Beyond the Realm of Conscience Episode 19: Friends

Since I have actually completed partial of my work, and have not much inspiration to write on the new topic, I thought I'd better write this entry before I forget or felt uninspired to do so later. ;p

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I've been watching AOD Chanel 901 - Beyond the Realm of Conscience. The drama revolves around the emperor time in China and the politics and survival skills of the servants, officers, concubines and etc etc during that era. Of course, I can't verify the truth. It's just a story. But what interest me in last night's episod is this - you see, there are these 2 ladies. They are like heads of different departments under a division. From episode 1 on, they were not in good terms and kept finding faults in and with each other. In some episodes, some of the servants girls revealed that these 2 ladies used to be really good friends, like sisters... and then don't know what happened, out of some stuffs that happened to each of them resulting in regrets in each of their own lives (one could not meet the one she loves hence had to forgo the relationship & the other could not make it to her mother's deathbed before her mother died), they bore anger towards each other, thinking that it was the others' fault that they could not fulfil their wish. I won't go into details on how it happened, because honestly, I am not so sure myself as the language that they use in this series is extremely formal and a little difficult to understand. But I can guess as much that one has thought that the other had sabotaged her and vice versa. Hence the grudge for 20-over years.

And in last night's episode (episode 19), the 2 ladies finally realised that it was all a misunderstanding! That they were both sabotaged by their Head of division just to retain them in the palace to assist her (the Head of division) due to their talented skills. You see, during that time (or rather, according to the series), when one goes into a palace to serve, it is almost impossible to leave the palace walls until the day they die. So, if the King or the Queen pardons or approves the exit, the servant is considered 'free' and is able to leave the palace and to return to their village of birth. It is considered a rare opportunity. So, these 2 ladies missed their opportunities because the head of division sabotaged them but created the situation in a way that it was done by the each of the ladies to the other as an attempt to avenge. So the misunderstanding went on for more than 20 years and finally the truth was revealed to them by the Head of Division's niece.

Of course, they were angry and pissed... but when they were alone, being able to reflect on their thoughts, they realised they themselves were not entirely innocent too. They pondered and regretted on the level of their own trust onto a friend who was like a sister; for being so easily influenced by others; and the numerous times they later tried to sabotage each other just to get on each other's nerves after that... imagine, for 20-over years... and finally realising that it was all for nothing... nothing ever existed, nothing ever happened to justify such actions of hostility! And, the friendship wrecked; due to lack of trust, lack of understanding - just missing the essence of clarification & clarity.

I know, I may not have presented the story so well and please forgive for being long-winded. I figured that it would be easier to understand if I tried to relate the story before stating my point. You see, after watching that episode, I pondered upon my own experiences with many of my friends whom I had 'fought' with, 'avoided', 'made-up' with and etc. It was sad to think that over something so trival, a friendship could turn so sour due to lack of understanding, lack of trust. From experience, I dare say 'losing' a good friend is one of the most painful experiences in the world.

This, is all part of being 'human'. All part of the game. And it takes a lot of integrity, understanding, strength and courage to want to do things differently, to head towards the direction of clarity, of love. Don't you agree, it is so much easier to 'blame' a friend, rather than to pluck up the courage to call that friend out, face to face, to clarify matters? And even so, don't you think, it takes a lot of strength not to be defensive while the other party is trying to relate his or her story to you, of her innocence, or her 'ignorance' of blaming you for what happened to him or her? Don't you think it would take patience to work the issue backwards, only to find out that it was all just a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, a mis-conception, a mis-perception? And don't you think, after you have fully forgiven each other and most imporatntly yourselves, you hug each other and cry - that it was all worth it???

I have 2 girlfriends (I won't mention names on this one) who had always commented that I was very fake some years back because I never expressed my anger or disappointments towards them whenever it comes to them. Nevermind whether they feel guilty and just want me to give them a piece of my mind (lols). At that time, I bottled everything inside me because I loved them so much... that I felt I was the hero and could resolve anything that I didn't like within me. Of course, today I knew that I was kinda doing the right thing, except that my intention was wrong then. I was keeping those feelings to myself because I didn't want to lose them, failing in an attempt to understand myself or them any better. It was just swept away under the carpet. But today, gracefully I know a little better. :) And because of that, I now enjoy a better, and fuller friendship with them. I don't watch myself like a hawk when I am with them anymore, afraid to burst or something... lols. I just simply be the bimbo that I am when I am with them. ;D

I appreciate that drama series like these can teach us a thing of two. Or at least, just me :D. I like reading and watching tv. Maybe that's why Clove&Clive appointed me to be the Program Manager for the Free Movie event. I just love to share my insights after I've watched a movie, or a show. Even, after reading a book. It's just fulfiling.. :)

To all my friends, I love you. I appreciate you being true to me, and also to yourself. May our 'disagreements' if any, bring us closer in spirit to understanding ourselves even better, at a deeper level. Love, Love, Love... :)