Rushing, Rushing, Rushing

Gosh... I don't even know how to begin this. I don't know if I am looking forward to CNY, or just simply wishing that it is all over to end this misery.

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It seems as if I am rushing... there is like, so much to do, and yet the time is not yet here to do it. If I do it too early, then it might be redundant. If I do it late, then it will be just as it is - LATE! Arghhhh....

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Maybe it is just me. Just anxious to get everything in order. I have also come to realised that I am the kind of person who, when there are things to do, I can't sleep, sit, stand or just be still. It's like I am always rushing, rushing and rushing... rushing to get things all done... just can't wait for it to be ALL DONE!

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Maybe I am scared too. That I'd forget this, or that.. and then make everything imperfect... ahhhh... that's it! I must be afraid of being imperfect. Gosh, there I was, living in my imperfections and being at peace with it, and now I am not! What a total 180 degrees swing!

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And just the other day, mom was saying how lucky I was that I don't need to literally clean my house with my bare hands (because of guardian angel ;D) and here I am, having lists of things to do swimming around in my head! Arghhh... I hate the feeling.

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I want to tidy up the study room, i.e. move Thea's toys up to her room, and yet.. there are no shelves in her room. I want to start moving all the feng shui stuffs to its destined place for the coming lunar year, and yet I am afraid it is too early. I want to clean/wipe my altar and re-energise my crystals and yet I am afraid if I do it too early, then it might collect dust again. I want to buy vegetables and yet, I am afraid that the vegetables might not last till CNY. Planning, planning, planning... rushing, rushing, rushing...

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*Taking a deep breath and blowing out*

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Have I planned enough? Did I miss out anything? Just seems so much to do... yet so little time... or is it that time is passing so slowly that I have ample time that I am scared that when it pass me by, I'd not realised it resulting in me missing out a thing or two? Worry, worry, worry...

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Calm down, calm down... I must be fine and it will be all over soon...