Twilight - the Movie

I just came back from watching 'Twilight' - the movie at Gladys'. I must admit, it was good. Good not because of the movie, but more because of the company, including the moments when they (Terri & Gladys) were interrupting the movie and discussing their comments in the midst of my watching the movie (I was the only one who hasn't watched the movie) and I had to constantly put my pointer on my lips and go, "SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Lols. Gladys said I was naughty. ;p

If it weren't for the 2 storytellers, I think I wouldn't have enjoyed the movie so much. They were explaining very details things to me like, why Edward's eyes were green, why the 'bad' vampires' eyes were red, why Bella was wearing sneakers, how vampires actually travel alone but the Cullens are very united and stick together and etc etc etc... Nice. :D

Initially, we all sat apart from each other, comfortably. Suddenly, Gladys got up and walked to my side, wanting to sit next to me. I got scared and thought that she was literally gonna bite me to turn me into a vampire (haha.. such fantasizing thoughts...), so as she sat next to me, I quickly got up and went to the OTHER corner of the sofa. They laughed really loud, and Gladys, not giving up, got up again to sit next to me again.. Lols. Looks like I wasn't going to escape anywhere... Lols. Just kidding..

It was really fun. We talked a little about it more after the movie while Terri & I had some soup which I boiled over the afternoon. Talked also about my Kevin Cheng. He will be here in KL on the 7th November!! I am so excited!! But when they asked me if I'd go to Summit Subang (he will be there) to see him, to breathe the same air as him and blah blah blah... I shook my head and said no. I like him.. but that doesn't mean I am some crazy fan who'd be amongst those who'd squeeze themselves silly just to catch a glimpse of him. Siao meh.. he thinks I have nothing else better to do?!?! ;p

Anyway, it's late. I've just borrowed the Twilight book from Gladys tonight. I guess I want to experience what it's really like reading the story, since I've watched the movie. Apparently, Twilight is written from Bella's perspective. Should be good.

And now, it's time to change and catch Kevin Cheng on Astro On Demand. Night night!!

Is it ALWAYS me?

I am wondering...

You see, something happened for me again today, a repeated incident; although the casts of this incident, or rather story, is different; it has something with me putting pictures up on the Facebook.

I don't understand it. What is privacy? Do we really have privacy? If we do and treasure our privacy so much, then why do we create an account in Facebook? or even blog for that matter? Of course, we have our options to limit our information available only to people that we are 'friends' with, then in that case, why do we have 'limitations' to what we share?

Recently, my brother complained to me about some photos of him (actually, more of his wife - his picture was not in existence in that album) in one of my Facebook album which I had put up months ago. He requested that I deleted those pictures (those of his wife) because they bore the same background of some pictures of Mom and Chow. His reasoning was because he didn't want dad to see them, in fear that it would upset dad and therefore may threatened his relationship with dad. Ok, I can understand that. While it was against my will (because I argued that it was MY facebook account!), I removed the pictures to ensure that I did not leave any trace of him, hanging out with Mom and Chow. I chose peace. Of course, much later, I found out the separation hinted by one of my Masters, and the energy of my thoughts infused with that photo album.

So, I thought that lesson was over.

And then today, my girlfriends told me to remove their pictures (though not in exact words) in an album that I recently posted. I can't understand why. Perhaps they didn't look pretty enough? Perhaps my photography skills sucked that it did not make them look good? Perhaps, they thought they looked like fools in their stunts? I don't know. I really don't, because I thought that those photos, or any photos that I had put up were as beautiful as the moments that I had enjoyed with them. They, are beautiful to me irregardless. And then I found out, that I could actually customise the album to only allow selected people to view them. Ok, I learnt something new. But it was still disturbing me. I don't understand it. What were they reflecting? What were they trying to tell me about me? What was it that my subconscious mind was projecting?

I called Angel. She always has a clear mind and always had her ways of making me see things when I am unable to. BB told me it was guilt. But, whose guilt? Although I recognise that it was just a meaningless story, then why I am being affected by it? I am quite sure that I am still ignorant to the message this story brings.

And then, just a moment ago, I wondered... gosh, is everything -all guilt-, mine and mine only? I can't understand it. They are the ones who feel bad about something and because I am the one who had 'done' it, I needed to 'undo' it to resolve the matter. I wondered again, how come, it is always me that puts people in such situation? It is either I have bad memory, or I just can't seem to pinpoint a situation where someone has put me in 'hot soup' as I've put them? is it really, always me? how come, I am the one who creates all these misery, anger, disappointment in other people? And how come, I don't see it? And when I believe that "I" am the one who did it, I feel guilty and bad.. wanting to resolve all the ill feelings in the situation, others and myself... but when I remember that they too have their own 'shit' (otherwise they won't be feeling those kinds of things towards what I do, right?), then I feel a need to stand in my own truth of not wanting to do what they want me to do... and then, when I remember that "there is no one out there, but me", I feel like shit again, because it all always comes down to me!

On the surface, how come I don't feel affected that other people put up my ugly pictures, or where I've been but other people feel that? On the inside, I know... I know... it is all my projection - but WHAT IS IT?

On the surface, I wonder... when we all go out together, you bring your camera, I bring my camera, we snap away... you pose for me, I pose for you... isn't that already permission granted in each other's space? And then, wherever you or I wish to upload, photoshop, edit, even to print out the pictures to throw darts at, isn't that our own thing? And then, do we have the right to request another to do, or not to do this or that? I realise, we don't. We don't actually have the right to request someone out of another person. Well, yeah, we could request, but whether it is done or not is totally irreleavent to the person who made the request. And then, the person to whom the request is made to is left with a choice - their own choice, to comply or to stand in their own space of authority.

Please don't misunderstand. I am not angry, upset or pissed off with any of the casts, i.e. my brother or my friends. I am just pissed off with myself because I believe that time and time again, I am always the one who create shit for people. Gladys told me yesterday over MSN (though I am not sure if she is joking), that everything revolves around me. I used to think not because I revolved around them (the Angels) in the past, then I revolved around hubby and Thea for a while, and now, I admit that I revolve around me. Well, at least most of the time. I acknowledge that everything happens for me and me only. I used to feel guilty about it, but now I receive with love. But then again, is it ALWAYS me? Really really? I don't know. Sometimes I don't think so. Like the time when I have my conservations with Angel, yes.. while we do talk about me, we also talk about her. And, like the time I have my tea or breakfast or dinner with Jer Lin, we talk about me, and we talk about her too... And, like the time I listen to hubby talk about his work and me about losing weight, there is a balance no? But then again, I am not so sure, because these are just my filters, my perception, the meaning that I put into each situation, the "you"s and the "I"s.. the separation, the story.

