Aaaahhhh... had another realisation...
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Remember the entry about the guilt of not listening to BB's advise for getting the book he suggested? I just realised that the guilt did not arise from not listening to BB. It arised from the non-guilt that arised from not listening to BB. Or rather, reclaiming my responsibility. Get it? Wonderful journey!
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See how guilt hides behind reasons that I don't think it is? Well, at least now that has been solved.
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Having said that, I am beginning to realised that my journey of awakening is getting tougher and tougher. It was easy before because whatever that was directly happening to me could be easily recognised. But now, 'indirect' experiences happening in my space, hence directing my experiences through my 'mirrors' are somewhat difficult to digest. Well, I guess it is another level of awakening. Observing what is happening outside and reflecting the inner world - wow... while recognising that it is all you - it's hard to pinpoint exactly which spot it is directing yet.
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Nevertheless... I am great, hence through my current willingness I trust I will be able to transcend all these to achieve elevating greatness within which will bring me closer to Home.
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