Clarification

I've just realised that not EVERYBODY would understand my basis of sharing on my blog. Some think that it is good sharing, some think that it is the journey of a person on her spiritual path, some think of it as washing dirty laundry in the public... And of course, there is always this counter argument that 'It is MY BLOG!'. Right?

But you see, I don't see it that way. While my entries do serve in a way as a 'diary' to me, if you have to call it that way, it is a reminder to me, and to others (if I am lucky) of an inward journey.

I know that sometimes I write aimlessly, directing no where of a day's outing, a day's experience. But most times, I consciously write from my heart, as a channel, an instrument to share what I've experienced, what I've learnt. I guess sometimes I forget that not everybody is on their inward journey, as I am. It is easy to forget especially when all that happens to me, happens for me. And I find that usually, as I start typing my entries, the answers do come along the way. How my guilt had overwhelmed me, yet freed me. How I was unsure of things that were happening (or more rightfully, the mind projecting), the ideas churning behind it. It's all in the Mind.

Many people think that they are their minds, they associate so closely 'I think', 'I feel', 'I', 'I', I''... but who is the 'I' but a story. And due to the constraint of time and space, or perhaps my lack of faith that people who'd actually sit down and read what I had to truly share about what I had learnt about the Mind - it'd bore them to death, or shy them away. And that's, not what I would want.

I've been guided to share, to write. I guess this is one of the best gift I am blessed with albeit the lack of accuracy in grammar or the volume of vocabulary. But I try. From the bottom of my heart, I do try. I choose to share my experiences instead of writing in more generic terms because I am aware the people receive messages in stories better. Would you read a self-help book, or a storybook? After reading Stephenie Meyer's books, I'd dare say so myself it is the story that makes it addictive to keep me flipping the page. In a self-help book, it is addictive to me when I am looking for answers. And I do have answers. But I lack the ability to express it in the way the authors' do. If I could, I think, perhaps I'd be rich by now.

I can't say I know a lot. But I do know enough for now. And what I share in my entries, if one was in their own inward path, would understand (or at least, I hope) that there is no one out there that could make him or her, or ME for that matter upset, happy, angry, joyful, sad or at peace. When a Master says, 'it's all in the Mind", although there is some truth in it, but it is not exactly the way you think it is. Do you even know where YOUR mind is? And if you are aware of the Mind, then are you aware that You are NOT your mind? We keep on saying, "my mind" because we are responsible for it. Same like a child. He or she IS your responsibility and duty to educate and nurture, but he or she DOES NOT belong to you. If he or she did, you'd seriously be in deep trouble! Ok, that was a joke! Lols.

Just a start. Notice in yourself if you usually play a victim, rescuer or prosecutor role to yourself and others in your life. When you tend to 'help' someone, are you helping that person or are you helping yourself? Could you see that, you feel 'bad' or 'upset' that a person was in trouble, and that when you 'help' that person, that person feels better, and you'd begin to feel better too? Have you noticed that in yourself? I have. That is what we call it the Triangle Prison. And by that, I do not mean that we don't 'help' others. But we do have to remember or be mindful that we could only share our ideas, and if that person is willing to accept your ideas, then that person is, in truth, helping himself and you had played no part in it, except to share your views. Ok, you might argue that, if you didn't share your views, then that person may not even had that option. But think about it again, had there been times, perhaps many many times that when you shared your ideas of what people should do, ought to do, could do, and people are totally oblivious to what you say? That's more that I could add to it. But seriously, how do I summarise everything here, when there is actually so, so much more.

The journey is paradoxical. I used to see anger, hatred, sadness and all negative feelings as big, big taboos that I'd hide them and sweep them under the carpet. But now, as they come, although I do admit the resistant attitude (from awareness), I welcome them. They give me a glimpse of the shit I had sown in the Mind when I was still 'asleep'. And do you know what I mean by being 'asleep'? No, no.. I am not saying that I am awaken, but I am in the journey of awakening. A lot of people misunderstand the concept of 'enlightenment'. Until now, there is still no sure to know exactly what it actually is. Only an enlightenment being knows, and that too, is hard to be put into words.

I just want to clarify that what I share from my journey in these entries with anyone who happens to read my blog is from my heart. They don't mean to offend, belittle or put down anyone. They serve as a sharing of my experiences and my realisations in the hope that if you too, resonate with my experiences that my realisations may support you on your inward journey.

I don't know even, if I should apologise. To apologise, would separate us. Separate us from the right and the wrong. Ahh... such is this world of duality. But if it does make anyone who had misunderstood my entries feel any better - I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you - from the bottom of my heart. Truly, even in times, when the Mind perceives you as someone for me to blame, the scapegoat for me to runaway from my pain. Because, I already know better.

Namaste.