It has been almost a month since the procasination. I've decided to let go of the business to one of my partner who wants to give it a shot. I will not be taking back any money invested; while many tell me I am being stupid because I should be "sort of" selling my shares to her, I am giving her everything. On top of that, I also assured her that whenever she needed my help. I will try my very best to be there for her.
After much analysis, the business should go on. The only reasons why it should be shut down is because it is lack of additional capital to do more, and I am very very tired. As much as my heart tells me that I do not want to let go, but my head constantly reminds me of how hard I've tried and that I am a failure.
The trip to Beijing with Thea was educational. Because I was able to spend so much time with her alone, I had managed to make several observations about her which broke my heart. She was most of the time insecure, quiet and very reserved. She would not play with other children and would take the longest time for us to persuade her to come down from her stroller to experience the playground. She would even cry when she is taking her shower which she loves so much when she is home. She was clinging on to me so badly and would cry even if I left her sight just to pee! Hubby told me that she was not like that at home. I then realised that it was my doing... that I left her solely with the maid eversince she started walking and totally lost touch with her. To be honest, I actually missed her first step... In Beijing, we both never really had a good night sleep because she would wake up in the middle of the night, just to make sure I am beside her and hold on to me very very tightly which left me in a very difficult position to go back to sleep. The good thing was, she learnt more words before she came back to Malaysia; because I read to her a lot more, talked to her a lot more and was just with her. Her confidence grew even more when she saw her daddi and we all stayed with him at the hotel. I guess she is the happiest and most secure when she is with both her mommi and daddi.
I've decided to take some time off anything just to focus on her. She did the most wonderful thing yesterday. She came to me during her milk time and handed me her hanky and milk bottle and just laid on her mattress waiting for me to feed her. Usually, the maid fed her because I am at work. It melted my heart and made me realise that actually the more I am with her, the more and faster she learns and grows up. Hubby told me actually she has been growing... it's just that I've been missing out because I was working... I am glad I have the chance again...
But sadly, I will have to resume to workforce shortly. After sorting out the business, and taking a short break, I will have to contribute in bringing back the dough. I don't want to put all the burden on hubby; and worst... make my MIL worry. My MIL has a thing of always worrying and her health is not fantastic. Again, I am going to miss her... I just hope that I am not missing out on too much, and that the new job that awaits me will allow me some flexibility of time to do more for my family besides bringing back additional income.
No comments:
Post a Comment