It has been a long time since I had something to write about.. actually, I had plenty to write about, but I have been too tired and exhausted that each time I click on the button "Add to my blog" or whatever it says, I stare at it for a moment, and then click on the "x" button. Like I said, tired.
It has been challenging. With hubby away, juggling between Thea, work and home. Sometimes, friends. Thea is because she is demanding my time and attention nearly all the time; work of immense pressure from my boss a.k.a. my dad; home for food, maid and security. I'd say that the maid has been wonderful. Sometimes I mean to come back and cook, seriously! I have all the recipes folded and put orderly on my kitchen top but if I am not back by 6pm, she cooks. Well, not fanstastic, but edible. And she manages Thea really well too. Nothing for me to worry about, only that when i step into the house, it is hard for me to get out of the house peacefully without Thea crying blue murder! Honestly, I like the feeling because it still makes me feel that I matter to her despite my time away from her.
I miss mom. I really really miss her. Ever since I moved to KK and started working in Port Klang, I see her less and less because I am so busy. I guess another reason is because Jason is not around, so I don't really bother going out anywhere to meet up with anybody because half the time, I just want to rest at home or I will be working. Because I am given the flexibility of time, I make sure that I finish up my work from home so that when I get to the office, I get to do new things. There was this time - I think 2 weeks ago, I actually called the Accountant up on my way home and told him to plan some more things for me to do as I was getting bored in the office and I wanted to do and learn more. My dad is right. I have so much to catch up on and sometimes the people in the office can't catch up with my pace. Of course, I don't pressure them also because I have received comments saying I am flashing my "I am the boss' daughter" card in order to get people do things my way. I was pretty upset about it, and later found out that it was some misunderstanding. Anyway, coming back to my mom... I'd really like to spend time with her. She always have positive and cheerful things to say. There is no stress at all! Compared to being with my dad and brothers - meeting them always give me a kind of pressure. It's like.. when mom tease me, I somehow know that it is a joke and that she still loves me unconditionally. But when my dad or my brothers do it, I don't know why... I feel like that they are ashamed of me, and that they despice me. I know that I am probably wrong, but I can't help how I feel. Sometimes when they are nice to me, i.e. talk to me nicely and share their thoughts with me, I feel really good. But then, sometimes when they talk to me rudely (as if I owe it to them), I really feel very very hurt.
The maid will be going back next week for about 1 month. It is going to be another challenging month again for me. My mom has offered to take care of Thea when I am at work on certain days, and my in laws have also volunteered and agreed to come stay over. I am really glad that I took the initiative to get to know my in laws better. Did I mention in my past blogs that I didn't have a too swell relationship with my MIL and my SIL? Well, I have a great relationship with my SIL now and am getting to know my MIL better too. Things are just falling into place! Although there are still differences, but with a little give and take - things just keep getting better and better.
Well... so far it's like that... I am calling out to the Universe to give me more strength and courage to go through these challenges. Hear me - I WANT CONFIDENCE & HAPPINESS!!
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