I received two sad news yesterday. One in the morning, and one in the evening. The morning one was about an ex-colleague of mine, well, actually, a staff of my dad's company; her hubby who is a parkinson patient, fell and passed away. The evening one was about a distance relative - my uncle's wife's uncle's wife's daughter - someone I've not met before. I met my uncle's wife's uncle's wife, Aunty Lynn, before I delivered Thea. She is a pleasant lady, and shared her experiences with me in her process of adopting her daugher, Marsha, I think... an Indonesian girl. She quit her job to care for Marsha when she was a little infant although she is not her flesh and blood... and the sad news yesterday evening was - Marsha passed away from an asthma attack that led to her being in a coma.
My mom was the one who broke me the evening news. She sounded sad, and I knew she sounded sad because she felt for Aunty Lynn. It was indeed sad news... both of the morning and the evening. Both people were young and had people who loved them so much. Before my conversation with my mom ended, she told me, "Life is so short and unpredictable, go do what you want to do as long as they dont harm and hurt other people, and appreciate those around you... "
I couldn't sleep last night. I think the excitement of the two projects I had embarked on took a hold of me. One is near to completion, while the other has past preliminary and is now in the set-up stage. And as I was thinking and thinking and thinking... I thought bout the news.
I was thinking... if I died... how would I feel? And then laughed at my own silliness because how could I feel a thing when I am dead ! And then I thought about the people around me, people that I love and care about so much and their reactions, feelings and thoughts if anything were to happen to me.
Let's omit about the way I die. I pray that if that should happen, the ordeal of it would not make any of my loved ones feel bad or sad about the way it happened. And dont get me wrong, I am in no way planning my own death. I just want to be ready for it... which reminds me, I've really got to get started on writing my will...
I thought back on my whole life, my experiences and my life today. Sincerely, there is nothing I would change about it. Be it that I still look pregnant after giving birth to my precious almost 9 months ago, unemployed, don't own my dream car and have not experienced a white christmas - I love my life! I have given my best to the people that I've loved and cared for, and whilst there's always more to come, I have never held anything back. All that I've done and said, in whatever way I could and did... I wouldn't have done it any other way. I've learned through bad lessons and I've survived through situations. I'm also not saying that there is nothing left to learn... but what I'm trying to say is that my soul and spirit is rich.. well, at least to my standards. I've lived my life to the fullest with the every breath that I take in! There is and would be no regrets. I've got great relationships with my dad, mom, two brothers, my loving hubby, my relatives, my friends, even my maid! and aaaahhh.... how could I leave out... my little one... I've got my little precious angel...
Well, perhaps if I did have to name a regret I'd leave behind, it would be her. I would feel bad if my eyes closed before my little one grew up to be her destined beautiful self. And then again... I guess I could also linger around to be her guardian angel... and to always watch over her and my darling hubby .
So... really, if anything should happen to me that took my existence physically from this earth... please do remind my family and loved ones to be strong.. and not to cry for me, for I've lived my life well. Assure them that I will watch over them, but remind them to move on... life must go on and they must live for themselves. Just keep me in memory lane, and think of me sometimes... That will be enough for me...
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