I so want to call someone to ask, "is it always me?" to clarify if really, "it's always me". But I realise that whatever response that I want to hear would determine who I'd call. See, isn't it always me? What a joke I've created for myself! Hah!

I long for people to take responsibility for their own 'shit' so that there'd be less blaming in the world, or more specifically, directed to me (see, it's me again!) because I do take responsibility for my own shit. Or so I think... I will always remember Gladys face when she said this to me last last last friday when I visited her hurt toe, "That's what you think only!" and she is right. I love her, always giving it straight to my face. The reminder that kicks me in the butt. :)

Oh gosh, do I now need to seek her permission or anyone's permission to put their names in my blog? But this blog is about me, no? Can I express in my blog how much I love such and such a person, or a moment, or a situation? And are you not associated with me, within my circle of life? Are you not aware that once within the space of my vicinity, permission is granted? I trust that I give credit where it's due - whether to another or to myself. The love and gratitude can come from an advise, a conversation, a meal, a trip, or simply by just remembering and appreciating the moments I have with that person, that place, that situation. Even in entries that I am writing about a seemingly "bad" thing, I am appreciating it. Otherwise, it wouldn't even come out from me, no?

Ah well, it is THAT obvious, it is ALWAYS me, and about me!

I am happy now. This is, as what Byron Katie says, very very good news. :)

Divorce After 35 Years

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

"I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes over the phone.

"Like heck they're getting a divorce," she shouts, "I'll take care of this!"

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, "You're not getting a divorce. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR?" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up the phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own fare!!"

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Creative huh? This piece of article was sent to me by Boon Ling. I laughed so hard so I'm now sharing it with you. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!! :D

The GPS - Sequeal to the Day Trip with the Vampires

Well, you see.. the GPS.. it belongs to Terri (I think). When she got into my car she excitedly shared that she brought along the GPS so that we'd find our way to and around Malacca. I didn't think that it was too hard to find our way to or around Malacca (since the town is so small right?), but ok, as long as she was happy. :/

I can't remember when she started using the GPS. I think it was when we finally arrived at Malacca and heading towards Jonkers' Street for Chicken Rice (and I think by then we were already talking about Harry Potter). You know la, these days the GPS so canggih, already pre-installed all those pretty famous destinations right. So Terri just found the name of the place and the GPS led the way.

As mentioned in the earlier post, the Chicken Rice place was full and weather was hot, so we went for Satay Babi instead. I admited that although I roughly knew where the place was, I wasn't that sure. All I knew about Satay Babi besides that it taste delicious, was that it was located in some place called Laksamana and I had to pass by some hostel or hotel called Heeren Inn. So imagine this, Gladys driving, I was observing the road ahead to tell her whether to go straight, head left or head right, and Terri was keying in the word, "L-a-k-s-a-m-a-n..." when I said, "ok, no need GPS already, I know where it is!" when I witnessed a familiar building. Poor GPS, from the moment it got on the trip with us, not much of an assistant. Lols.

So our day went on. Josephine joined us so we absolutely did not require the use of the GPS who was awaiting so patiently to serve... until, it was time to head home from Jonkers Street. I don't know what Terri punched in, but my guess was that it was leading us towards the Ayer Keroh exit. So happily the GPS was serving us... "keep left.. turn right and keep left... xx kilometres, turn right..." UNTIL Penny called me. We spoke a while and she advised us to use the Alor Gajah highway instead as it is safer for us girls. Right. So after I put down the phone, I told Gladys. For our safety, we decided to make a 'U' turn to find the Alor Gajah exit. And just so you know, at that point in time, the story telling of the Vampire series had already started.

Almost immediately after the 'U' turn, the GPS at its usual conditioning, would try to recalculate the distance and map-way to the nearest exit to Kuala Lumpur right? So we left it as it is as it went, "recalculating... recalculating... recalculating..." for a while while Terri & Gladys continued to story telling...

But the GPS kept on going "recalculating.. recalculating.. recalculating.. recalculating.. recalculating..." non-stop until it came to a point of irritation!!! ARGH!!!!!! It was bad enough that it could not locate the nearest exit, it couldn't access where we were and it kept on recalculating by itself while we were on a straight road!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!! It was really interrupting their story telling... Lols.

So Terri finally decided to shut it off. Phew! There was truly a breath of relief from all 3 of us!! Lols. We found the Alor Gajah exit following the signboards while the story telling went disinterrupted... :)

Sighs... they and their vampire story... ;p

Day Trip with the Vampires

We planned this 2 weeks ago during the visit to the hurt toe of Ms. Gladys a.k.a. the 1st Vampire to be bitten amongst us. To my surprise, they tired themselves out equally as I did the night before this day but the struggle to wake up for this trip was worthwhile. Right, girls? Lols.

THE HAPPENINGS (though not in sequence):

The Food

I don't think I need to repeat this twice. I love Satay Babi. So we went there for lunch (thank you God, for making the queue at the Chicken Rice shop along Jonker Street so unbearable long and the weather so hot that it turned Gladys off so that I could eat Satay Babi for lunch ;p). Gladys & Terri did not really enjoy them. Josephine (who joined us later) revealed that there was another shop in Melaka Raya which was nicer. Ok, but I didn't know mah... I enjoyed the Satay Babi anyway. I was only supposed to eat 1 or 2 sticks (by strict orders from the Vampires-Gladys & Terri), but I just couldn't resist! So I had 15.

Obviously, Gladys & Terri were not satisfied with lunch, so we went to Donald & Lily's.

I did not order anything on my own (are you mad? I had 15 sticks of delicious satay babi earlier!!!) but this apparently must-try cendol. It was ok la. I didn't finish it though.

After lunch, we went singing which will be revealed under another category. This is the food section, so pay attention!

After singing, Josephine took us to this kampung place for dinner. I can't really remember what is the name of the place but I took a picture of the name of the stall.

It is called Haji Musa Medan (I think) Ikan Bakar something. It is stall 3 and 4 and 5 and 6, 

not 3456. ;D

Gladys taking shots of dunno-what & dinner.

This, is NOT dinner. Just a cat, VERY VERY attracted to Terri. ;D

The Karaoke

On the way to Malacca, I asked Gladys, "So, are we going to Neway or Redbox?"

