiffy. IN A JIFFY?!?!? I WISH!! Traffic was horrendous! I had to turn here turn there (luckily I was quite familiar with Kelana Jaya area) to somehow make it on the highway. By the time I arrived at OldTown, dear Kalai had waited for me for almost an hour!
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Ok, guilt was only mine. She smiled so sweetly when she saw me! It's like she was so glad to finally see me! And so was I! It was the first time meeting her and I gave her a big hug for her patience and for allowing me to be in her presence despite my disorder in time management. I was truly grateful. Obviously, the conversation hit it off. I had much to talk - erm, actually we both did.. hahaha.. it was fun!
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When we left each other's presence for the evening, I started thinking about something that BB and Lai Fun said this afternoon about me having a shift - of being totally expressive to being not-so-expressive. Well, it's easy to put a reason to it. It could be an experience that I had with a friend or two which had, subconsciously caused me to be more cautious when I speak; it could be that I just have nothing to say. In fact, hubby noticed the same thing - a silence in me. I noticed it too. It's not that I have nothing to say really, but then I really have nothing to say! If I am accepting everything outside perfectly as it is, how could there be anything to say? And if everyone out there is fine exactly the way they are, how could there be anything to say? And if, I am having judgments of someone having a problem, i.e. seeing him/her as a victim, rescuer or procecutor, lagi more I have nothing to say because all I have to do is just go back to do the process is it not? Ok to make it clear, I don't see everything perfectly as it is. There are times when I do get angry or irritated or upset - seriously, ALL the more reason not to say anything, right?
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Hubby said that according to Eckhart Tolle (did I get the spelling right?), I am in no-man's land. I have not read his book so I don't know exactly what he means but anything is possible, right?
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Gerry, Gerry... what is happening to you ar??
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But in some ways, I am glad that this off day has filled itself with plenty of experiences for me. Fun lah, get to do so many things at one day - especially on an off day!!!
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Sorry Gerry, tomorrow is working day. Eh, waitaminute... working day also can be fun what, righto? *winks*
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