Father's Day Present

Strange.. very strange... he gave us back the gift and cards that we gave him. My dad, that is.

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How do I feel? Hmm... funny, strange and hmm... hey guilt, where are you? Are you hiding behind funny and strange?!? *laughing*

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Whatever... it's just an experience. Is anger present? Hmm... can't really find it. Is disappointment present? Hmm... yes and no, I think it's subtle. Is understanding present? Hmm.... yes and no... guess the awakening state is not fully yet (OBVIOUSLY!!). Never told you huh? This happened before. Also father's day, in year... can't remember... but it was before I met hubby. Gave him a father's day card, he gave it back to me saying that I don't have a father and I threw it in the bin. Yup, in anger.

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Did I do the same this time? Nah... the gift is expensive ;p (but not the reason why I am not throwing it away!) and valuable. The card is, well... meaningful. I will keep them both. Perhaps one day, when I am able to transcend all these with more clarity, he will accept those gifts as a reflection that, that part of me has been healed...

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Happy Father's Day, dad.. I know, you either think we or you don't deserve to celebrate this overly commercialised ocassion and it's really ok. You are right, we don't need a Father's Day to celebrate having a great dad like you. But dad, only if you could feel what we feel towards you, then perhaps you'd know that we have never left you. We have always been there, in your heart; just as you are in our hearts. Well, at least in mine. Only if you knew... but it is ok, because I know, and I guess that is enough for now. I love you very very much.