Gladys said, "None. We are going to a Malacca-brand karaoke."

Right.

"GoGo KTV Box" - the Malacca-brand Karaoke @ the Jetty

And mind you, it was looooooooooooooooong walk from the car park to GoGo KTV Box.

We were at Room 42

(from left to right) Josephone, Terri & Gladys

Gladys & Terri showing their singing stunts. :D

After Dinner

I think this trip was the first time in dunno how long that I've made a visit to Jonkers' Street at night. I've almost forgotten how bright, colourful, hot, noisy and at the same time attractive it can be.

We were there to look for a pair of princess slippers for Thea. Unfortunately, it was sold out. But the experience to walk around the busy street was stupendous despite the heat. At that moment, I remember wishing that I had more time to explore this popular street. Unfortunately again, we had to head home.

The Drive

Gladys, the driver generously offered to drive Terri, herself & I down to Malacca.

Throughout the drive, I talked alot. And then, I realised that it was because they enjoyed me telling them stories about what was going on in and around me. Not that I mind, but my mouth started to get very tired, so I got them talking instead.

The trick: Vampires - their newfound love/interest.

They started telling me about this Twilight series of novels that they have been reading, introducing the characters, Bella, Jaccob and etc... It was quite funny observing them (I was sitting at the back), how they were discussing about the characters and etc etc... it was as if, those characters were really people and it was as if, they knew them (the characters). I had a great time observing and listening to the twist of the stories. I actually felt like I was attending some orientation to be part of the Vampire gang.

After finishing the first parts of the story, Gladys revealed that she liked such fantasy stories. So did Terri.. and then we talked about Harry Potter. Well, I was crazy about Harry Potter. In a way, still is. :) So we talked about Harry Potter until we arrived in Malacca.

-----

During the drive back from Malacca, I asked Gladys to tell me why we would need a half human, half vampire (according to the Twilight series). She said that she was not a story teller (like real!!) and she was not free to story me (because she was trying to find her way to the highway back to KL). So I turned to Terri. Terri, always being the kindest, then storied me. Gladys, despite declaring that she was not free, was off and on adding the bits and pieces of the story of what Terri missed. Hahaha.. she knew the story so well, and she could not resist! At the end, Terri AND Gladys storied me almost the entire whole series. They even told me to go google Jacob something.. that he is a hunk! Hilarious.. :D Well, I don't like competition or to share, so I guess I'd just stick to my Kevin Cheng.. Lols.

At the End

We arrived at KL at about 10pm something. I dropped Terri home before heading off to Klang for a temple thing with my family.

Although we were all very tired at the end of the day, I believed we enjoyed ourselves very much. I know I did. I already said that in my last entry, didn't I? I loved the ride to Malacca, the story-telling, the food, the singing (though it did get a little boring after a while), the photo-shooting (yes I did take some pictures), the walk at Jonkers Street and most importantly, the laughters and fun which accompanied us throughout the day. Oh yes, before I forget, you could read another version of our day at Redbabe's blog (she's Gladys, by the way).

Did I mention, we are meeting this Thursday to watch "Twilight" the movie together? *winks*

Joyful, Joyful!

I had a joyful day today.. started joyfully early mornin'. Finally had an appointment with Hari you see, and blessed with many of his wise words, guidance and loving healing :). Even Navitha (the volunteer at Irah) commented that I looked so joyful after stepping out from the session with Hari. So blessed! So joyful!

I proceeded to pick Thea up from school. Walked around and about in SP, trying to find something to buy with RM20 Parkson Vouchers which expires in November. Found nothing, but still joyful.

Came home after Nicole's (Thea's friend at school) birthday party. Had lunch with hubby and talked and talked and talked - he was really interested in what Hari had to share with me.

He asked me, "did you ask Hari about our issues?"

First thing that crossed my mind, "erm, was there an issue?!?" but I said, "no wor.. I forgot..."

Then he said, "you see, you see.. you don't love 'us' one you know...."

I burst into laughters!! Lols.

Surprisely, Angeline asked the same thing. Actually, I am not aware if I did or do have a problem with hubby. But if I do, I am not aware of it; and if I did, the issue or so-called problem doesn't seem to exist in my hologram now.

I jokingly told him, "eh, why not YOU go and ask Hari about OUR problem la.. " lols.

Guess what he said?

"Ya, I will."

Shocking, but nice! Just the response I liked to hear. :) Now, isn't that joyful? :D

Tried to take a nap with Thea. But she refused to sleep because she was too excited as Joelle (also Thea's friend from school and apparently, her current BFF - 'Best Friend Forever') was coming over later in the evening. I insisted that she slept and threatened I'd cancel her play date with Joelle if she didn't nap. Didn't work. And guess what, I myself kinda nearly fall asleep while she pretended to be asleep and when I opened my eyes to check if she has really fallen asleep, I found her sneaking away from me quietly on the bed to get out out bed!! Lols. I didn't know whether to be angry or to laugh! I called out to her and she immediately went into a sleepy position quickly to pretend to be asleep again! Lols. Just so you know, it happened a few times. It was hilarious!! After 1.5 hours, I joyfully gave up! How joyful to experience how sneakily smart my little girl can be! Lols.

Joelle came and left. And I had to attend the Sri Kuala Lumpur Graduation Night 2009 at Grand Dorsett, Subang (formerly known as Sheraton Subang). What I thought would be a night of obligation turned out to be really fun, heartwarming and joyful! I met some of my old teachers there and they actually REMEMBERED me after all these years (taking into account the number of students they come across after 15 years)!! What joy I felt!! Witnessed the Multimedia Presentations by the talented and creative Form 5ers introducing each and every of the classmates in the respective classes and special messages for the teachers and the school - absolutely touching and joyful! And oh, how I enjoyed the company of those that I sat with throughout the night! Absolutely a wonderful joyful experience! They consist of my Alumni committee including the Advisor, her spouse and a little boy (13 years). We made fun of each other and laughed so much. It was truly, truly joyful!!! :D

When I was on my way home, hubby was on the way home from work too! How joyful! He said he was hungry, so I accompanied him while he ate his supper and we chatted and chatted and chatted about how our day went. So, so romantic and joyful... :)

And it is time to sleep now. Being able to joyfully write this peace of entry is another joyful experience. :) And you know what else I am joyfully looking forward to besides a good night's sleep? It's tomorrow. I am going to Malacca with the girls for day trip. Now, isn't that another reason to be joyful, joyful, joyful??? :D

Have a joyful weekend everybody!! I know for sure I will. :D

Joyfully signing off... Joyful night to you and joyful dreams. :D

Children of Our Own II

You know what, today when I went to pick up Thea from school today, one of the parents (let's call her Parent 1) there asked me,

"Eh, Gerry.. the other day you were not feeling well right... is there another one coming arr?"

