Watching Intention

This is something that... I must say is something known to me quite some time ago, but had not taken the effort to practise. But recently, I had diligently taken the responsibility to note my intentions of each doing and saying. Really, not easy.

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It's easy to be mindful of our bodily sensatives, movements and etc, easy to be mindful of our thoughts, easy to be mindful of the feelings that arised out of the thoughts that we hang on to or out of no where (where stories do not exist); but it's pretty difficult to be mindful of the intentions. That's where I am now. :/

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Why? Simply because it is such a grey area... or rather, a thin dotted line.

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Today, a friend called me. I won't quote her name here because I am unsure of whether I saw what was truthful in her space, but why I had decided to quote her example today is because her story inspired me to look deeper within.

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She called me and told me that her lesson now is 'Inconsideration & Compassion'. She shared with me that she saw people around her being inconsiderate. She noted of her judgments and thereafter... and I was thinking... since there is no one out there, surely that must be a reflection.. and if outer is reflection, then what message was in for her? I then blurted, "could it be your fear of being inconsiderate?"

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You see, this friend of mine is a beautiful, loving, kind, helpful and considerate friend. I pondered further on her behalf, if it was the fear of her being inconsiderate to others that she had judged others because they were being inconsiderate to her or to those around her? Similarly, she was being considerate to others (not that it is a bad thing!) because of a inner fear of being inconsiderate to others? Of course, I never got the answer because it was happening to her. And since I was not triggered by the 'inconsiderate' story, I recognised her invitation for me to join her for this experience.

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And then I started to ponder further within myself... consideration. We are considerate to others because we were taught that it was a great value to cultivate. But if we were being considerate out of fear of being inconsiderate to others - what we experience will then be others being inconsiderate to us. No, I am not saying that it is a bad thing. But that understanding led me to see that there is nothing wrong with being inconsiderate too, as long as it is unconditional - meaning, you don't do it to put others or you, up or down.

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During dinner, I asked hubby why he got irritated with this group of Middle Eastern people in LCCT. He shared that he judged them as being rude and inconsiderate. Again, I asked him, "do you have a fear of being rude and inconsiderate to others?" He pondered deeply. I shared my theory with him about 'there's nothing wrong with being rude or inconsiderate', but it seems that for us 'not to be rude or considerate from the space of fear is worst' because that fear reflects itself through our mirrors and triggers us! I don't know if he got what I mean, but I am not that bothered (if he understood) because it was only my understanding and I was merely pondering and sharing what I pondered.

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I tell you.. this mirroring thing is pretty tricky. So how is this related to intentions? Many. If I am watching my intentions, being aware of each intention whether it arises from the space of love or fear, I can always consciously change or choose my response. But like I said, it's tricky. I was just telling my friend that sometimes I get lazy and just find someone to point finger at or just react, but then you know, I end up laughing at myself because I can't seem to run from myself anymore! Funny!