Just so you know, I brought the 500D with me and started clicking at baby Ismee (one of Thea's friend's baby sister).

I said,

"No lah!"

Then, one of the other parent (Parent 2) pointed at herself (Parent 2), another parent (Parent 3) and me.

I then asked,

"what?"

Then Parent 2 (who pointed) said,

"no... we stop production already, don't want to have anymore. one sudah cukup."

I smiled and nodded.

Then Parent 1 asked me again,

"Eh, but Gerry... one enough ke... you sure arr? I see you like always play with baby only, take picture of baby, smile and talk to baby onli... you like memang like baby lah..."

I smiled and said,

"Ya. I like babies and I like photography. But for now, yes, I don't want anymore babies. I don't know how I'd feel next week, or next month, or next year... but yeah, for today, on the 22nd October 2009, I don't want another kid."

Why am I sharing this? Because, I surprised myself too. Usually, when I answer that kind of question, there exist a kind of guilt or sadness. But today, I felt free and joyful when I gave my answer. As if, really... a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders!

Of course, re-reading my previous entry today made me realise that my sufferings were caused by guilt and mainly for my inability to stay in the present. Did you observe? I was either throdding in the future, or in the past, failing ever to be in the present when the present, the now, is the most real, most solid and ever the only thing that I'd ever need to truthfully face? Amazing! What a revelation!!

I feel great, because at this moment, I am FREE!!! :D

How about you?

Children of Our Own

Yesterday, a few people asked me again if I was planning for a second child. And today, whislt having dinner with Jer Lin, she asked me the same question, again. This topic has been surfacing in my hologram for quite some time now. I know, it is because these thoughts are swimming in my head too. To be honest, I ask myself again and again, if I am ready to have a child? Or, to be more true to myself, if, I really want to have another child.

 

After reading Mun's blog about Children, it reminded me of the times (which was pretty long ago) on how I've always never really wanted a kid. Serious. I love children and I am good with children, but nope.. I don't want any.

 

Of course, I always knew that children came with marriages. But at the back of my mind, I always knew I don't really want children of my own. Again, it is not because I don't love children or whatsoever. I just feel that it is not a safe world to bring up children anymore, and there are many children without parents whom I could love. That aside, 3 months after hubby and I got married, he decided he wanted a baby. I said ok, and got pregnant 3 months later.

 

Please don't get me wrong. Besides the whole pregnancy process, I love the experience of being able to care for Thea. She is my gem, my love. Since the day I took her home from the hospital, I fell immensely in love with her. I don't know how it happened, but it just did and after that, the attachment was so intense that my aunt Eileen made a comment about me once, "It is not she that cannot live without you, it is you who cannot live without her." That, I acknowledge. And I think, until today, it is almost the same.

 

Last night and today, I told hubby this - that there are a few reasons why I would want another child, and another few why I wouldn't want another child: -

 

Why I would want a child

• To correct the things that I did not do right with Thea
• To give Thea a sibling - companionship
• To 'make up' to Gerrard

Why I wouldn't want a child

• I've never really wanted a child of my own to begin with
• I never knew myself, so this time around I'd like to get to know myself first - you know, unlearn the old limitations and conditions which I had earlier lived my life prior to the inward journey that I've recently taken

Initially, I thought that I was afraid to have a child with hubby again, because of a past experience. Maybe it's still there, maybe it's not; I can't really tell for sure. But having another baby now or not, is no longer any of his concern - it's me now; meaning, it is because I want to have it, or not and not about him wanting another baby, and me giving in.

 

People keep asking me, "are you sure?" Really, I don't know. I just know that for now, I don't want to think about it. Well, easier said that done since in one of those moments or another especially when I see mothers with babies, the question pops up in my head again. What I mean to say too is this, I am not planning anymore, but if an accident happen by Divine's Will, then so be it and I will welcome it with all my head. BB once told me, "you think you have a say in this?" How accurately he has put it. It is not. So if it is meant to be, it will happen even without me planning for it.

 

I love Thea. And I love hubby. I love children and all the joy and the lessons and the reminders they bring forth to us, parents and adults. But at this moment, I'd rather explore other creations of God. My only regret, still, is not being able to hold Gerrard in my arms at this instance, and I know, if I chose to have a baby because of this urge, it would be once again, a wrong choice made.

 

To be authentic, I feel scared too by this decision that I stand by at this moment - not to have another baby. Because I am not THAT sure about how I'd feel about it in future - will I regret? will I be too old later if I change my mind? All I know is that for now, I am not ready for another. All I know is that, if I am ultimately blessed with one, I would love and care for him or her with all my heart, just as I did with Thea. No point thinking about the future when it is not here, when 'NOW' is all I have, right?

 

Many moments in a day, I find myself coming in terms with myself of what I think, what I feel and what I experience. Just like at this moment, it is already 3:19am and I still can't sleep. Sometimes, it is peaceful. Somtimes, I query. And sometimes, I hate it.. due to the limitations of the physical body.

 

So I don't understand this too.. why is it conditioned that a couple who is married must be blessed with a child to be complete? A monk at Chetawan Temple once told me this - Buddha said, "a woman only knows of true love, when she has a child". My guess is that he is referring to unconditional love. I thought so too.. because Mother's Love is supposed to be unconditional, right? And then Angeline wisely shared with me that even Mother's Love is conditional, and not unconditional - because that Love is only present because that child is yours, hence the conditional. Ironic. And yet, a mother's love is the closest that you could ever get to unconditional love.

 

It has indeed been, and still is a beautiful and wonderful experience - being a mother, that is. And, I would not trade it for another experience since I have already tasted this. But this also doesn't mean that I am asking for a repeat experience, no matter how other people tell me how different a second, a third or a fourth one may be. I am appreciative. grateful and happy with just this one, with my baby Thea. And really, that is enough for me, for now...

 

It's time to stop now. Good night. :)

1st Time at the Gym

Hah! Don't be conned! It is NOT my first time at the gym, but my first time at the gym after MANY MANY MOOOOOOOOOOOOONSS!! Lols.

I have been lazy. I admit it. I also have things that I prefer to do other than sweating my butt out at the gym. I know it is good for me, but so? I like to eat my nasi lemak at Uncle Lim's, go shop around in Parkson, chit chat with the ladies over at the Clarins counter, read my book at the mamak or at Uncle Lim's, look-see look-see what new books MPH has, do my editing or writing work WHILE waiting for Thea to finish class. So? So?

Seriously.. who is questioning me? :/

Obviously, I am questioning myself. I don't understand why. I was so "gian" (meaning "eager" in hokkien) to  exercise, go to the gym, lose weight, feel fit again for the 1st quarter of the year (must be overbrew from last year's losing weight sprint) and then after that I was giving myself 1001 excuses NOT to go to the gym.. Wanna know what the excuses were? Here, let me share some of them with you: ~

1. Hubby around - need to spend time with him
2. Meeting Angeline for breakfast
3. Leg pain
4. Just washed my hair the night before
5. Just did facial the day before
6. Lazy to pack my gym bag
7. Got editing/writing work to do
8. This book very interesting to read - inspired to finish reading the book
9. Don't feel like it
10. Period coming
11. Period is here
12. Period just finished
13. No gang - lonely
14. ...

I know.. lame excuses right? Hehehe.. I think so too.. but really just not in the mood.. so how?!? Maybe I am not honest enough. You see, the last time I had to lose weight because hubby was complaining. So, I was doing it for him - entirely missing the mark, AGAIN!!! tsk, tsk, tsk... But now that hubby is no longer complaining and completely loving me, erm, I think.. I find no motivation to work at it anymore! My gosh, how this mind works!!! ARGH!!!

Anyway, I made an appointment for this free Personal Training (PT) session for this morning. To be honest, this appointment, has been made and cancelled, made and cancelled, made and cancelled for many, many times. Excuses - sick, overslept, not free... until the poor trainer also fed-up.. hahhaa.. And you want to know the best part? I am always the one who walks to the counter to make the appointment each time.. you see la.. embarassing or not.. Lols

So last night, I decided that I will stick to this appointment. What I thought would have been an Indian trainer, turned out to be a Chinese trainer who is really young. Probably about 20+, wears specs (I have a thing for guys with specs), and erm, pretty cute.. Lols. He asked me why I don't like weights. I told him that I don't like the after effects of it - the pain and aches.. so he was pretty gentle with me on the weights.. the minute I showed my face, he would either say, "ok ok.. five more only" or immediately loosen the weights if I had not started on the reps. Cute.. but what a way to NOT lose weight and get fit! Lols.

At the end of the session, I insisted on knowing my current weight. As expected, I weighed about 58.1 kg. Real DISAPPOINTMENT!!! I was 57.5kg just last month! And my aim was to be at least 54kg by year end... sighs... but then again, how could I be anywhere near the 'desired' weight when I don't even work at it?!?! Sometimes, I am shocked with myself. :p As usual, the colourful charts pasted on the walls indicated that while I was in the ideal range of BMI (Body Mass Index - I still don't really know what this is), I have an excess fat of xx% (sorry, this has to be a secret!). So I have 2 choices now - Choice no. 1: Love my excess fats OR Choice no. 2: WORK AT IT!!! GRRRRRRR.....

Hmm, can I choose both? Ironically, I am in the mood to 'move' my body now. When I remember how good it makes me feel after a workout session, be it dancing, walking, jogging, swimming, weights or simply just stretching, it motivates me to continuously do it - because I enjoy the experience of it. But when I totally forget and entirely absorbed in the moment of laziness 'NOW', I realise that I don't let go of anything but 'me' and not in a very healthy way... :(

Life could be a balance. In fact, it is always about balancing, but we normally swing from one end of the pendulum to the other and when we realised that we are at the other end, we work towards the other end - and most of time, miss the middle path, where everything is just constant and just is. And it is silly to think that we can do something for someone, or for that someone to do something back to or for us. Yeah, I was silly.. because whether I exercise or not - the healthy and fit body belongs to me, and no one else!

So ya.. today is my first time at the Gym after many many moons, may I have the discipline to continue this journey of honouring the body and uplifting myself along the way - for no one else, but me! :)

Love.

The Recovery & Relationships

I am feeling much better today. At least when I woke up this morning, I didn't feel dizzy, nauseous or even weak. The neck and shoulders are still aching a little but then the headache is gone. Isn't that great?!?

I very obediently took the chinese medication offered by the Chinese doctor. It only cost RM10. Cheap huh? On top of that, it is THAT effective - either that, or my mind has just decided to give my poor physical body a break.. hahaha..

Hubby worked yesterday, so he didn't pay much attention to me. Because when he came back, he 'had to' sleep; then when he woke up, he 'had to' go to the pasar malam (under my instructions, that is) which resulted me in going with him too because I wanted to spend some time with him but didn't materialised because my in laws turned up for dinner earlier than usual hence we all went to pasar malam together; then we had to eat dinner; then he 'had to' watch football; and I 'had to' go to sleep because I was feeling a little dizzy already.. :(

Made me realised that I have been yearning to want to spend time with him, and eventhough he is around me, I just don't feel that he is around me. :( 

And then before I officially closed my eyes to visit dreamland, I read. By Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy: -

"If you say you love your husband, what does that have to do with him? You're just telling him who you are. You tell the story of how he's handsome and fascinating and sexy, and you love your story about him. You're projecting that he's your story. And then when he doesn't give you what you want, you may tell the story of how he's mean, he's controlling, he's selfish--and what does that have to do with him? If my husband says, "I adore you," I think, Good. I love that he thinks that I'm his sweet dream. How happy he must feel about that! If he were ever to come to me and say, "The sorriest day of my life was when I married you," still, what would that have to do with me? He'd just be in a sad dream this time, and I might think, Oh, poor baby, he's having a nightmare. I hope he wakes up soon. It's not personal. How can it have anything to do with me? I love him, and if what he says about me isn't true in my experience, I'll ask him if there's anything I can do for him. If I can do it, I will, and if it's not honest for me, I won't. He is left with his story.

No one will ever understand you. Realising this is freedom. No one will ever understand you--not once, not ever. Even at our most understanding, we can only understand our story of who you are. There's no understanding here except your own.

If you don't love another person, it hurts, because love is your very self. You can't make yourself do it. But when you come to love yourself, you automatically love the other person. Just as you can't make yourself love us, you can't make yourself not love us. It's all your projection.

When you truly love someone, a thought like "You should love me" just brings laughter to your heart. Can you hear the arrogance of that thought? "I don't care whom you want to love. You should love me, and I'll even trick you into it." It's the oppposite of love. If I think my husband should love me, I'm insane. Whose business is it whom he loves? His, of course. The turnarounds are all I need to know: I should love me, and I should love him. Let him love whomever he loves--he's going to anyway. The story of whom someone should love keeps me from the awareness that I am what I'm seeking. It's not his job to love me--it's mine.

There's nothing you can do with love. All you can do is experience it. That's as intimate as you can ever be with another human being. You can hug him, you can kiss him, you can pack him up, take him home, cuddle him, feed him, give him your money, give him your life--and that's not it. Love is nothing you can demonstrate or prove. It's what you are. It's not a doing, it can't be "done", it's too vast to do anything with. As you open to the experience of love, it will kill who you think you are. It will have no other. It will kill anything in its way.

Once you give yourself to love, you lose your whole world as you perceive it. Love leaves nothing but itself. It's totally greedy; it has to include it all; it will not leave out even a shadow of itself. And everything else falls away, and you're like a tree losing its leaves in autumn, so beautifully. Our pain is in denying love. A boundary is an act of selfishness. There's nothing you wouldn't give to anyone if you weren't afraid. Of course, you can't be generous ahead of your time. But when you meet your thoughts with understanding, you discover that there's nothing to lose. So eventually there's no attempt at protection. Giving everything you have becomes a priviledge.

The only true love affair is the one with yourself. I am married to me, and that's what I project onto everyone. I love you with all my heart; you don't even have to participate, so there's no motive in "I love you". Isn't that fine? I can love you completely, and you have nothing to do with it. There's nothing you can do to keep me from the intimacy that I experience with you.

When I say "I love you", it's self love. There's no personality talking: I'm only talking to myself. Love is so self-absorbed that it leaves no room for any other. It's self-consuming, always. There's not a molecule separate from itself. In the apparent world of duality, people are going to see it as a you and a me, but in reality there is only one. And even that isn't true.

The voice within is what I'm married to. All marriage is a metaphor for that marriage. When I make a commitment, it's to my own truth and there's no higher or lower. "Will you have this man to be your husband?" "I will. And I may change my mind." That's as good as it gets. I'm married only to God--reality. That's where my commitment is. It can't be to a particular person. And my husband wouldn't want it any other way.

Unless you marry the truth, there is no real marriage. Marry yourself and you have married us. We are you. That's the cosmic joke."

*Excepts from A Thousand Names for Joy by Byron Katie*

I know this is a little long, and I hope that you have read them word for word. This is definitely not the first time I've heard this. BB has repeated them to me many, many times.. and although I intellectually understand it, I cannot fully realise it yet.

Clearly, I am not loving to myself at this instance, which is why I think I need hubby to love me. Or perhaps, I want to love myself, but don't know how to, which is why I think I need hubby to love me. And then there's another part of me that argues, "he is my hubby! he has to love me! if not, get married for WHAT?!?!?! be together for WHAT?!?!?"

To be honest, I don't know. I don't know why people get married. I don't know why I got married. I only remembered that it seemed like a logical thing to do. And then after last year's experience, it made me realised that marriage is just a state of mind, and that I derive no additional benefits from being his wife other than: -

1. his money (cheh, even not married, he can still give me money right?)
2. status of a pilot's wife
3. free flight tickets
4. discounted flight tickets

Other than that, the marriage doesn't really seem to serve us in any other way. Because, all other things (besides Thea) remains either constant, or not - which is very similar to a couple relationship not married!

I also wonder at times... a couple fight so hard to live together, and yet when they are together, they experience sweetness for that few months, and after that, the monster side surfaces - as if, quite intentionally wanting to destroy the marriage which they had fought so hard for, with their own bare hands - and yet, blaming the other party for the failure.

I wonder, why is it so hard to take responsibility, why is it so hard to turn inwards, why is it so hard to question ourselves and make that change within us... why is it that although help, support or love is right in front of us, we can't see it, totally oblivious to what it can offer us...

There's truly no one out there except our own projections. When I remember that, it is easy to turn in the radar. But I too, forget.. what more the people who are not in the journey...

Down Time! Down Time!

The day after my 1st QiGong class (which was yesterday) - you wouldn't believe it, I fell sick. I woke up feeling nauseous, dizzy, coupled with head-aches, neck-aches, shoulder-aches, joint-aches, even teeth-aches.. yah, all the aches you can imagine!! Hubby was kind. He woke up earlier, told me to rest and fetched Thea to school while I rested at home. But came 12pm, same same la.. that fella go play golf, and I had to go pick Thea up from school. The journey, I tell you.. was suffering. Aches became pain - like real chronic pain which were like spasms in nature, which allowed me moment-to-moments of 'rest' - kononlah.. I was struggling hard between not puking, not fainting and not giving way. Difficult task - especially when your daughter says she doesn't want to go home yet!

What disappointed me most at that point in time was, knowing that I am like really physically sick my hubby still went to play golf. I virtually felt like a bloody victim. Thoughts that ran my mind were amazing... wanna leave him la.. useless bozo la... don't care for me la.. don't love me la... and these trails went on and on.. with hatred, anger and sadness..

And then Angel called me and asked me, "eh, BB ask you what you resisting to the trip?" You see, I was supposed to go on a trip with the C&C gang. I have been looking forward to it and even borrowed my dad's 500D so that I could learn a thing or two from BB (he owns a 500D too). I even got ready Boon Ling's birthday present (her birthday is at the end of the month) and Steven's granddaughter's gift (his daughter just gave birth to a baby girl)! I got everything ready! Everything... except my body.. or should I say, that part of mental state?!? I was even planning to bring 10 packets of Cafe 21 too (Angel & I like Cafe 21)! Obviously, I had to back out from the trip because I am still unwell. And you know, I was supposed to be one of the driver... :(

My whole body is still aching, my head and neck and shoulders are still heavy, I don't feel like eating, or drinking... and honestly, I feel like dying... :(

And since today is Deepavali, I guess I'd be missing out on all the Indian food and murukkus as well...

If you are wondering if I went to see a doctor.. yes, I did. A Chinese doctor. I've decided that I ought to give Chinese medicine a try since I have been on Western medicine ALL THE TIME and all it does is suppress or cure my symptoms. I've heard and read that Chinese medication not only cures the symptoms, but also re-balances the insides - whatever that means. I received 3 opinions on the possibilities of why I fell sick: -

1. Chinese doctor said, "maybe a lot of people at the QiGong place are not well, and you took it on."
2. Guy who pack Chinese medicine said, "aiya.. you overexert yourself during QiGong..."
3. MIL told hubby, "I think ar.. she must have on the aircon after QiGong or shower after QiGong, is it??"

Hmm... all also sounds very reasonable possibilities.. but seriously, what is the point of reasoning it when I am already at this stage... sighs....

C&C gang, I wish you wonderful and joyous moments together during the trip! :)

To all my friends who are celebrating Deepavali or not, may the light of which Deepavali represents, brings to us all, a passage filled with clarity, right understanding, wisdom, love, joy, good health and all, that will lead us to where we are one... :)

My 1st QiGong Class

Tonight was my first attempt at QiGong. I was, by no surprise, the youngest there. I kinda had to join this Shinen QiGong Association I think.. to learn it, but it was ok since it was only a one time fee and a very minimal monthly fee.

The man who guided me through was Simon. He loved to share about QiGong and I could tell that he is really passionate about it although I seem to have a perception (after meeting his wife tonight, that is) that his wife is more allowing with the flow of Chi.

I have had wonderful experiences with Simon within a span of less than 48 hours (I met him yesterday for some theory part of QiGong).  I don't really know how to put them in words in writing, and even when I expressed the experiences verbally to BB or Angel, I doubt that they find it funny.. but I still found it funny enough to enjoy my own laugh. In fact, as I am typing this, remembering the experiences - I am still laughing about it.. in a good and joyful way. :)

In today's session, he taught us the techniques.. or rather, as what he would call them, the method, coupled with some other exercises for the shoulders and the spine. Believe it or not, while I was doing the shoulder exercises, which I think was called the "Sheng Chi", I could feel the 'Chi' going into my palms, up my arms and circulating within me to a point of numbness in my face area and entire body. Simon taught us, that if we feel tired at our shoulders' area, we could take a rest by placing our palms (our palms had to be faced outwards during the "Sheng Chi" exercise) inwards onto our navel area to contain the 'Chi' rather than waste them by shaking them away. The more I contained the 'Chi' into my navel aread whenever I was tired (and also because I was 'kiasu'), I felt like I was about to burst!!! When I shared my experience with him, he kinda just looked at me, and smiled. I didn't really quite understand that, but what I got was that I was not able to contain all the 'Chi' I was 'accumulating' or, that I had too much 'Bad Chi' in me that the 'Good Chi' could not be contained!! When I shared with him of what I thought, he laughed a little, shooked his head and said, "Don't know." I was quite shocked! But he did advise me to 'ground' the 'Chi' which to me, was more like sending the 'Chi' back to Mommi Earth.. ;p

Well, I would say that a lot of terms used although were new terms used, but not that new in my context for they are the same divinely. I find QiGong interesting, but also a little slow.. but then again, it is just too early to say or judge or perceive anything. Who knows, I might turn out to be a fanatic of QiGong!!

And so, the result of tonight's session is that I am feeling kinda tired now.. Hubby commented that I looked flushed after I came back from QiGong. Whatever that may mean; I wanna go to bed now.

Night night! :)

Canon Vs Nikon

Surprisingly, reading the reviews on Canon vs Nikon non judgmentally allowed me to see that pictures taken with a Nikon is indeed more vivid and outstanding. I've always been a Canon fan. I used to own a Nikon film camera and they take splendid pictures with an ISO 400 film. But eversince don't know when, we just switched to Canon and it was Canon all the way.

This morning, I had breakfast with hubby and a dear friend, Phua who started sharing about his new camera, the Nikon D90, which is apparently comparable to the Canon 500D. That conversation set doubts to my little head to the output generated by Nikon and triggered a memory of one of our new found friend, Anand who shared that Nikon's output is indeed better. After researching and reading reviews on both the camera brands, I now understood why most professionals carry a Nikon rather than a Canon. Even my dear friend in Australia, Allan carries a Nikon.

Bee kept asking me, "Cheh, are you going to make money out of it? If not, your G10 is sufficient... if not, a 500D is good enough for you.. in fact, after you have set your hands on a 500D, there is no turning back because you will just go on and on to get so many lens to fulfil your thirst... " What wisdom relating to desire and greed.. hehehe..

After much research, I decided that 500D was not good enough for me because I craved for the 50D which would give me speed. Downside is that it doesn't give me as much ISO as the 500D and is slightly heavier than the 500D. I am talking about Canon here... I haven't done much research on Nikon cameras despite the results of output. Phua is trying hard to lure me into getting a Nikon on the stands that we could share our lenses.. hahaha.. but I have too many Canons on my side here too.. gosh, what amount of choices I have!!

Another old friend, Angeline (from Ipoh) asked if I was considering a new camera. I guess she must be keeping up with me on my new thirst for cameras... Thanks Angeline!! But the truth is, not really.. although I would love to own a DSLR. Don't know why, after toying around with dad's 500D, the G10 just doesn't interest me much although the quality of pictures are still as amazing as ever!

So, I am just toying around with the researches and reviews for the fun of it. No big plans.. but I wouldn't mind being surprised by a unit one day. :)

A Letter to a Beloved.

Dear Gerrard,

Are you there? Can you hear me? I miss you. I know, that it seems silly to even have these feelings, but I do although I am quite sure I am not missing you from the space of ever had you; more like from the space of could have had, but never had...

Gerrard, are you well? I know you are. You have never been hurt. It is me that carry the burden, that I had hurt you, I had gave you up. And you know Gerrard, just last Wednesday, when I spoke to Daddy, I realised that I had never really grieved over you. I had never fully cried for you, never fully got over you... And it has been now, over a year, yet this guilt, this burden, this hurt, this anger, this hatred - they are still so present right here in my heart, as if it happened yesterday... no, more like just an hour ago.

I remember the last time I saw you as a life... You were moving your little legs and your little hands, as if waving to me, saying hello to me so excitedly... and yet a few days later, I had to let you go...

I am sorry Gerrard, for not having the courage. I am so so sorry, for being such a coward. I was just too afraid to lose him, that I chose to let you go. I was just too afraid for things to change, to be alone, that I chose to forego you. At that time, I told myself that it would be for the better... it was a chance I had to take. And yet today, the guilt buries me. So deep, so painful, so real...

I know Gerrard. I know that you had come to me to tell me in so many ways, that it's all meant to be. I know, because even the Masters told me that we didn't share a fate together, or that your soul had not come in; but still, I cannot forgive myself. I still cannot let you go, eventhough I could rationalise it. And even if you came to my dreams a thousand times, a zillion times telling me, 'Mommi, I am ok. I love you.', how do I really know???

It is a cruel thing that happened. And, it was a cruel thing that I did. I chose, for my own selfishness. I chose, to revenge, and not love. Oh Gerrard, mommi is so lost... if only, Gerrard.. if only I was wiser then, if only I had the courage then... I would have you with me now, I would be holding you in my arms now, breastfeeding you, nurturing you as a life. I told Aunty Angel last night, if you were still here, you would have been 7 months and 3 weeks old... You would have been my pride and joy, just like your sister, Thea. If only, I have had the courage...

Daddy said the other day, that he is now ready to have another baby. But I am too afraid. I am too afraid, Gerrard. I don't have faith. I don't have trust. I don't dare to have another into my life. What if I failed again, what if I am asked to make that choice again, what if, I runaway again.. and what if, it is you again... how could I live with myself, abandoning yet another soul, or life... or abandoning you, twice?

I want to fully grief for you now, Gerrard, because I had never grieved. I want to fully cry, fully feel the hurt, the anger, the hatred, the sadness for losing you, because I never did that. I don't want to sweep them until the carpet anymore... I don't want to bury them anymore... because I want to honour you, and I want to acknowledge you, my son... 

I am sorry, Gerrard... I am so so sorry... and apart of me, I feel so sorry for myself, too. I am so sorry that I had let you go, and I am so sorry that I quickly buried you aside, and I am so sorry for pretending that I am healed, and well.

I am sorry for taking it out on Daddy.. for blaming him that he was the cause of my pain. I am sorry for telling him that I don't love him, or even treating him as if I don't... I am sorry for even thinking about leaving him... I know, I know.. that would have made your sacrifice, or rather my sacrifice... worthless...

Last night, I asked your sister, Thea, "Where is Gerrard?" and she pointed up the ceiling and said, "Overthere, mommi!" and I asked her, "Is he here to take care of you?" She shook her head and said, "no, mommi.. he is here to take care of you..." My heart broke to a million pieces, as if blown by a powerful canon. A spirit, your spirit, has shown me so much grace.

I feel you, Gerrard, I do. Sometimes I feel your presence around... it's like you're still here. Actually, I know you are still around. You have never left me. How could you leave me, when I hang on to you so tightly. So ironic, when I hang on to you, I hang on to Daddy and I ultimately hang on to my own guilt...

And yes, I love you. How could I not. I was so happy when I could see your heart beat. I was so happy when I knew you survived our little trip to Hua Hin eventhough I was bleeding. I was so happy, and at the same time sad, when I saw you waving at me during the checkup when I wasn't eating, drinking or sleeping... simply overwhelmed by the sadness, hatred and anger then... I prayed so hard on the operation table, that you would leave the fetus body just in case you would feel any pain. You did not deserve to feel any pain! You did not deserve what I was about to do to you! You did not deserve a mommi like me... Oh Gerrard, can you feel my pain... can you feel my sadness... can you feel my hurt... and how much I hate myself for it...

My heart aches so badly now, Gerrard.. my tears flowing.. it's been quite some time since I cried.. I hid behind such a strong facade... All just masks, to cover up the sightless part of me...

May you be well and happy, wherever you are, Gerrard. Thank you, for this journey... I love you... Mommi will always, always remember you...

Love, Mommi

Spontaneous Sunday

Today is yet another which I am pretty pleased with the outcome. All thanks to me.. ya, you read right - ME! Nowadays no need to be shy anymore.. because it is me mah.. if not because I am willing, if not because I moved my butt, if not because I said, "let's go", where to find the 'Spontaneous Sunday', right? ;p

I was awaken today by hubby's morning kiss. I could have stayed in bed, but decided to catch breakfast with him since he was going off to work in the afternoon. As brain dead as ever (especially on a non-working Sunday), I shared with him abrupt plans of today which I had not much intention to fulfil. You know, just one of those conversations to let the other party feel that I am not-so-lazy-kind-of-talk?

After breakfast, I lazed a little and started some writing work for C&C. There is an upcoming event, and as usual, I am in charged of writing and editing the biodatas of practitioners. Not difficult though, still pending some information, so although incomplete, completed what I could do on my part.

In the midst of that, hubby left for work... and in between that, I ran out of the study room once in a while, kissed Thea, and ran back to my seat. Yeah, I know.. sounds silly.. now that I am typing this also I think it is silly, but it was FUN!! really... especially when Thea giggles and laughs so happily. It's worth being silly. :)

After that, I entertained Thea for a while. We played barbie dolls, watched tv and talked nonsense. Quite fun, but not enough for me. So I decided to put on a skirt, put Thea and the maid in the car and headed out into the nearby kids' store to buy a table for Thea. I felt that her current table is just too small for her, so after obtaining 'consent' from the Prime Minister, I decided to fulfil the agenda. No stock in KK. We walked out of the store, disappointed. But then again, the table didn't look so attractive anyway, so we (Thea, maid & I) decided to head to Toy'r'us, Subang Parade. Arse luck! Nice table but still too small. Not up to my standard although price was reasonable. So we left for Ikea, just like that - after buying some buns from a bakery in case we got hungry along the way since it might cross over to dinner time (the time then was approximately 430pm).

We enjoyed our walk in Ikea, seeing this and that.. looking out for the big round coloured table that I had in mind for Thea, while at the same time picking up items that interested us into the shopping bag. By the time we reached the cashier, we paid for stuffs that we didn't come to Ikea for because the bloody table that I came to Ikea for was OUT-OF-STOCK!!!! But it was ok la.. I was not so disappointed, because I got to buy other things.. especially this book case for Thea's room! I am excited about it and can't wait to put the pieces all up together in order to put all of Thea's books on it!

FYI, I love books, so it excites me to be able to see books in orderly manner on a book shelf! :D

Probably my activities tpday were not such a big deal today to many people, but it is to me because it all started with a mini-intention to leave home for a mere 15 minutes and resulted in me being away from home for more than 2 hours!! The best part is, I didn't get what I wanted at the end of the day but came back with a whole load of other stuffs which I had planned to get long time ago but never did!! Real ironic!!

Anyway, I had fun. It's a little rambling, I know. But I felt like doing it, doing it now, and still having fun.

I hope you had fun too. Happy Sunday!!